Still, as I stood at the front gate of the apartment complex, I couldn’t help but be vigilant about the people passing me by.
I didn’t think that the altercation at the hospital had gotten to me as much as it had, but between having that man’s hand wrapped around my neck and Dean resurfacing out of seemingly nowhere in the blink of an eye, I grew nervous for my evening shift. Last night had been just fine, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone had been watching me. Maybe it was my paranoia; some overcharged motherly instinct now that I knew my daughter’s father was not only alive, but in town.
However, part of me knew better, especially after the conversation I had with Dean.
Am I really a target for something?
It didn’t take a brain surgeon to know that the guys who rolled up on us at the E.R. looking like they did were dangerous. So, it made sense that I’d be paranoid for a little while after the fact. But the hospital was safe. There were multiple security guards on every level and they did patrols around the outskirts every hour, on the hour. So, I’d be safe there, at least.
Right?
“Mom!” Natty exclaimed.
I held my arms out for my daughter and she raced into them. “Oooooh, my goodness. Hey there, sweetheart.”
I peppered the top of her head with kisses as she wrapped her arm around my waist. “I gotta tell you about this fight that happened at school.”
I waved at the bus driver before we turned and started walking up the hill. “A fight? You weren’t in it, were you?”
She snickered. “Not by a longshot. But Margie was in it.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Your best friend, Margie? Is she okay?”
“Mom, she’s not mybestfriend. She’s just a friend.”
“Well, she’s the only friend you talk about.”
“Because she’s my only friend.”
My heart dropped a bit. “Does that make you sad?”
She rolled her eyes. “Mom, not everything is sad, okay? I wanna tell you about this fight. I mean, they fought over a roll at lunch!”
I furrowed my brow. “That seems like an odd fight.”
“Right!? I tried to talk her down, but would Margie listen? Noooo-O! She wouldn’t. Not one bit. She’s so crazy like that, you know? I don’t know how she sleeps at night.”
I barked with laughter. “You sound like an old woman.”
She giggled. “Hey, I just think fighting is pointless.”
I sighed. “You and me, both.”
I listened as my daughter rattled on about her day and the smallest part of me wondered what it might be like to have Dean with us. Granted, I’d never let him that close. I’d never let him into our daughter’s life after what he did to me. Dropping off like that after a deployment that I thought had killed him. I still didn’t know all the details, and I didn’t care to know. The only important detail was that he had been completely okay leaving me behind without a chance to talk with him, or end things properly, or even talk him out of whatever the hell had taken him away in the first place.
I had been disposable to him. But damn it, Natty wasn’t disposable.
And neither was I.
Natty kept talking about her day while I made us some dinner, and right at seven a knock came at the door. She rushed to open it up before flinging herself into Auntie Chloe’s arms, and I quickly became chopped liver. I backtracked to go get a shower while Natty rattled on in my best friend’s ear about the fight that happened at school. I washed myself down and mentally prepared myself for another long night of trying to convince myself not to look over my shoulder.
Then, I hugged and kissed my daughter before I headed in for my shift.
* * *
“Come on, stop looking around. No one’s following you,” I whispered to myself.
Still, I found myself rubber-necking the entire way into work. I found myself cruising around the entire E.R. parking lot before parking beneath a brightly lit lamp near the front door. I scurried inside, trying to ignore the hairs on the nape of my neck standing on end.
