“Different, how?”
“With my debt paid, my evenings willofficiallybe free now. Won’t you be tired of me?”
“I could never get tired of you.” His hand ran along my back and goosebumps formed along my spine. “Dinner every night. Coming home to you after I get off work. Watching every crime documentary we can get our hands on. Waking up to you every morning. Taking you on more work trips with me if you want—showing you the world. The options for us are endless, Avery.”
“That sounds like a pretty amazing life.”
“It is. And it’s yours. Ours.” He pulled me into his body, holding me tighter.
“I don’t want this to come off wrong and push you away?—”
“You could never push me away,” he answered before I could finish.
All this talk of the future—ourfuture—had me thinking.
“So, you’re a little bit older than me, and we are in very different … places in life.”
“Does that bother you?” He squeezed my arm, sending waves of butterflies swimming through my bloodstream.
“Our age has never bothered me. But I guess I just wonder … What do you want for your future when it comes to me?”
“Are you asking if I ever want to settle down and get married, Avery?”
Married.
The commitment was something I’d always wanted in life. Whether I knew it or not, it was always something I’d been chasing. My parents couldn’t commit to raising a child. My ex couldn’t commit to me. I dreamed of the day someone would walk into my life without the intention of leaving.
“I guess I am. I don’t want that to scare you. It’s not like I’m asking you to put a ring on my finger tomorrow.”
Clearing his throat, he answered, “I’ve never been married. I always assumed when I found the right one, I’d do whatever it takes to make her mine. Claim her forever.”
His words latched onto my heart and seeped into my soul. My cheeks burned red and the intensity in which my smile formed was a rare and unfamiliar feeling. I was so happy and high on love that I had a feeling I was finally understanding what being lovesick felt like.
It was almost as if he took my thoughts and made them his own. He wanted to get married in his future and give me the sense of security that I’d never experienced before.
“What is your stance on children? I mean, I know you’re already a dad…”
Normally, I wouldn’t jump to such heavy topics with someone in such a short amount of time. But with Spencer, it was different. He was older. He had his shit together. He wouldn’t react like men my age and run away at the mention of marriage and children.
“It’s not my first thought when it comes to how I want to live out the rest of my forties and so on. But I’m also not opposed to it.” He took a deep breath before finishing, “Part of me thinks if I was given a chance for a do over, to actually know about Jackson, then I would do a hell of a lot better job at this wholedad thing. I guess I don’t have a firm stance on the topic. I’d be happy with my life either way it went.” His head tilted back, taking a moment to gauge my reaction before he asked, “What about you? What are your thoughts on kids?”
“I actually don’t want them.” My eyes shifted down, feeling shame.
I shouldn’t feel ashamed when saying I don’t want kids. But unfortunately, this world was a judgmental place to live, andsomewhere along the way, it became the norm for every woman to grow up wanting children.
“Hey…” His hand gripped my jaw, tilting my head back up.
“Does that make you think differently of me?”
“As much as I think you would be an amazing mother, I don’t think you have to do that with your life if it isn’t what you want. I think it’s actually quite selfless of you to choose not to have children.”
My eyes widened.
“Most people would say selfish…”
“There could be a million reasons not to have children. But even if your reasons were selfish, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is your personal choice.”
Fuck, how was this man so understanding?
