I release Christian. He wipes at his face and deliberately avoids eye contact, mumbling an excuse that he needs to eat.
When I approach Sodie, I poke him in the chest and then point to myself. I always thought of Sodie as my family. We share an unspoken connection, and now I know why. I whisper, “Uncle Sodie.”
He pulls me into a hug and chuckles. “Don’t ever call me that.”
I turn to face my true brothers. “No more secrets. From now on, we tell each other everything. I’ll start by telling you my true intentions with this game.”
Chapter 22
What I Want
JESSICA
It’s well past midnight by the time I return to my room. After washing the stiffening chemicals from my hair and literally scraping the makeup off my face, I crawl between my soft cotton sheets. Heavy lids start to close just as my head touches the pillow. I haven’t felt this exhausted in a long time. Just as blissful sleep starts to take over, a tingling sensation ghosts across my scalp and against the flesh of my arms. I know that Shadow is in my room before I open my eyes.
I breath slowly and refuse to move a muscle, feigning sleep. I concentrate on his location. Darkness is my weakness, but I don’t need to see him. I can feel his presence. He’s closer now.
With a jolt, I sit up, hand posed in the air, ready to strike him with lightning. Nothing happens. I quickly glance at my hand. No flicker of miniature streaks of lightning, no tingling of static electricity. The well deep in my chest that fuels the energy of my magic feels empty. Fear grips my heart. I don’t have magic. I will die tonight at Shadow’s hand.
In a flash, a strong hand grips my wrist, and the other wraps around my neck. Strong legs straddle over my own, the tangledsheets holding me in place. I wait for his magic to envelop around me and brace myself for the impending fear to take over followed by death.
It never comes. Silence hangs thick in the air. I don’t hear the moans and groans of the lost souls that he wields in his shadows. Just the sound of our ragged breaths and the booming beats of my heart echo in my ears. His hand twitches around my throat but doesn’t tighten.
“What are you waiting for? Kill me,” I whisper.
He presses his body against my own. His warm breath blows against my ear. “I don’t want to kill you.” He pushes me back into the mattress, lying on top of me. Releasing my throat, he holds my hands above my head. His vow to destroy me still lingers in my mind. But I take it because it’s the least I can do after what I did to him. The last time I saw him, his menacing, deep, dark blue eyes reflected only hatred toward me. He meant every word of his threat.
“You’re here to torture me, then?” I ask, my voice shaky and laced with fear.
“I don’twantto torture you,” he croaks. Not threatening like I imagined it should have been. But sad, wistful.
“What do you want?”
He brushes his nose against my cheek and takes a deep breath. “I want my life back, before everything was taken from me.”
I slowly open my eyes and angle my face to look at him. His face is so close. His breath mingles with mine. Our lips almost touch, and that familiar tingle tugs at my heart.
“Iwantto taste these perfect full lips, whenever I want, just because I can. I want to sleep next to you, waking up with your warm body pressed against mine.” With a wisp of air, his body is flush against mine without the barrier of the covers. “Iwantto be close to you again, so close not even oxygen can survivebetween the two of us. So close I can practically crawl under your skin.” His lips brush against my own, barely a caress. “Iwantto be everywhere that you are, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul.”
His lips graze down to my chin and against my jaw. He presses his hard body against mine.
“Ineedto be with you again,Princess. Ineedfor you to love me like you once did, like I always have.”
Part of me wants to believe his declaration. But I can’t. It’s too much to believe that this is genuine or even real.
“Shadow,” I breathe.
“Tyler. You used to call me that once.”
That was a long time ago, before the Resistance crashed into our lives and stole that part of him. This man is the real Shadow—a silhouette of the man I once loved, the man who would do anything for me and me for him. That man is gone now, and I don’t think I will ever see him again. I broke him. The pain of that truth slices like a knife to the heart, twisting every time I see his face and remember what I have done to him. That is how he tortures me every time, taking a piece of my heart and soul with him when he disappears into the shadows.
“Tyler is gone. You told me so yourself.”
“I never left, Princess. I just…” A shaky breath escapes him.
He brushes his lips against mine and then pulls back with a frustrated groan. With a few unsteady beats of my heart, he turns me on my side, facing away from him, and wraps his large body around mine. I feel sweet, tender kisses along my shoulder.
“I’ll prove it to you,” he whispers. “Let me hold you. It’s been too long since you lay in my arms.”
