“I don’t need to be a therapist with you. I know you, Jen. You’re scared, and you think that because of what happened between us you don’t deserve something good, but you’re wrong.”
Jenna stood up. “Okay, I don’t think we need to bring up old shit?—”
“Sit down,” Asher stated calmly but firmly.
One of the things that Jenna had always loved about Asher was his air of authority. When he spoke, people listened, they did what he said. He could take charge and control of situations, but, in this particular instance, it was frustrating as hell because without even thinking about it, she found herself lowering back down.
“When you and James broke up and you apologized to me for cheating, I told you that you didn’t need to apologize because for all intents and purposes you were a single mom and that I’d left the marriage a long time ago.”
Jenna felt her eyes start to water. Cheating on Asher with James was thebiggestregret of her life. Not that she thought she and Asher belonged together, she didn’t. Just that she’d hurt him. That she’d betrayed him.
“That conversation we had was before I was married, really married, now that I am…” Asher took in a deep breath. He looked down at the table, his fingers spread out, and then he fisted his hand before he looked back up at her and shook his head, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I knew I was a bad husband, but fuck, Jen, I don’t know how you stayed as long as you did. Working undercover fucked me up. I was gone for months, you couldn’t get in contact with me. When I would come home, I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t talk to you, I barely interacted with Blake. I was a shitty dad. I was a shitty husband. I was a shell of myself. For years,years, you put up with that. I don’t know how or why you did that. ButIshould have been the one apologizing to you.I’msorry.What I put you through was…I have to forgive myself, and youhaveto forgive yourself.”
Jenna knew that he meant well, but what she did was wrong. It just was. She shook her head.
“Jenna.”
She looked at him.
He reached across the table and put his hand over hers. “Jenna, you’renotyour mom.”
She pulled her hand away from him faster than if he’d touched her with a hot curling iron. “I know that. Why would you bring her…? Why would you say… I know that.”
“BecauseIthink that’s why you can’t let it go. It was somethingshewould have done, and you’ve lived your entire life proving to yourself and everyone else you arenothinglike her.”
Had she? Is that what she’d done?
He took a deep breath. “When we got together, you liked mea lot, but you didn’t love me, not like I loved you. I was safe, safer than the men who were always at your apartment. And then when you moved out at sixteen, it was scary, and I was there. I was safe.”
“Why are you saying this? I didloveyou.” Jenna felt like he was rewriting history. Maybe it wasn’t adult love, but it was love.
“Just let me finish, okay. I’ve been thinking a lot about this?—”
“Why? Why have you been thinking about this? It’snoneof your business.”
“We’re family, Jen. We have a beautiful girl upstairs who is half of you and half of me, and we made her, andshe deserves two parents who are the best versions of themselves. You stood by me when I was at my lowest. You didn’t give up on me.
“Every time I’ve needed you, you’ve been there. We were getting divorced and you were dropping off my prescriptions, doing my laundry and making meals every night, leaving them on my doorstep?—"
“How did you know?—”
“I’m a detective. Also, Mrs. Murphy next door has a big mouth.”
“You don’t eat when you get depressed and you were recovering from being shot.” Jenna defended her actions.
She’d just wanted to make sure he was eating enough to get his strength back. And she knew he’d never do his laundry. And if she hadn’t gotten his prescriptions, he wouldn’t have taken them.
“When people were telling you not to let me see Blake, including ajudge, you told them to fuck off. You told ajudgeto fuck off.”
She had done that and almost got found in contempt of court, thankfully, her lawyer was screwing the judge, so he let it go. She would haveneverkept Blake away from Asher.Never. She didn’t care what a judge said about his “state of mind.”
“Seeing Blake saved my life. I think you know that.”
She did. Right after he was shot, he had to see her those summers and holidays. It was what he lived for.
“So can I finish now, and for once can you please shut up and not interrupt me?”
“Fine,” she sighed, agreeing begrudgingly.
