You will always be my favorite favorite, Shay.
Love,
Mom.
My heart jackhammered as I lifted wet eyes to my father. “You knew, didn’t you?” He dragged a hand down his face, nodding. “How? When?” My laugh was incredulous. “Why didn’t you say anything? You don’t think I’m sick?” The questions poured out.
“No.” He took a step closer and rubbed my arm, affectionately. “Two days before her accident, Julie and Skye were watching the movieClueless. I walked in around the last five minutes. After, Skye asked Julie if it were possible for sisters to fall in love with their brothers. Julie explained that in the eyes of society it was morally wrong unless they were stepsiblings like the couple in the movie. She tried to explain that even then it was still forbidden but I don’t think an eight-year-old grasped the sensitivity behind that. At dinner that evening, we talked about you and Ryleigh and Skye blurted that she wished you were her stepbrother because then you could marry her, not Ryleigh.”
My laugh was a mix of disbelief and the pain of so many wasted years while I hung onto a promise I could’ve broken with Julie’s blessing. “Why now?” I gestured to the letter.
“I knew it would only be a matter of time before her teasing developed into something I doubted anyone would be able to suppress. What I didn’t expect was your reciprocation, son. When you announced your engagement, I decided not to give you the letter and when Skye ran out after you told her, I chose not to interfere. I needed you two to find each other on your own. You did, just not the way I expected.” I heard the pained regret in his tone.
“Fuck, Dad.” I turned my back on him, shaking my head. “All this time, she could’ve been mine.”
“Do you love her, Shay?”
I swung around sharply. “She’s the only girl I’ve given all of me to since I was old enough to understand love. What do you think?” There was a biting snip to my words.
“Then why did you let her walk away?” His tone was equally forceful.
“Jesus, is this your way of helping me?” A harsh laugh ripped from my throat, my gaze flipping to the smooth water of the river, wishing for its calm to slide over me. “I let her walk away because this fucking town would’ve eaten her soul.”
He took another step closer, forcing me to look at him. “But you could’ve taken her away from here, you didn’t.”
“What are you saying?” I growled. “You think I used her? That I don’t love her?”
My fury had no impact on him. “How do you know you love her?”
“I just do.”
“Dig deep, son, convince yourself, not me.”
I glared at him, wondering what he was up to. “Fuck,” I yelled heavenward before my gaze drifted to Skye’s hideout, I glimpsed between the cherry blossoms. “Because when I’m with her, my heart beats slower, my head spins less, my legs stay steady, more importantly, I don’t feel lost. Love only makes sense with her.”
He placed a hand on my heart. “Then that right there are your reasons for living.”
I looked at him, letting the pent-up tears I’d vowed to never shed again, fall. “Even if I do, what’s the use. I have no fucking clue where Skye is. If only—”
“Shay.” He grasped my arms, affection shining in his eyes. “Like Julie said, if only is just two words, they don’t define your future only regret can. Find yourself first, trust your instinct, trust in your love for Skye. A string of consequences often follows from our smallest actions, but we must be willing to start somewhere.”
Then he did something I hadn’t allowed since that day I woke in the hospital, and he told me I’d lost Griffin too. He pulled me into a warm embrace, and I went willingly. We stood that way for what seemed like a long time but in there I heard his next words, loud and clear.
“Find your soul again and your heart will follow, son.”
“Didn’t take you for a philosopher.” My laugh was dry as we parted.
“I try, only for my kids.” He chuckled. “Ready to take up Brax on his offer?”
“You think I should?” We began walking back to the house.
“Honestly, I think you could do with the change in scenery. According to Brax, you’ll have full control of the shop. His friend isn’t interested in taking a cut. This could be the start-up you need and when you’re ready to join your ops team, you can.”
While the invitation to rejoin the team was open-ended, the persistent dreams and Griff’s death held me back. Maybe I was a coward for not facing my fears. Maybe I just didn’t want the reminder of what went down. Maybe I just needed a kick up the ass. I had no fucking clue and it had gotten harder with each passing year. “Might work,” I replied, not sure if I was ready for a coastal town. “Did he say anything about a place to stay?” I asked as we reached the house.
Dad motioned for Brax to join us from his perch on the porch railing. “What are the accommodation arrangements for Shay if he agrees to take over the shop, Brax?”
Brax’s face lit up, his smile falling when I scowled. I didn’t plan on making this easy for him. “He’ll put you up at a hotel while you look for more suitable accommodation for which he’s prepared to pay the first six month’s rental. He mentioned his uncle’s home is vacant, but I think he plans on selling that. Maybe once you see it, you can look at staying there for those first six months. I believe it’s an oldish home. So...” he trailed off, leaving the options open.
