“I have, which brings me to one last thing I need to be honest about.” Jax swallowed thickly, and I had no idea if I should be nervous, scared, or angry, because honestly, what else could he tell me at this point that would even shock me?
“What is it?” I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.
“I mentioned it to my dad after you left that day, and trust me, he chewed me out over it, but I wanted to tell you because I thought you deserved to know.”
“Okay, out with it Jax.” I tapped my fingers on the edge of the table, my patience wearing thin.
“The night of the video, the guys propositioned me to sell them the recording so we could all make a buck off the views it would get.” His eyes dipped, refusing eye contact with me as he finished. “I was an idiot and fell for it. They paid me a few hundred bucks, and I never saw a dime after that. I was being greedy, and in the process, I hurt the people I cared about most by taking this as far as I did. I’m really fucking sorry, Avery.”
Jax finally lifted his eyes from his lap, and I swear when they made contact with mine, they were glossed over. In all the years I’d known him, I couldn’t think of a time I’d ever really witnessed him show raw emotion.
I wasn’t shocked that new information was coming to light from that night, but to be honest, I was ready for it to all be over. I was prepared for it to be over the day I paid him the rest of the money.
“Is it shitty to hear that you were so easily convinced to hand over a private video for such a small amount? Yeah, that kind of stings. But to be frank, Jax, I just want to move on. For years now, I’ve had to deal with this weight on my shoulders, and most days it felt like that weight could kill me. Today, there is nothing I can do about it. It’s done and over with. But if there is any way you could possibly make all this a little bit lighter?—”
“Please tell me. I’ll do anything.”
His eyes still shined with tears he was doing a hell of a job holding back, and he brought his hands up to the table, interlocking his fingers as if he was praying for me to tell him how he could begin to skim the surface and make everything one percent better.
“You said you were seeing a therapist?”
“Yeah. It’s new, but I am.”
“Good. Keep going to therapy. If there is anything you’ve left out of this whole situation, please don’t feel the need to tell me. Tell your therapist. Get it all out in a safe space, just between thetwo of you. Keep working on yourself and turn over a new leaf. Don’t ever allow yourself to go backward, and please for the love of God, when you find someone new to be with one day, begoodto her.Communicatewith her.Loveher the way she deserves andneverdo anything like this ever again. Please take this as a learning experience and grow from it. And lastly, understand that you willnevercome across someone in your life as forgiving as I am.”
Void of any words, Jax nodded. When he couldn’t find the right words to say, a lone tear rolled down his cheek, surrendering as if he were waving a white flag. The simple nod and emotion in his eyes were a silent promise that he would take those words and put them into action.
His hand quickly wiped away the tear, and after a few moments of silence between us, he cracked a nervous smile.
“So, what now?” He chuckled, and I couldn’t help but laugh back.
An awkward silence continued, but this time, there was a weight off my shoulders. A lightness in the air. It would be a long time before I considered Jax a friend or an acquaintance; he still had a way to go, and I still needed to continue to heal. But it finally felt like there was some closure between us that we hadn’t had for years.
“I think we just take some time to breathe. Heal.” I took a deep breath.
“You’re right. If you don’t mind … tell my dad when you talk to him that I’ll be giving you two some space. I’m going to keep working on me. I’ll be around when you guys are ready.”
Knowing how badly he wanted a relationship with his dad over the years, it did mean something that he was willing to put that on hold for just a while longer—for me.
Jax began to stand, stuffing his hands back in his pockets just like he had when he first arrived.
“See ya around, Avery.”
He nodded, but before he could get too far, I called out to him.
“Jax.”
His head turned, and I asked, “Mind sending me that photo of my mom’s last wishes?” I still needed time to process all of that, and to be honest, I’d blacked out reading through it the first time. It would probably take a few more times of reading it for it all to truly sink in.
“Of course.”
He turned away, and before he even reached the doors, my phone dinged with a photo of my mom’s handwriting. I hadn’t even read through it one more time, and my friends were already at my side, sliding into the booth, one on each side, sandwiching me in with a hug.
The three of us sat in silence as they waited for me to start from the beginning. And as badly as I wanted to run to Spencer’s, I needed their company the most right now.
Spencer told me he’d wait as long as I needed. Little did he know, he wouldn’t have to send me a goodnight text for the first time in a month. This time, he’d tell me goodnight as I hugged him and refused to let go ever again.
I’d beena basket case all day long. When Jayson had to head out and get some rest for his game tomorrow night, he made sure that I left the bar with him. He said I didn’t need to waste away in public—it’d be a better look if I did it from home.
