“You’d like her,” he says, and it’s the truth, he realises. His father wouldn’t just like Ari. No, he would love her.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. She’s quick and curious and sharp as a tack. She eats anything and everything and finds adventure where you wouldn’t even think adventure could be found,” Tom says, and he warms at the thought of her. “She paints. Paints the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. I have a pile of her paintings in storage in the city. Every time she painted something she didn’t think was good enough to keep, I took it and shipped it home. There’s this one painting, the one she did in Norwayand—” Tom stops, colour flooding his cheeks. “I’m talking too much.”
Doug, to Tom’s surprise, has that wistful look on his face again. “You need to go back and get this woman and bring her here, Tom.”
Tom slumps. “I can’t do that. Not yet.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I need time.”
“Time to do what?”
Tom licks his lips. “Time to work out how I’m going to explain.”
Doug looks at him warily. “Explain what?”
“About why I lied to her. About why I deceived her.”
“Why would you do that?”
Tom shrugs. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I really didn’t. I just...” he pauses, clenching his fists. The physical exertion distracts from his mental anguish, and it feels good when he releases and flexes his hand. “I was in an airport, and I saw this... this woman. She was striking. She was beautiful. I could tell she had...” he gives his father a small smile, “. . . spark. I didn’t mean to talk to her. I really didn’t. But we kept exchanging glances and then I... I couldn’t help myself. I had to talk to her. It snowballed from there. I lied to her, again and again, because I kept meaning to walk away. I told myself it was just one conversation. And then it was just one kiss. And then just one night. And then, before I knew it, it had been just six months. By the time I realised I wanted it to be forever, it was too late. The damage was done.” Tom sits back in his chair, looking up to meet his father’s gaze. Doug’s eyes are soft, regarding him with compassion.
“You’re an idiot, Tom, you know that? You love this woman. Love her. That’s not a small thing. You have to go back for her.Explain everything, just as you did to me. She’ll either forgive you or—”
“Exactly,” Tom cuts in, almost angry. He’s not angry at Doug though. He’s angry at himself. “Or. It’s the or that frightens me. I love her, and I had it good with her, and the stupid, hurtful lies I told might cost me that. I want to be with her... but once she knows the truth, how will she ever want to be with me?”
“I don’t know the answer to that question,” Doug replies. “I don’t. But you have to go back and try. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.”
“I know. I really love her. I want to be with her. But what happens if she turns me down? What if she moves on? I don’t know how I could handle that. I don’t know how I can live life without her now.”
Doug suddenly looks weary, and Tom realises that this conversation is costing his father energy he doesn’t have to give.
“Tom,” Doug says softly, “if that happens, you’ll move on. Take it from an old man who knows. I had Yvonne, and then I met your mother. There might be another woman—”
“Not for me,” Tom cuts in firmly. “She’s the only one for me. You said you saw Mom and knew. I saw Ari and I knew.”
“Okay. But I don’t want you to end up a lonely, bitter man. I want you to be happy. I’m your father. I need to know you’ll be okay, once I’m... once I’m not around anymore.”
At that, Tom feels tears begin to sting his eyes. “Dad.”
“It’s okay, Tom,” Doug replies. “It’s okay. Things will be okay, I promise. So long as you face up to your troubles and stop running from them, things will always work out. Go back to Europe, Tom. Find this woman. Make things right. If it’s the last thing you ever do for your dad, do this.”
Tom nods, still clinging to his father’s hand.
And after he nods, his face crumples, and then he begins to cry.
* * *
He found himself in his father’s old work shed. Doug had been a pilot — with a hangar full of light aircraft and a small runway on one side of the estate — but he’d also been a racer, and kept a shed full of old cars and parts he’d tinkered with. Marnie hadn’t had the heart to get rid of any of it, and so it still sat to this day, dusty and neglected and worn.Just like my heart,Tom thought with a scowl. He sat by the side of an old Chevy, his long legs touching the nearby wall, playing with an old wrench and spark plug.
He found solace in keeping his hands busy, being both furious and disgusted with himself.
He’d run away. Again.
It was an old habit he found hard to break, running from his feelings and his troubles. And tonight, with Ari once again in his life, he’d been assaulted by both.
