He says nothing, caught out.
“Colin...”
“I’m trying to quit.I really am.”He looks up.“It’s just...Mykid sister knows about us.But I promised her I’d be home soon, so now I’m scared she’s freaking out.”
I gulp, but my throat is dry.“Do you still want to go back to New York as soon as possible?”I ask.
Colin sighs quietly.“I want to be with you, OK?That’s no secret.But Cleo...My parents are never there, all she has is school and sometimes going to her friend’s.But friendships at Ainslee, I dunno...it’s not like what you guys have here.It’s all surface-level, and Cleo doesn’t know any different.What kind of life is that?I wanted to be there, to take care of her, to make sure things work out better for her than for me, you know?”
I nod, because I get that.“What if you asked her about starting here too?”
Colin’s eyebrows contract.“At Dunbridge?”
“Yeah, why not?Then youcouldbe together and...I’m sure she’d have a great time.”
Colin’s hesitation speaks volumes.And I feel hurt because I’m suddenly not so sure how much he really wants to be with me.He’s from New York; he wants to go back there.He’s only in Scotland because he can’t get away.I can’t think about what he’d do if he had a choice.
“It’s not that easy,” he says, and his voice sounds knackered.“You don’t understand—nobody understands.It’s...everything’s kind of fucked up right now.”
For a while, I lie next to him in silence.He glances at me, then looks away again hastily.I want to know what he’s thinking.Or maybe I don’t, because I’m afraid inside his head is a pretty dark place.
“But Colin, you know that things will get better again,” I say in the end.“Don’t you?”
He doesn’t answer, just breathes heavily, which means that all this is getting to be too much for him, so he’s covering that up by being irritable.
“Fantino...”
“Things aren’t going to get better again, Olive Garden.Not when you’re me.”
“You can’t know that.”
“You neither.”
I don’t speak for a while.This conversation is heavy, and I don’t like where it’s going.“Colin, you...you sound kind of bleak.”
He laughs quietly.“That’s probably because I am kind of bleak.”
“How bleak?”
“A bit.”
“Colin, you should see Ms.Vail.”
“That won’t help.”
“Please.”I put my hand on his face and turn it so that he has to look at me.“I know it feels hopeless, but things will get better.There’ll be good times ahead.I promise.”
“You shouldn’t promise things you don’t know for certain, Olive.”
“Right,” I say.Nothing more.
He exhales slowly.
“You don’t need to tell me I’m annoying.I know that already.”
His face is hard, because this is a hard conversation, but I can see in his eyes that it was right to have it.“Thanks for not stopping being annoying,” he says, to my surprise.
“I do my best.”
