MEIER: ‘Of course, neither of us had any idea what the future held for us. How could we? Who does? We gave it no thought at all, no care for consequences… Once I accepted that she was going to be a part of my life, I wanted only to know her better, to bring her to an awareness of herself that, in the end, would come naturally to her.
‘We were all of us unrestrained, hectic, promiscuous. We challenged our psyches, our philosophies, our hopes and ambitions as young people do. We cast off our clothes and made love with ecstatic curiosity and tender discovery. She embraced our ways as hungrily as if she had been born to them. She was as excited by us as we were by her, a shining light in our midst made all the brighter by the sheer joy of being alive. I needed to understand what was pulling us together. What kindof forces were at work. Had we known one another for centuries? Or was this the beginning of a brand-new journey?
‘I craved answers to everything about her without even really knowing the questions. I could not have expressed any of this at the time, and I probably am not doing it very well now. I simply want you to understand, if you can, that my feelings for her, the bond we share, began at the beginning, when I knew right away that it would be life-changing. I just did not expect it to devastate our hearts the way it did.’
He looked down at his hands, both elegant and workmanlike, and closed them into loosely formed fists, as though he was trying to grasp something that wasn’t there.
MEIER: ‘So when you ask, am I the twins’ father: the answer is, it doesn’t matter; I loved them anyway.’
Cristy waited, certain he was going to say more, and eventually he did.
MEIER: ‘I am sure you’ve already heard that motherhood did not always come easily to Nicole. It was said during that terrible time that she was suffering from a post-partum depression. It wasn’t recognized back then in the same way it is now, but … Looking back, the signs were there … We – she – wanted our lives to continue the way they’d been before. She found the twins restricting, troublesome … Sometimes, she became erratic and frightened, but she was also loving and careful, as protective as any mother could be.
‘Nobody is only one thing, are they? We all experience warring emotions, differing levels of understanding and patterns of behaviour. They can even change from dayto day, but it doesn’t make us bad or even crazy people; it just makes us human. Do you agree with that, Cristy?’
Caught unawares, Cristy took a moment to realize that he’d just described the conflict in her own heart. Deliberately or coincidentally? The latter, of course, although he was watching her so closely that she couldn’t be entirely sure.
Apparently giving her a pass on answering, he continued.
MEIER: ‘When my time at the university came to an end in 2005, Nicole begged me not to leave her. I had no intention of doing so. I already had a position to go to in Lausanne; I simply needed to find us a place to live and proper help with the twins. It took longer than expected … I was busy, keen to make an impression on my new employers … I was neglectful when it came to calling her … I failed to visit Bristol when I said I would. I detest myself for all this now, but it is too late to turn back the clock.
‘As soon as I heard what had happened, I contacted the police. I was prepared to fly straight over, but they came to Switzerland instead, to my brother’s home where I was staying. In the end, I was of no help to them. I couldn’t say who had taken the twins, and I still cannot, but I do know Nicole would not have harmed them.’
CRISTY: ‘And yet she’s now confessed to killing them?’
His face paled, and he swallowed. It was almost as if she’d struck him, and he had no idea how to fight back. It took him a while to continue.
MEIER: ‘I have no idea why she would lie, but if she is being truthful, then why does she not explain where to find the bodies?’
CRISTY: ‘So you don’t believe in her confession?’
MEIER: ‘Of course not. I think she gave it because she wants her freedom, and it was the only way she could see to achieve it. If she’d confessed sooner, it would not have shortened her sentence.’
CRISTY: ‘I believe you saw her just before her last parole hearing. Did she tell you then what she was planning to do?’
MEIER: ‘No. It was a shock to me, as it was to everyone else.’
CRISTY: ‘You must know she was released on parole a few weeks ago—’
MEIER: ‘Yes, I do, and if you are in touch with her, please tell her that I want very much to see her. I hope she will come here, to me, where she belongs. Maybe it can’t happen right away; there will be restrictions … Is she with her mother?’
CRISTY: ‘Yes, she is, but they’re not at Maeve’s home. Will you tell me what you believe happened to the twins?’
An air of desolation came over him, and Cristy watched as Maggi reached out to put a hand on his. His long fingers clasped gently, although absently, as if it were more a reflex than a real tenderness. His voice was quiet, hoarse, when he spoke again.
MEIER: ‘I wish I could tell you.’
More moments of sadness passed as he stared at nothing, seeming almost to have left the room. Maybe he was engaging with truths, suspicions, that he wasn’t prepared to share.Cristy glanced at Connor and wondered what was going through his mind.
CRISTY: ‘Do you still have contact with any of your friends from your time in Bristol?’
Meier looked at Maggi and started to nod.
MEIER: ‘Yes, with some.’
CRISTY: ‘Do you think they’d be willing to talk to us?’
MEIER: ‘I can ask. I’m sure they would.’
