At first, I just lay there stiffly, unable to relax.
“Shh,” she whispered in my ear.
I remembered that—that whispery hush in my ear when she used to hold me and comfort me as a child. Tears filled my eyes, and I melted into her arms, just like I had when I was a little girl.
“Shh, you’re okay now.”
I wrapped my arm around her waist and tucked my other hand under my cheek.
“You don’t need to talk right now if you don’t want to. But you do need to let me be here for you,” she said.
I nodded against her, and she hugged me tighter.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whispered.
“Oh, honey, none of us do,” she whispered back.
I didn’t believe that. She always seemed to have the answers. “You do,” I insisted.
“Just yesterday, I was crying to Gram and Delphine because you wouldn’t talk to me, and I was worried about you.”
Surprised, I glanced up at her face, and she smiled at me. “Oh,” I said.
She wiped the tears from my cheek and squeezed me tighter. “You used to talk to me, until you were about five or six.” She laughed softly. “After that, you were all about Luke and Rose. I would see you three, whispering to each other, giggling together, and it made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy that you were all so close, but sad because you’re my baby and I wanted you to confide in me too. Rose wasn’t quiet like you. She let it all hang out. No secrets with that one. You were always my little mystery girl.”
“I don’t talk to Luke like that anymore. We went out tonight and—” I sighed. I don’t even know what he did for all these yearswhen he was home on leave. I have never met Liam before, and they were friends when we were still together. He has secrets, or just stuff he doesn’t want to talk about. He thinks he has to protect me, but I don’t like that. I don’t expect to know every little detail about his life without me, but I don’t like how it makes me feel. I feel like I can’t talk freely. It feels like there are things that will push him away if I say them out loud.” It felt good to talk to my mother, to confide in her. These thoughts were like thorns, poking me from the inside, and now they were out.
“He’s been through a lot. It probably hurts to talk about some of it. He’s in therapy. I can only assume he’s getting it out that way,” she said.
“That’s good, but, well, I guess I feel left out. We used to talk about everything, and it was easy.”
“He’s always put you on a pedestal. But after you two fell in love, I could tell that he was sort of in awe of you, like he couldn’t believe he’d gotten so lucky and didn’t want to ruin it.”
I nodded. When we first got together, I’d thought I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend who was so romantic and giving. “That was becoming a problem between us. Sometimes I wanted to be the one to take care of him, to comfort him or just talk about what he was going through.” I paused, remembering. “But then he got hurt, and it was too late because he was gone.”
“Did you talk about it back then? The distance between the two of you?” she asked.
I didn’t want to admit the truth, but I did it anyway. “No. I didn’t. I just waited for him to tell me on his own. I would ask questions, and I wouldn’t argue when he deflected them. I never told him it bothered me.”
“Honey, you aren’t exactly an open book, you know. You keep everything inside. If you want him to be open, you have to do it too.”
“I could tell he was hurting and I didn’t want to make it worse. Instead, I caused a problem.”
“I don’t think either one of youcausedit. It just grew from each of you trying to protect the other. Luke was never any good at asking for what he needed, something I blame his dad for. After Diana died, Chuck closed himself off and Luke was pretty much alone in that house. Jed and I tried to get him to let Luke live here or move in with Jed. But Chuck wouldn’t hear of it. ‘What would people think?’”
I looked up at her, surprised. I never knew she’d tried to help Luke get away from his dad.
“I know!” she exclaimed. “You need to seduce him.”
My head shot back at that odd change of topic.What?
“What?” I said, shocked.
“I’m not kidding myself. I know you guys have had sex before. Obviously. You have a child together. But just... jump him. Shock him.” She shook her head and said matter-of-factly, “Get off that pedestal, Lily. You need to be on equal footing.”
I was still agape. “What?” I repeated.
“Normally, I would never tell one of my daughters such a thing. But it’s Luke. He loves you, and he always has. He needs to see you as an equal, not as a fragile angel he needs to protect. So, yeah, seduce him. Wear something red and sexy and jump his bones.”
