Chapter 30 - Saint
Breathing uneven tocontain the rage pulsing through my veins, I stared at the closed door. The urge to stay with Levana needling my indecision. It would’ve been easy. To lift the covers, slide down next to her and pull her into my embrace. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what that would’ve led to.
God, I’d fucked women some with a little more flare than others, why was this girl’s hold over me so unbelievably dangerous. Yes, precarious to my sanity, my temper and worse, my control. She drove me crazy and there was nothing I could do about it except fuck the bloody life out of her. My sexual proclivities weren’t every woman’s cup of tea and the one’s that knew what I wanted, became willing participants very quickly. Rarely were there any complaints and I’d only ever crossed the line once.
With a resentful sigh, I raked a hand through my hair needing a cold shower to wake me the fuck out of my descent something sinfully forbidden.
Foregoing my en-suite bathroom, I headed for the one Levana had used. There, I stood in silence, breathing in her fragrance. A distinct smell of the pink cabbage roses my mother grew in her private garden back home. Now, so strong, it levitated above the scent of my cologne and the lingering remnants of puke. Taking a deep breath, I quickly stripped and stepped under the hard spray, letting it douse my body with a clarity that seemed to be slipping with each day I spent here. This whole trip was taking an unexpected turn I didn’t see coming. I couldn’t place the exact moment it went south. Perhaps it was time to return home and declare my visit a failure.
You and failure will never be bedfellows, son,my father’s words rang in my ears, a recurring lesson long before I learned our family history and its devastating consequences to the Sinclair men.
As the cold water stung my skin into an awakening, I reflected on why I needed this. Today was a mistake that began with Levana’s daring last week. Regardless, I shouldn’t have gone after her.
What then, my brain immediately counteracted.
If I hadn’t and if something had happened to her, facing Dean would be unbearable. I’d called on every fibre of restraint I possessed not to pound Wes’ face to pulp. Raw desire mixed with barely controlled rage was a potent weapon. It was likely Wes wouldn’t have survived my beating. Still, Levana had handled herself well despite being drunk, an act I hadn’t expected from her.
“She’s a teenager, you fucking idiot.” I slapped the tiled wall with a resounding thwack. Of course, she’d try shit just to get even. Still, my mind couldn’t accept she was anything but innocent. For a girl who loved anything chocolate and didn’t curse no matter what was thrown at her, her rash behaviour was surprising. Had my rejection played such a devastating role in her need to teach me a lesson. A sarcastic laugh slipped out, unchecked. “The teacher has become the student.” Unbelievable. I shook my head, frustrated.
I needed to get out of this apartment or risk fucking my student without the added burden of explaining myself on Monday to both Dean and Wes if questions arose as to why I was the one to rescue Levana. Done showering, I wrapped a towel around my waist. The realization I had no clothes, had me walking quietly into my room. Keeping my gaze averted from Levana, I grabbed what I needed. Then I made the mistake of looking in her direction. The breath stalled in my throat. With a palm under her cheek, her lips curved in a slight smile, the girl was serene beauty. The urge to lean down and kiss her steadily grew.
Jesus, why the fuck was I wanting things with this girl that I never wanted with anyone else. The most important rule to me fucking, was to never kiss the woman. Kissing fanned intimacy. Intimacy led to emotions. Emotions brought unwanted problems. So I refrained.
Grinding my teeth, I left the room, dressed, and walked out the apartment. Thirty minutes of driving brought me to a men’s club downtown. One I’d been to once. On my arrival in San Francisco. They’d served my specific tastes well that night and I figured this was the perfect time as any to rid myself of the hot-blooded steam, Levana had my pressure running at. One crazy mind-numbing fuck with a particular blonde should get Levana out of my head
Yet, when I entered, instead of making my way to the dancing girls, I found myself at the bar, ordering a whiskey and wishing I was back in my apartment with someone else in my arms. On my third whiskey, I knew it was time to call it quits. That slim to none chance of fucking Levana just laboured its way into the ninety nine percent ‘yes, I’m going to fuck her’ probability. The way I was feeling, even that one percent wasn’t likely to have a say in the matter.
“Why do you look like I feel? Ready to kill someone.”
I looked up in the mirror above the bar to find Dean standing behind me, his brown eyes on my face. Even in the dimly lit club I could tell he was pissed at something. Sudden panic he might’ve found out Levana was currently and innocently in my bed right this minute, surfaced.
“What are you doing here,” I asked, quieting my anxiety with a sip of my drink.
Dean slid into the seat next to me. “I’ll have what he’s having,” he said to the barman standing in front of us. “After the day I had, I just needed a pleasurable escape.” He glanced behind us, his eyes roving over the girls performing erotic pole dances that had men glued to the edges of the stage.
“Still have that hankering for blondes?” He watched me while I kept my eyes averted, letting this whole clusterfuck with Levana bludgeon my mind again. “Because I see there’s one that’s clearly your type.”
Not wanting to give him any reason to question my sudden lack of conversational skills, I glanced over my shoulder, following his line of sight. I grimaced. It was the girl I’d fucked until she couldn’t walk out of the room that first night here. “She’s okay,” I mumbled.
“Just okay?” I could hear the surprise in Dean’s voice. His chuckle was low. “What gives.”
Unsure if it was the alcohol speaking, I heard myself say, “She is. I fucked her my first night in San Francisco. At the time, though, my cock had already developed an affinity for a certain dark haired, curvier girl. Someone I thought I’d never see again. Who knew that the very next morning after fucking this blonde, I’d find said dark haired girl again?”In my fucking classroom. I just barely managed to stop myself from muttering that part out loud. And now, I couldn’t even think straight whether she was around or not.
“Do I know her?” Dean asked.
Yes, you do.When I finally met his gaze head on, his expression was one of pure interest. “No,” I lied with a straight face, silently cursing myself for doing so.
He tossed his drink back and gestured to the barman for a refill. “Do you have feelings for her, you know, like the serious stuff?”
