“You can’t.”
“Don’t start that shit again,” I growled.
“I can’t let you walk out, knowing I hurt you.”
“Well, you don’t have a say in my life. You don’t get to control everything, and you sure as fuck, don’t control me, you never did. You fuck whoever you want to, and I let you. We’re done. So let me go,” I snarled, ready to go a second round with him.
“Seriously, Rayden, is that what you think?” A sardonic laugh slipped through his lips. “That all I wanted from you was a quick fuck? That’s what all this is about? To bang my chest like a fucking ape declaring my win over your cock? Fuck, boy, you really have no idea, do you?” He glared at me, veins popping in his forearms beneath his rolled sleeves as he fisted his hands.
“Then why don’t you spit it the fuck out because I’ve had it up to my eyebrows with being manipulated.”
“I said it once before, I never manipulated you. You came to me, remember?” his words encased in steel, dripped through his clenched teeth. “You chose to suck my fucking cock. You chose to kiss me. And if you never wanted me to fuck you, then why did your cock get hard the second I touched you. Why did you come when I fucked you? Why did you kiss me like I was the oxygen you craved? Ask yourself all of those questions, Rayden because you seem to have forgotten what went down between us.Inever did.”
Irritation lent my face a twisted scowl. “I bet you say that to all the boys you fuck,” I scoffed.
He shook his head, disappointment creasing his brow. “You are the only man I’ve ever fucked,” his soft words a dire contrast to his hard expression, catching me off guard.
I opened my mouth to say something, nothing came out. Everything that happened over the last few minutes, caved in around me and I could feel the tension radiate in my chest, slowly creeping upward, tightening my jaw until the sting of tears I’d been holding back since walking into the room, rolled down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
“What I’ve always wanted,” his intense gaze never leaving mine, his words came out as though he tested each before uttering them.
Even without asking, I knew what he was asking yet I didn’t say anything, waiting for him to drop that wicked grip he’d held over me since that first kiss, knowing the second he admitted it, it would crush us both.
“I want you, Rayden. Always have and always will.”
“What?” I breathed out a laugh, exhaling the abrupt tension squeezing my chest like a rubber band. “You don’t know me, how can you want a relationship with me? We don’t move in the same circles. Fuck, we’re on the opposite sides of the legal system. What we had, what we did was like an oasis in the desert of desire, how can anything blossom from that. And if we did, what would the people we know, say,” I was rambling and I didn’t know how to stop because what he was asking, scared the fucking shit out of me. Because a part of me wanted it, craved it.
Lorenzo looked at me and must’ve noticed the anxiety because his hard features relaxed, morphing into a calming smile then he took a step closer. “Relationships are not defined by time, distance, mistakes or what others think, but by how it makes two people feel being together, Rayden. Do you make me smile, yes, do you make my heart clench like I’m walking a fucking tightrope over a cliff when I’m around you, yes? Do you make me feel like I can take on the world with you by my side, yes? And that’s all that fucking matters, for anything to work.”
His words hit me like a rogue steam train. And I staggered backward. My chest rose and fell in quick succession, nostrils flared to keep up with the need for air. “I can’t, you can’t ask this of me.” In total contradiction to my words, the tears fell harder. I was a grown-ass man, I didn’t just cry on a whim. How was it possible then that this man, the fucking personification of virtue and sin combined could bring me to my knees with one look.
Something happened to me that first evening he took me, something so forbidden in most people’s eyes, people I knew, that is, yet so fucking profound, I’d never forgotten. Still, I was afraid to give him my heart. I’d compartmentalized my feelings then, was I doing the same thing now? Why? I had no fucking clue. Maybe I was just chickenshit how my world would view this relationship.
I hadn’t told anyone, not even Austin, what had happened between Lorenzo and I. Zena knew and it broke her. Granted she could’ve handled it better, still what would my father say, Trent, my sister, let alone my snobbish grandfather? I came from an affluent family, highly respected. How did I tell them that I was what? Gay? That I wanted to be with a man—a fucking man who’d twisted my hold on sanity just by kissing me? I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready and didn’t think I’d ever be.
My eyes met his. Where mine were filled with insecurity, confusion, his pleaded for me to trust him, to give him a chance. Did I really make a strong man who ruled with an iron fist, appear this vulnerable?
Slowly, I shook my head. “Loving you is easy, Lorenzo. Forgetting you is fucking impossible.” I dropped my gaze to his lips, remembering the searing roar it ignited with just a touch, a debilitating pulse, an ache I couldn’t forget. “But I can’t.” I inhaled on a harsh breath as I turned away. “I have to go.” I called out without looking back.
