And as I sat down at the E.R. front desk, I clocked myself in.
Before I jumped at every loud sound.
Every time someone burst through the E.R. doors, I flinched. Every time someone came up behind me to say something, I gasped and whipped around. Every time I turned a corner, I held my breath, waiting for Dean to be standing there with yet another warning that I knew I wouldn't be able to ignore again.
So, once my first small break hit, I went and locked myself in an empty janitorial closet.
Which just so happened to be the one I pulled Dean into the other night.
“Knock knock.”
I recognized the voice of one of my co-workers, Miss Alma. “Yeah?”
She twisted the knob and cracked the door open. “You okay? You’ve been jumpy all night.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head as if she could see me. “I just didn’t get enough sleep. It’s my first job on the night shift, so it’s taking some adjusting.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Took me almost a month when I first started. But don’t worry, you’ll get there.”
“Any pointers for a newbie?”
“Chamomile tea before bedtime. Knocks me completely out. That, or warm lettuce water.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Lettuce water?”
“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. My grandmother used it all the time, and it knocked me on my ass as a child.”
I grinned. “All right, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
After she closed the door, I pulled my phone out and set a timer for fifteen minutes. Then, I sat down, leaned my head against the cold, hard steel shelves behind me, and closed my eyes. I slept until my alarm went off, then I leapt up and went in search of some caffeine before I got back to work.
And as my shift wore on, I felt calmer.
I mean, those guys were just assholes who wanted the best care they could get for their friend. Anyone would want that for someone they cared about. But that didn’t mean that they were going to come after me. That didn’t mean that Dean’s empty warning somehow meant something.
That was, until another gunshot wound rolled through the doors around one in the morning.
The commotion in the E.R. reminded me of the other night and my hands shook. The guy on the gurney had been shot in the shoulder and was losing a hell of a lot of blood. The bullet must’ve nicked a major artery going in. They rolled him through the metal double doors and the chaos quickly died down before the janitor came into the concave room and cleaned up the blood that dripped onto the floor.
And as I flopped back down into my office chair, I let out a sigh of relief.
“Nothing bad happened,” I said breathlessly, “nothing to be worried about.”
My lunch break came around at three in the morning and I found myself in the break room. I pulled a sandwich and some chips out of my purse before pouring myself a cup of terrible break room coffee to help thread some energy back through my veins. And after taking a few bites of my lukewarm sandwich, I pulled out the latest graphic novel I’d been reading through.
About a superhero and his undying love for the villain in his life.
I lost myself within the pages of the book. I loved using books as an escape from my world, especially when I could dive into a fantastical world of superheroes and comic book pictures. It gave me moments in my life where I didn’t have to worry about my daughter, or her safety, or how we’d make rent, or the life and death of patients that rolled through those doors. Hell, back when I was a doctor, they were an escape from the actual life and death scenarios I faced on a daily basis. And at that moment, as I curled up on the break room couch against the far wall of the room, it helped me to get my mind off Dean.
Because I still didn’t know whether to tell Natty the truth about her father or not.
I mean, as angry as I was with how Dean treated me, deep down I truly felt that he’d be a good father figure for Natty. When he and I were together, he always talked about having a house full of kids. And while I always chuckled at him and told him we’d revisit the notion whenever we were a bit more stable financially, I didn’t have any qualms with giving him two or three children.
I had no doubt that Dean would be a great father, if given the chance.
