14. You Are The Reason – Calum Scott
Shay – 29 years; Skye17 years
Stuffing my hands in my jeans pockets, I watched Alan’s car until the taillights disappeared out the gate. Tempted to follow them, I ground my teeth and shook my head.
“You are the reason I survived, Blue,” I whispered into the night, rubbing my dog tag between my thumb and forefinger.
Stationed in a high combat zone for the last six months with the knowledge we might not make it out alive, we weren’t allowed any external comms. The order came in unexpectedly and why I’d only sent her one rushed letter before we headed out. Yet, thinking about Skye, talking to her in my mind, remembering her antics, helped keep me alive.
I touched the spot just below my ribcage and winced, remembering how close to death I’d almost come. Courtesy of an ambush on patrol in the pre-dawn hours. The bullet wound was healing well but with it being just inches from my heart, the doctor wasn’t convinced I’d survive when they rushed me in. Griffin laid into him until the man was drenched in sweat. Regardless, I didn’t give up believing. Knowing I’d put myself into that dangerous situation without saying a proper goodbye to her because I’d left under circumstances I’d yet to understand, pushed me to fight hard, just for her.
As fucked up as it might sound, she’d become my secret weapon to my endurance, my vigilance, my perseverance to breathe. When I returned stateside, I got Dad’s text, one he’d sent two months prior, mentioning Skye’s prom. The next morning, I scheduled leave to coincide accordingly.
What I hadn’t expected to encounter was a grown Skye. So radiant, so mature, so beautiful, she’d stopped my heartbeat for just a second.
I’d tried hard to stay away because I struggled to restrain my unexpected feelings for her, that should’ve never developed in the first place. How, when and why they started, was something I honestly couldn’t fathom. At first, I put it down to the usual brotherly affection I held for her. Then she saw me naked that night, derailing every logical thought I possessed.
I’d seen the flash of panic in her eyes when I walked in tonight. Like she was anxious about showing her true feelings. The filthy bastard in me, debated the idea she feared I’d kiss her or maybe she was afraid she wanted me to.
Since leaving, I’d pictured my return a thousand times over, and in it, I’d always pulled her into my arms with no thoughts about how we parted. Occasionally those visions turned dirty, and I’d imagined my fingers tangling in her hair, her body a perfect fit against mine, my mouth slamming over hers, swallowing her soft moans. The torment of knowing it could never happen, left me moping for days.
Tonight, had sent the little sanity I’d managed to salvage over the last year to shit. Now, I was well and truly fucked. Convincing her I felt nothing, might be easy enough. Convincing myself, however, would require more discipline even the soldier in me would find hard to navigate.
Whatever the case, it was safe to say that I didn’t know when the rails came off and I’d hurtled heart first into love.
Sighing, I went back inside to Griffin and his parents leaving. They paused to wish me goodnight on their way out.
“I’ll see you in an hour,” he called over his shoulder.
With a thumbs up to him, my gaze drifted to Dad heading for the stairs. “I need to shower and get ready for my cocktail function. Can we catch up at breakfast tomorrow, son?”
“Sure thing.” I watched him disappear up the stairs then turned to my grandmother’s scowling features. “What’s wrong?” I slumped onto one of the couches. She sighed and attempted to smile. I didn’t buy it. “You have about two seconds before my eyes shut to tell me what’s eating at you, Grandma.”
“Shay, darling,” she neared me and lowered herself to the edge of the couch I sat on. “You know that girl is smitten with you, right?”
“For fuck sakes, Grandma, not this again.” I shot up from the seat and with my fists clenched I glared at her, unsure what riled me up more. That she might be right or that I could do nothing about it—the insane part of me wanted to, the logical part inserted reasoning into the soldier in me. Disgust mixed with uncertainty assailed my mind. Teeth grinding, I turned away to stare out the window.
“It doesn’t take a blind man to see the infatuation in her eyes, boy,” Grandma came up behind me, her tone conveyed a gentleness I didn’t think her capable of when it came to Skye. “You walked in the door, and it was like her soul lit up. When your father took that last photo of you and her before she left, that look you both shared, forgive me for saying this, darling, but it was like watching two star-crossed lovers meeting again.”
No, more like two forbidden lovers!
Her words dug deep, filling every pore, every nerve, every vein with self-deprecation, reminding me of how hard I’d tried to keep my emotions in check when Skye looked at me, those glittering blue eyes came alive at my smile, burned bright with something I chose not to accept. Clearly, I’d failed.
Grandma touched my shoulder, yanking me out of my sordid thoughts for the one girl I couldn’t have. No matter how many rivers I’d swim to get to her, I would sink with the weight of wrongfulness.
“I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so, darling, but I did warn you.” She did, at my birthday last year and why I left for so long, to help me get over Skye, not that it worked. “It’s time you told her the truth, found her father—”
I swung around sharply, wrenching a shocked gasp from her. She must’ve seen the rage in my eyes because hers widened in undisguised fear.
“I warned you about that, Grandma,” I seethed. “Stay the fuck away from Blue or God help me...” I gritted, leaving the words hanging for her to make of it what she wanted. I walked to the front door, my footsteps pounding my fury. There, I stopped with my hand on the knob and then with a deep inhale, I looked at her over my shoulder. “I think its best you’re not here when I return, Grandma. And only if I find the need to forgive your rantings, will you be allowed back here.”
“Shay.” She clutched a hand to her chest, shaking her head.
