I will not cry in front of him, she decided.I will not cry in front of him and let him know how much he’s hurt me.
“Did you say that?” she asked Max, wiping her eyes again. “Did you say all that about me?”
He nodded slowly. “Yes. Yes, I did. But not in the way you think—” Max tried to argue, before he paused, swallowing heavily. “I said it.”
Bo looked down. One tear had leaked from her eyes and was treacherously making its way down her cheek, and she watched as it rolled from her and onto the carpet below.
“What’s the point in you being so deeply talented if you’re so fucking shallow?” she asked him, throwing his own question to her back at him, and she heard him inhale tightly.
“You don’t know the first thing about me, Bo. You don’t know why I said the shit that I did.”
“You don’t know why I said what I did too,” Bo argued, and Max stood. In two strides he was across the room, bearing down upon her.
“Did you ever do something, knowing it would fuck you up, but still do it anyway?” he asked, and Bo shook her head.
“What is that, an excuse?” she asked, but Max snapped at her.
“Answer the question.”
She thought for a moment. “I guess so.”
“Well, I have too, Bo. I didyou,you see. I did you, knowing you would fuck me up.” Max gave that ugly laugh again, and it made Bo shift uncomfortably before him. “You think I don’t know how it looks?”
Bo was confused. “What do you mean?”
Max shook his head. “I’m not blind, Bo. I know the optics of our situation. A man who looks like me, with a woman like you.”
“What on earth does that mean?” Bo asked. “A woman like me?”
“You know what I mean,” Max said bluntly. “You’re beautiful, Bo. You’re beautiful, and a thousand times out of my league because you’re beautiful. You never seemed to care though. You never seemed to care, never seemed to even notice. You always seemed so happy to see me and—” Max stopped, taking a deep breath. “But you did care, and you did notice. Maybe you’re a better actress than you think, because you fooled me. You fooled me good and proper.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Bo stammered. “The optics don’t matter. Who . . . who cares how we look? Who cares?”
“Youcare,” Max reminded her. “Mr Two out of Ten, remember?”
“I was just being . . .” Bo trailed off helplessly. Too late now to argue that she hadn’t meant it. Too late now to try and take it back.
“Yes?”
Bo shook her head though. There was nothing she could say. No words to explain. Max closed his eyes for a moment, running a hand through his hair.
“You fucked me up, Bo. Congratulations. You fucked me up, and now I have to go back out there into the real world with your parting words hanging over me. For the rest of my life, I’m going to look into mirrors and see myself the way you saw me. For the rest of my life, I’m going to wonder how many of the women I’m with only tolerate me because I’m a good lay.”
“Same,” Bo retorted bitterly. “You think the optics of us were bad just for you? How do you think I felt?”
Max stared at her, his gaze still stony. “I never know how you feel, Bo. That’s half my problem. So, tell me, how do you feel? It can’t be worse than I’m feeling right now.”
Bo laughed, but it wasn’t a pleasant laugh. It was a laugh like Max had made. Ugly, bitter and awful.
“I don’t feel great, to be honest, Max. Look at the . . . what did you call it? Oh, yes, look atthe optics of our situationfrom my side: a woman like me with a man like you.”
“What? Mr Two out of Ten with a beautiful woman?”
“No, not like that. I mean, me, abrainless and talentless out-of-work actress,” Bo couldn’t help a nasty tone from entering her voice, “with a man as clever and talented as you. No wonder you don’t think you can be serious about me. I mean, you took the things I’m most insecure about and used them as reasons not to be with me. For the rest of my life, I’m going to hear Raphaella’s voice in my head, listing the reasons I’m not good enough to be with you.”
“I didn’t say that,” Max immediately spat back. “I never said you weren’t good enough.”
“That’s how it made me feel.”
