“Thank you, Miss Thomas but this is rather urgent,” I cut her off and walked away before she could respond.
Given the silence in the library, it didn’t take long for the soft sniffles to reach my ears. The lighting at the rear of the library was slightly dimmer and it took a moment for me to locate Levana. She sat on the floor with her back propped against a wall, her hands twisting her tie as her shoulders shook with her soft cries.
“Hey,” I called out softly.
Her head lifting, her watery eyes roved over my face. “What are you doing here?” There was no anger in her voice, just a tiredness I recognized as defeat.
Crouching, I dropped to the floor next to her and pulled her into my arms. “Come here, baby.”
Glad she didn’t push me away, I held her tight. She cried against my shoulder, her tears drenching my shirt. I didn’t care. All I wanted was to give her the comfort she deserved.
“I’m sorry, you had to go through that, Levana.” My chest ached for the humiliation she suffered every time someone spoke down to her.
“I tried to let them not affect me but sometimes it just hurts,” she sobbed.
“I know.” I kissed the top of her head. We sat like that for a few minutes until she pushed away from my embrace and swiped at her eyes with the back of her hands. I drew out a handkerchief from my vest pocket and leaned forward. “Can I?” Expecting her to pull away, her nod surprised me. She sat still, letting me wipe under her eyes and nose.
Done, I uncurled the fingers to her left hand and place the handkerchief in it. “You want to talk about it?” I gently urged, knowing her experience with bullies probably didn’t just start with her mother.
Her shoulders lifted in a slight shrug, her gaze dropping to her fingers around the square. “It’s the same shit, different day, I guess. The fat jokes, the ‘we won’t fuck you’ jokes. It just gets tiresome sometimes. I’ve had a pretty good handle on it even though it still hurts and...” she trailed off.
“Hey.” I tilted her chin to look at me. “No matter how strong you try to be, a low self-esteem is not something you conquer overnight. It takes time and patience for yourself and love from others.” I reached for her other hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Let me in, Levana. Tell me,” I coaxed.
For a moment she said nothing then a soft sigh blew threw her trembling lips. “During a track practice in grade seven, I fell. Instead of helping, the gym teacher called me awful names. He said I should stay at home because the only exercise I would be good for, was a hot dog eating competition. And I don’t even like hot dogs.” She uttered a sarcastic laugh then pulled on her lower lip, her irritation visible.
I tugged her hand and away, shaking my head when her eyes met mine. “Go on,” I pushed, knowing there was more.
She watched her thumb trace over the veins on the back of my hand she still held. “I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t and when everyone started laughing, I ran off to the bathroom. Humiliated, I sat there for the rest of the period which was the last one for the day. I didn’t know four of my classmates had followed me until I came out of the stall to find them standing inside the closed door.”
She stopped speaking and I tensed, my blood already churning rapid fire from what the teacher had done and the dreaded anticipation of what those boys might’ve done. I squeezed her hand lightly and she continued.
“One of the boys stood outside to keep watch while two of them held my arms. The fourth one ripped off my t-shirt and bra. They pawed me like animals, calling me whore and fat slut. Threatening to fuck me in all holes and calling it a favour because I was so fat, no guy would want me.”
Her gripped tightened around my hand, the tears flowing once more. I bit down on my tongue to keep from cursing out loud, my chest aching for what she must’ve gone through.
“Just before they could force down my shorts, the boy keeping watch, ran inside telling them a teacher was coming. They took my t-shirt and bra telling me I was lucky. Not sure what to do and scared to call my mother, I waited until it got dark, crept into the gym and stole a towel to cover my body. Fortunately, I got home before my mother did. When I refused to go to school the next morning, she asked why. I was too scared to tell her at first. Then on the second day, I did, and she called me stupid names saying it was my fault for being so fat.”
“What the fuck,” a low growl rumbled out my chest.
Levana looked at me, her smile watery. “I never went to a girl’s bathroom after that for almost a month. I would hold my pee until I got home. My mother couldn’t understand why I was constantly complaining about burning pee, but she never bothered to do anything. Aunt Trina, my mother’s friend, visited one day, and after I complained about the burn, she took me to the doctor. Holding my pee all the time had caused a urinary tract infection. It took a few hours of persuasion before Aunt Trina could get me to tell her about the boys.” Levana trailed off a soft laugh. “Two days later those boys apologized. They kept following me, swearing they’d do anything and everything to protect me. At first, I didn’t understand, until I received a gift from Aunt Trina with a message. ‘Be brave, my little sapphire and if you’re not, you now have compliant bodyguards to protect you, always.”
“She paid them a visit?” I asked, liking this woman who clearly had Levana’s best interests at heart.
Levana nodded. “I call her my fairy godmother. She always knows what I need even though I see her when she can.”
My heart went out to the little girl all alone in that bathroom, scared to go home in case she angered her mother. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Levana.”
“I’m not.” She looked at me. My brow creased. “Experiences make you stronger, Saint. I lost all that baby fat and while I might still be curvier than most girls my age, I learned to accept it. I love me and that’s important. There are times I regret it but that’s human nature, right. To feel sorry for yourself, occasionally. We’re all not perfect and my flaws are what makes me unique, different. That, however, doesn’t give others the right to insult me. There’s only one person who is allowed to bring me down and only if I let her. And that’s me. So, I will continue to fight my battles in public and shed my tears in private. It will never break my spirit, though.”
Spoken like the true fighter she was. I admired her intelligence, her acceptance and her maturity. “You’re right, Levana. Like you said you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself and hurt because you’re human. So, as your friend, I’m allowed to feel sorry for you too.”
“Friend?” she mocked, going right back to the strong girl who twisted my insides and fucked with my head. “I thought you wanted to be my master.”
My lips twitched. “You called me sir once, and I liked it even if you were drunk. And youwillcall me sir, again. Soon.”
“As if,” she scoffed.
I laughed. “I’m glad to see you’re back to normal.” Slowly, I stood, holding out a hand to her.
