“No,” the word came out much harsher than I intended. Losing her again, this time with my unborn child, would never happen. The world would freeze before I’d allowed anyone or anything to take them away from me. “You’ve always been mine, Ella. I’m not letting you walk away again. You’re coming home.”
“No,” she reacted just as strongly. “This is my baby. You can’t have him,” she snarled.
The angered passion in her words had me recalling her miscarriage again and her desire for just one of the babies she’d lost. She’d kill before she’d let me or anyone touch that baby. My heart broke then. Now it fragmented into a million pieces.
“I don’t think it’s fair that you decided to send me away without talking to me about it. Then you arrive here expecting me to bow to your will again. I can’t. I’m not yours. I’m no longer anyone’s possession,” she yelled.
I reared back, her words slamming my chest hard and fucking deep. “Bow to my will?” I hissed, not sure who I was angry with. “Possession?” I breathed. “Have I ever done that to you, Mikaela?”
Her eyes widened at the use of her full name.
“I gave you the freedom you deserved, the option to choose your future, to give meaning to your life instead of bowing in submission to a man like me,” I snorted. “Trust me. If I asserted my will, you’d be in my fucking home, in my bed, in my fucking arms, every single day, where you belong,” the words spewed out, my fury taking front and center. “This,” I waved my hand to signify the shelter, “is what you chose,youalone. You made all these women accept and believe in their strength.Youalone did that. Something you would’ve never done if I kept you in my castle, in my bed, where you wanted to remain. Obscure and inconsequential.” I knew my words hurt, but it was true.
Tears glazing her eyes confirmed it.
“Fuck,” I cursed, once more letting her override my emotions. I shook my head, my anger simmered by those watery blue-green eyes. “I always knew you were destined for bigger and better things than submission, love.” I palmed her cheek. “I gave you all of this to help you find your power. You did.”
With a soft sigh, I took a step back, creating that distance needed if I had to walk away. We stared at each other, our silence speaking volumes. Mine begging her to acknowledge my words and hers, confused helplessness. Hating that I caused her vulnerability to come racing back just when she’d found strength, I turned away, my body overwhelmed by the pain staggering in my gut. I needed to get out of there or risk breaking down.
“Xavier.” The soft touch on my shoulder paused my feet. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her words thick with tears.
Inhaling a slow breath, I turned, my fists clenching at my sides, desperate to hold her. She placed her hand over my chest and closed her eyes, letting her tears flow. Allowing her that reprieve, I remained still until her lids lifted, her eyes searching mine.
The emotions flitting over her face indicated she either chose her words carefully or fought restraint. “Do you know how many days I waited by the front door, hoping to see your car come up the driveway every time I heard a vehicle? Do you know many nights I spent staring at the ceiling, wishing to hear your footsteps in the passage outside my door? Do you know how many times I held your shirts, your jackets to my face, inhaling your scent just to keep calm?” Regret digging a hole in my heart, I opened my mouth to speak. She placed two fingers to my lips, shaking her head. “I waited for so long, I accepted you’d forgotten about me, that you no longer wanted to see me. I never thought you’d come for me.” Her bottom lip quivered, her words shaky. “Now, I’m scared that this is just a dream, that your being here can’t be true. That you came back for me. That you really want me and not just because of the baby.”
“Ella—”
Again, she shook her head, stalling my words. “It might sound ridiculous, but I probably loved you since that moment on the mountaintop. A stranger who was hard to ignore no matter how much I tried.” She smiled, and I didn’t return the favor. “Then you told me my love was merely gratitude. And I believed it, at least I tried to until I remembered how you kissed me and what I felt. I felt your love. It wasn’t gratitude. Still, I held back. That night I miscarried, I heard you say that you wanted just one man to show me he has a heart waiting to beat, just for me.” She palmed my cheek with her free hand. “Only when you sent me away did I understand why your heartbeat calmed me every single time.” Her tears rolled down her cheeks. “Because it beats for me, Xavier.”
My chest, a tight ball of agony, I brushed gentle hands through her hair. “I have always been a powerful man in charge, yet the moment you stepped into my life, I possessed nothing but an illusion of control because you usurped it unwittingly.” I sighed. “My pretty little Ella, what you don’t understand, is that you have never bowed to my will. If anything, I bowed to you, to the love swimming in my veins, I can no longer drown.” She breathed in my words, and I inched closer, letting my nose touch hers. “And I will bow to you for the rest of my life if that’s what it will take just for your smile alone. I crumbled that day you left. It was nothing compared to the anguish I suffered every second since then. To the point where I willed death on my soul so many times, I think the lord of hell got tired of my prayers.”
“Xavier—”
This time I stopped her with a slow shake of my head. “I never understood how love worked, Ella because the men in my family were cursed never to love. And for so long, I couldn’t understand why I felt the need to come after you since that moment our eyes connected across the floor at Blackhall. Why you wouldn’t disappear from my thoughts. Why I couldn’t ignore that niggle to find you. Until my son reminded me that because of the curse, every single Sinclair man would fall in love once in his lifetime. That each man was fated to meet just one woman. That just one look would seize my heart forever.”
Taking her hand, I walked her to a mirror on the opposite wall, the very essence of where she lost herself in the first place. I turned her to look at our reflection with me at her rear.
“This face.” I dragged a knuckle down her cheek. “Is the one I missed every day since you left. No matter how hard I tried to deny you, how hard I tried to stay away, everything in my home, my car, my mind, and my heart reminds me of you. You’re all I see when I close my eyes and all I breathe when I open them. Loving you, Ella is like being locked in a small room, and I’ve never felt so at home being caged, even if you never find the key.”
“How ironic.” She laughed through the tears flowing down her cheeks, her body trembling.
Turning her to face me, I took her hand and placed it over my heart. “Youare my destiny, love, and this will always beat, just for you. Even when my time is up, just place your hand over your chest and close your eyes. I’ll be right there, next to you, and I’ll whisper in your ear, ‘breathe, love, you’re safe.’”
Laughing, she slid her hands around my neck and pulled my head down before her lips captured mine in a slow, drugging kiss. I would’ve succumbed to its mind bend if I wasn’t already addicted.
“I’m sorry I sent you away, Ella,” I apologized when we came up for air. “I never meant to hurt you or have you believe I never wanted you. If it’s any consolation, my employees have called me all sorts of names for my boorish behavior since you left. Juliette’s close to castrating me for letting you go.” Mikaela laughed. “Still, their words didn’t hurt enough to overcome the anguish of watching you leave.” I tightened my hold around her waist. “And I plan to make up for it every night.” I chuckled, loving her wide-eyed look.
“What about the shelter? I can’t—”
I placed a finger to her lips. “We’ll move them to Winthrop Castle if you want, or we can keep it here and open a new one at home. That way, you can travel between both, giving you time away from the castle if needed.”
“Really?” she gushed, reminding me of those days when I began teaching her about the things I took for granted that she’d never seen or heard of before.
“Yes. Whatever you want. After the baby is born, though.”
Her cheeks flushed red, she buried her face in my chest, making me laugh. Then she lifted solemn eyes to me. “You once said you never wanted more children...” she trailed off, her fear shining through her tears.”
“And I also remember saying I’m not a man you can have forever.” I grinned as the memory morphed her panic into a smile. “I’m yours forever, Ella, and this baby.” I placed a hand over her stomach. “Is ours.”
