Dad nods.“Absolutely.”
God, if he knew...I can’t imagine Dad would still say that if he had any idea of the truth I’m lugging around.But with him sitting here with me now, giving me the feeling that I can tell him anything, I don’t know how I can keep it from him even one day longer.
“So do you think that the truth is better even if it could hurt someone?”I ask hesitantly.
“I think the truth is the most important thing of all, love,” Dad declares, giving me a brief smile.“You know that.”
Apparently I don’t.I’d forgotten, not just briefly but for way too long.Until now.“If that’s so, then there’s something you should know.”No.Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.But I have to.I can’t bear not telling him any longer.I always used to think not knowing stuff was bad.Now I think I was wrong.Knowing things you’re not meant to know is way worse.I shut my eyes for a moment, then carry on.“Mum’s...she had...”God, get on with it.Spit it out.There’s no going back now.“I saw her kissing another man.”
I shut my eyes once I’ve said the words.Why did I tell him?What good does it do Dad to know?It was just egocentric and selfish of me, to stop me feeling like a traitor.But his feelings should be way more important to me.
Dad says nothing, and that might be the worst silence I’ve ever experienced.When I look at him, he’s pale but together.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, Dad, truly,” I say.“I saw her in Ebrington, ages ago, and she convinced me not to say anything to you.Dad, I thought I was doing the right thing, I didn’t want to...”
“I know, Olive.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner...”
“Olive,” he repeats.“I know about it.”Dad stresses every syllable, and the world stops spinning.“Your mother told me.A few weeks ago.We had...several long conversations.”He clears his throat and I want to jump up.To run away.“Sadly, we haven’t had a genuine relationship for a long time now.And I recently met someone too.”
Two sentences that shatter my world.
I feel numb.Dizzy.Empty.
“What?”I whisper.The expression on Dad’s face as he leans forward slightly and I flinch back is one of pure pain, which matches the feeling in my chest.
“We wanted to tell you together.Calmly.When we were totally certain.”
“So you’re getting divorced?”
Dad says nothing.Then he nods slowly.
I don’t know what changes at that moment, but I can’t remember how to cry.I don’t yell.I don’t create a drama.I just stand up.
“And now you’re totally certain,” I suggest.
“We’re still your parents.It won’t change anything there.”Dad has stood up too.“Olive, I’m sorry you’re only finding it out this way.I had no idea that you knew about your mother and Alexis.”
“So sheisstill with him?”My voice has never sounded so empty.“She said it was over.When I got out of hospital, she...I thought...”
“Your mother spoke to me not long after that.”Dad sounds serious, but he doesn’t seem half as hurt as I always thought he’d be.
“And you...you’ve already met someone new?”It takes every bit of my self-control to ask that.But I can’t freak out now, I just can’t.
Dad looks so sad that it makes me angry.What was he expecting?What?“Nathalie,” he says, after a while.“I haven’t known her long.But she’s really looking forward to meeting you.”
“You’ve told her about me?”My voice breaks.
“She has two grown-up sons, students—one’s at Oxford and the other’s at Cambridge.I’m sure you’ll get along and...”
Dad keeps speaking, but I don’t hear the rest.I wait till he’s finished.I nod when he asks questions.I feel like a shell filled with nothing.
Mum’s back with Alexis then.It’s official.Even though she and Dad only ended things a few weeks ago, he’s ready for a new relationship, which can only mean one thing: He was expecting it.He knew it, he guessed it, he had time to come to terms with it.He knew it while the thought that I was letting him down was causing me sleepless nights.Now I know I’m not doing that.But what I feel now is no better.Now I’m the one who’s been let down.
“Nothing will change between us, pet,” Dad insists again, and I wonder how people can flat-out lie like that.
“So are the two of them moving in here like one big, happy commune?”I burst out, because I’m only human and I can’t hold it in much longer.Not when my dad’s making me promises he can’t keep.
