Two choices lay before me. Admit I was fucking his daughter or deny anything he threw at me. “What do you mean?” Foolishly, I went with the latter.
“She’s fucking seventeen,” he ground out, his eyes daring me to lie.
“About the same age you fucked Sandra, didn’t you?” I retaliated without thinking.
Dean’s eyes widened, his expression shock. “Is this what this is? Revenge. You’re using my fucking daughter to get back at me?” he snapped.
Annoyance pissed through me. “Don’t be stupid. Why the fuck would I use Levana.” I turned away then dragging my hands through my hair, I looked at him again. “Christ, Dean. What I have with your daughter, even I can’t begin to describe. It’s like I’m living in some outlandish dream and the scary part is I’m afraid someone is going to wake me the fuck up and it will all be over. I don’t know what this is, but it almost feels like—”
“Don’t you dare use the ‘L’ word, Saint.” He stepped into my space. “We both know you can’t fall in love. I’m not some fucking stranger to you and your family’s secrets, I know everything remember. My daughterisn’tthe one,” he hissed out the last part.
“Then why does it feel like it is. Why does it feel like I’m walking on pins and needles around everyone because I don’t want to break her heart or let it end? Why did it feel like I was dying on the inside when she walked through that departure gate?” Unconsciously, my arm swung up to point in the direction Levana had gone through. “I lied to her about not feeling anything because I didn’t want her to miss out the fun kids her age should be indulging in. God, Dean, I didn’t want her to go, but I had to. I’m fucking scared she’ll leave me and I don’t know if I can handle that right now.” There, I’d just laid out my heart to the man and hoped like hell he understood what I was going through because I sure as fuck didn’t.
He stared at me, and I watched the emotions play over his face. Distrust. Anger. Understanding. Surprise. I couldn’t decipher which one ruled his heart. “My daughter’s been through hell over the last seven years at Sandra’s hands and if it wasn’t for her...” He was breathing hard, trying to control his anger no doubt. “No one in that godforsaken brotherhood would’ve gotten their hands on my daughter and taken her virginity.” His words caught me off guard. He didn’t know. “You’re the kind of man that will make her pain worse,” he barked out the last part not caring that we stood in a public place.
I glared at him, my control hanging on by a thread. Frustrated that after so many years he still thought I used and discarded women without an ounce of feeling.
“You set your sights on something and don’t let go until you own it, Saint. My daughter is not up for possession,” he sneered.
I lost the hold on my control. “For your information, I don’t fuck just any woman, I’m selective because not every woman can handle me or my proclivities—”
“And my daughter can?” he bit out, his fists clenching his sides. “You hurt her, and I’ll kill you—”
“I took her virginity, Dean,” I fired back, cutting him short. His jaw dropped, his brown eyes glowing with shock making me want to explain. Sighing, I scrubbed a hand down my face. “I met Levana a year before the ritual. She came to the castle on a school tour. Not knowing it was her, I chose her at the ritual and when her mask came off, I knew she was young, and I sent her away. I didn’t take her virginity that night and it was my rejection that hurt her, not any of the sick things you think the brotherhood did to her. Trust me, I was just as shocked to see her in my classroom as I was to see her in your home. Believe me when I say, I had no idea she was your daughter.”
He remained quiet for a long moment, just staring at me and silently I willed him say something, anything. “What happens when it’s over, Saint? When...you know...” he trailed off unable to verbalize what we both knew haunted my family.
Slowly, I shook my head. I’d never given that much thought because just like my father, and for the first time since I began participating in the ritual, I’d allowed hope to fester inside me, to take over my rationality, to subjugate my disbeliefs. “I won’t hurt her, Dean. I promise.” The words shocked me as much as it did him. Because we both knew I couldn’t make that promise.
His shoulders deflated and letting out a long low sigh, he shook his head. “You already did.” He walked away before I could respond.
I stared at his retreating back, my heart plummeting—a feeling I was unaccustomed to, churning my stomach. Even if I could argue his point until I was blue in the face, Dean was right. I’d inevitably hurt Levana without meaning to. Not bothering to go after him, I headed for my car. Minutes later, I slid behind the wheel, my senses immediately assailed by Levana’s scent. I allowed myself to inhale deeply, remembering her this way and knowing what I had to do. Then I drove off as soon as the engine roared to life.
Only one way I could fix this was if I walked away right now. She’d be broken for a little while and her chances of recovery would be far better as opposed to letting this go on until she was in so deep, it would destroy her completely.
Chapter 42 - Saint
