I see the others dancing, I see them laughing, and among all my partying friends, I see Colin, and he sees me.Dark eyes, empty gaze.Looking straight into my soul.
And something inside me dies.
No.No, that...that’s impossible.
He’d never...
But Olive, you saw him.
Colin with the lighter in his room.His shock as I came in, the way he tried to hide it.Me screaming at him.Him walking out when I undressed in front of him.
And suddenly everything makes sense.Colin staring at the scars the fire left on my skin.The despair on his face.
I stand up.My heart is racing as I see him coming over.He can feel that something’s wrong.I can’t hear the music now.I find myself in a whirlpool of panic, sucking me under, drowning everything around me.
Then Colin’s facing me, and I hold my phone out to him.
“What’s this?”I don’t know how my voice is still working.“What is it, Colin?”
All the color drains from his face, and he doesn’t need to speak—that’s answer enough.But I can’t believe it.I just can’t.
“Where did you get that?”he snaps, but I ignore him.
“Is it true?”I croak.
He snatches my phone.I want to cry.
“Where the fuck...”he begins but falls silent as he reads.His tongue is heavy with booze, and I don’t want this really to be happening.
“Tell me it’s not true.”
He lifts his head, slowly, and he knows everything is lost, that there’s no point in denying it.That I know.That soon everyone here will know.
“Olive, I...”he begins, but I shake my head.
“Who are you?”I whisper as a hurricane is unleashed inside me.I grab back my phone.“Who the fuck are you?”
He opens his mouth, pain, horror, and remorse flickering in his dark eyes.
Remorse...
I’m falling.Or that’s how it feels.Like the floor’s disappeared under my feet, pulled away with a jerk, no chance to hold on to anything.No fucking chance.I was just getting somewhere.I wanted to get better.
“How can you live with a thing like that?”My voice breaks.He flinches like I’ve slapped his face.“You should never have come here, Colin Fantino.”
He opens his mouth.He doesn’t speak.
I feel dizzy.
I turn.I walk away.I run.
29
Colin
I know this feeling.Numbing fear, paralyzing shock.The world has suddenly gone into slow motion in front of me, while I can’t move a muscle.
Who are you?
