Meeting her in the kitchen had never been part of my plan, kissing her even more so. After taking her, I selfishly didn’t care that it wasn’t the right thing to have done. Still, it wasn’t enough to say goodbye—it would never be enough. The void in my heart now back in full force, knowing that I had to let go.
She moaned in her sleep, and the optimistic side of me wondered if it was because she missed my warm body around hers. I could’ve easily lay then until it was time to wake her again, but standing here, taking all of her in, seemed to satiate the pain spreading through my lungs with each aching breath. Everything about this woman was a like scarred scar on my skin, one of those that would fade with time but never completely disappear, even if it was inflicted through torturous pain. She shifted slightly. I let my gaze run over her, from the long curls partially covering her face, to her full, pink lips, parted and swollen from my relentless kisses, to her naked skin, flushed and glowing in the aftermath of our sexual indiscretion. No matter how many times I looked at her, her beauty stole my breath, captivated my heart, and messed with my mind.
If only she could be mine.
I turned as the pink tinge to the horizon began to change, and the slow rays of the sun crept through the windows. I walked around to the side of the bed and sat down. “Sia?” She moaned but didn’t stir. “You need to wake up, Princess.” I leaned closer and nuzzled her cheek. “It’s almost sun-up.” I ran the tip of my nose along the shape of her ear.
Her eyes opened. She squinted at me. “Do I have to wake up?” Her voice was thick with sleep.
No, I wanted to say but nodded. “It’s dawn, and the rest of the house will be up if they already haven’t.” As if on cue, a knock sounded on my door. Sia sat up, the panic in her eyes clamped my heart in a vice grip. I wanted to take her in my arms again, comfort her back into the smile she’d wore barely a second ago. I moved to stand, and she gripped my hand, shaking her head furiously. “It’s okay.” I ran a light finger across her jaw and stood. Thankfully, the bedrooms were designed with a small foyer that shielded the bed from the door.
“Hey, dad,” Rayden greeted me when I opened the door. “Great, you’re up.” He took in my sweatpants clad figure.
Despite my neutral expression, each breath I exhaled resembled the countdown to a ticking time bomb as I prayed he wouldn’t ask to come in. “What’s up.”
“Feel like joining me for a workout in the gym? I need your advice on something.”
“Sure. Give me a few. I’ll join you downstairs?”
“Okay.”
When I closed the door, I leaned a hand against the wall and dropped my head, pulling in deep breaths to curb nausea that threatened the second I saw Rayden’s face. What the fuck have I done? I paced back and forth for a couple of seconds, then glanced in the mirror facing the door. My skin was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. I had the sudden urge to punch the reflection staring back. I didn’t just fuck up. I dug myself into a deep shithole that had no escape. Even if I attempted to climb, I’d sink pretty quick cause I had no fucking footholds to pull myself up in the first place. Steeling my emotions for the moment, I fisted my palms. I had to worry about Sia.
When I walked further in, Sia, now dressed, stopped pacing and glanced up. The look of horror on her face killed me a little more, knowing I was the cause of that expression. Eyes wide, she blinked at me, almost ready to throw up and would probably run given a moment’s notice.
“Was that—” she choked on the words, and I nodded. “Was he—” again, she gagged.
Offering the best smile I could summon, I neared her. “It’s okay, Sia.”
“No. It’s not okay,” she yelled. I didn’t crowd her, letting her vent if she needed to. She pressed her face into her hands, shaking her head. A couple of seconds later, she lifted her head and sucked in a breath. “I thought I’d be fine with it. I’m sorry I yelled.”
“Don’t be.” I took a step closer, and she stepped back.Fuck.
“I should go.” She turned away from me and walked toward the door.
Even though I didn’t follow, I accepted that maybe she had yet to understand the extent of my love for her, and this was not just about sex. Unfortunately, she never would. She’d given me one night. I couldn’t ask more of her. Grabbing a t-shirt, I headed for the gym. When I walked in a couple of minutes later, Rayden shut down the treadmill and stepped off. He took a swig of his water and gestured to the weights. I moved across the room and took the bench next to him.
“What’s up?”
Leaning his elbows on his parted thighs, he stared down at the floor. “Sianna.”
The simple word stilled my heart.Does he know?The second the question popped into my head, shame washed over me. He wouldn’t be this relaxed if he did, the logical part of my brain reasoned. I barely managed to hold back the snort. I was beyond logic and reason. I fucked up. No deduction needed there. Forcing calm into my voice, I asked. “What about her?”
He set his water bottle on the floor and looked at me. “I can’t put my finger on it, but I think she’s having second thoughts about us, and it’s killing me.”
I picked up a dumbbell and clenched my fingers around the barrel, squeezing until my pecs complained of the pressure. “Did you speak to her?”
“What do I say?”
Standing, I dropped the bell and walked over to one of the large windows that made up the gym walls and stared out. “Life changes at every turn, Rayden. Completely unpredictable, no matter how much you plan. Sometimes it’s a serene shade of bliss and sometimes harsh sunlight that can chafe the toughest of hides.” I glanced at him over my shoulder.I’m sorry.My heart cried. Guilt eating my insides. My entire body coiled so tight that I doubted any space existed between my skin and bones. “What’s the one thing I’ve always told you?”
He stared at me for a couple of seconds. “Live every moment to its fullest because it might not be there tomorrow.”
“Someone who loves you truly is a rare find, son, and if you find that person, then that’s the one for you. You hold onto that hand no matter what, because—”
“She might not be there tomorrow.” He stood and neared me.
I swallowed against the offending lump that persisted since I opened my eyes and realized Sia was in my bed. I glanced at him. He and Kyra were my endurance, my strength. I couldn’t take anything from him now—or ever. “Ask her, son.” I looked away. “Always.”
