A short woman with thick, graying hair that fell to her shoulders answered the door. A brief moment passed as the shock across her face turned to confusion, then relief,then delight. Her glittering, lapis eyes widened and her lips curved into a bright, toothy grin.
“Oh!” was all she could manage before falling into the lieutenant’s embrace.
“Hi, Mother,” he said, folding his arms around the sobbing woman.
Chapter 21
Tethys excused herself to the washroom with a pair of his sister, Penelope’s, trousers and linen tunic draped across her arm. And now, finally alone with his mother, Araes let his guarded mind take a rest. The goddess had lost control, but he had too. The words she’d said still ripped through him, “It’s no more than I hate myself.” Araes knew she was broken, but the depth of that fracture shocked him. He hadn’t known what to say or how to react to her admission, so he kept quiet. But silence only offered fuel for the fire. Her trip to Ophis’s was a cry for help, and he’d been so clouded in judgement he hadn’t noticed it. Maybe he was no better than the autumn king in that regard. He sighed and combed his fingers through his hair.
At least he was home and Tethys was safe, but there was no comfort here. He sat in the same seat he always had at their old wooden table with the same mug he always used. His index finger traced the familiar chip along its handle.
“You’ve grown nearly unrecognizable from the boywho hugged me goodbye six years ago,” his mother said with a tinge of sadness in her tone.
“The war was long,” Araes remarked. He took a sip from his mug, hoping the piping hot anise tea would warm the empty chill creeping in.
“And tell me about these new orders. You’re back in the city permanently?” she asked, prodding a silvery blue eye toward him.
“At least until I’m reassigned,” he said. “I’m not certain when that will be, though.” Araes swallowed the thought of these being his final orders with another sip of tea. It had taken his whole body to keep from screaming at the goddess. She pushed his limits just up to his breaking point, and his self-control dwindled the longer he withstood her.
But last night? She’d risked so much. Too much. Seeing her exposed like that…humiliated as she was…it made him see red. His head pounded and his blood turned to ice at the sight of those men. Araes hadn’t thought twice about slaughtering those fucks.
He’d felt this unrelenting need to protect her. To defend what washis. How fucking confusing was that? She’d never be his, not if either of them could help it. Was she truly someone he desired?
“Araes.” His mother’s voice pulled him from his thoughts just as he was on the brink of spiraling. He shut down those traitorous feelings and stirred another sugar cube into the fresh cup she poured him.
“Sorry Mother, I seem to have lost myself. It was a long night,” he said, shaking away the memory of Tethys’s bare skin against his fingertips.
“Why didn’t you send word you were home?” his mother asked again. Araes focused on a healing cut across the back of his hand. “Araes. Look at me,” she pressed again.
“My orders are at the queen’s manor. I wouldn’t be able to come home anyway,” he said, risking a glance at the oldwoman.
“We at least would have known you weresafe. Penelope barely sleeps through the night worried she’ll lose you too,” she cried, bracing her elbows against the knotted pine table.
Araes turned to the window and watched the morning sky lighten on the horizon. The off-white linen curtains floated with the gentle cliff side breeze. His mother had hand-sewn, then repaired them more times than he could count. Like everything else in their cottage, they desperately needed a replacement.
He hated how quiet the home was. How empty it now felt. This place, although with comforting familiarity, was a constant reminder of Enyo. Like vines, memories clung on to every surface. They screamed his name. Even each damned nail embedded into the floorboards begged for his attention.
Araes lungs torqued as visions of his twin brother escaped the locked up place he kept them. Enyo leaned against the cottage’s side door frame, covered in muck and dirt from a morning spent in their mother’s gardens. The pair of them seated next to one another at the table, fighting over the last biscuit. It was unbearable being here, sitting at this table, staring at the vacant seat opposite him.
The day Enyo died, Araes felt a part of himself rip away. What was there before, suddenly wasn’t. He had been here, in this exact chair, when he felt it—the sudden split of his soul.
“I know you miss him, Araes. We all do, but please, don’t shut us out. Now, more than ever, you need us just as much as we do you,” his mother whispered, grasping his hand from across the table. Her gentle touch knotted his throat.
“I should check on the queen. She’s been in there a while,” he said, rising to his feet. The scratch against hisdry throat watered his traitorous eyes as he risked a glance down at her.
Before she could protest, Araes rounded the corner and trudged down the hallway, shielding his mind from the vicious and unwavering attack of his memories. His chest was tight. Too tight. Air couldn’t fill his lungs. The hallway narrowed around him, folding his limbs in on themselves. He was captive to the panic now ricocheting through his body.
In attempts to ground himself, Araes knocked on his bedroom door and focused on the small chips in its white paint. He counted them. There were twelve. Enyo’s bedroom opposite his own screeched at his back. Araes restarted. Still twelve flecks. Urgency pounded in his head, he couldn’t hold out much longer. Thinking of the queen’s reaction to the crumbling remnants of the man he’d surely become only caused his blood to thrum through him faster.
“Come in,” she called in a voice muffled behind the door.
Araes swallowed hard, desperately trying to shut his wave of grief down. He entered and clicked the door shut, leaving his twin’s shrieking bedroom door to its own vices.
“Lieutenant…are you alright?” she asked, palpable concern wrinkled in her brow.
“Y-yes. I’m fine.” He cleared his throat. Araes inhaled through his nose and held the air for a few heartbeats. He learned to compartmentalize during his basic training.Shut this shit down,he repeated to himself. He couldn’t afford to crack right now. Not in the presence of the goddess.
“Are you sure?” she asked, rising from her chair. She’d washed and brushed out her knotted curls. The blonde locks hung down her shoulders and fell perfectly across her breasts. He made every effort to stare at her brow. The powder-blue tunic she wore was just sheer enough that he could make out the faint outline of her nipples. If it weren’t for the immense weight of his memories nowcrushing his chest, his cheeks may have reddened at the sight of her.
