But how was I supposed to know that meant she’d stop me telling the truth?I thought she wanted to get me the best legal defense there was, someone who’d help me know what to say, but that wasn’t what she had in mind at all.Her plan was to cover up what I did, and I was too cowardly to fight against it.
“If you want to speak to a therapist, I’ll send you some numbers,” she says calmly.
I shake my head, pulling at my hair.“You don’t get it.You don’t want to get it.How can you want to cover up a thing like this?”
“How can you want your sister to have her brother publicly shamed even when there arealternatives?”
I grind my teeth so hard that my jaw cracks.“Leave Cleo out of this.”
“Think about your family.You’re a Fantino, and that comes with responsibilities.Now you have the chance to prove that you’re capable of acting like an adult.”
“Do you ever listen to yourself?”
“Colin, you think you’re so smart, but the truth is that you still have a lot to learn in life.This is your first challenge—take it with dignity.Anyone else would be grateful that their family supported them like this.”
“This isn’t supporting me,” I manage.“This is emotional blackmail.”
“You will stay at that school and not say another word about it,” Mom declares.“Think about your sister.Think about your future.And I don’t want to hear another word on this subject.”
I bite my bottom lip because there’s so much I want to say.To ask my mother how she can seriously believe she’s doing the right thing.How she can look at herself in the mirror, how she thinksIcan look at myself in the mirror.Whether truth and justice aren’t more important than our family’s goddamn appearance.But I know the answers to all those questions.There’s no needto ask them.Tears sting in my eyes.I’m weak, and I don’t want her to hear me like this.
“I hate you,” I whisper, and I mean it.But I hate myself too, more than anything, and I can’t see any way out except taking action myself.Even if it means getting in touch with the police from here, confessing to what I did.She can’t stop me.And I have to do it.Even though the thought of it sends me into a blind panic.I have to call them.And today, not tomorrow.Except that I should think about what to say.And how to explain why I’ve kept quiet this long.
“One day you’ll thank me,” Mom says.
I end the call—I can’t take any more.I hurl my lighter onto the floor and the sound makes me jump.I instantly regret it, but I prick my ears and listen, there in the dark, for a few seconds, and nothing happens, so I take a shivery breath.There’s nobody here, nobody to have heard me.If I really want to go through with this, I have to prepare myself.In peace.
OK.
I stare up at the ceiling, I gulp hard.I bend down for the shitty lighter, which obviously didn’t break.And then I lose the last of my self-respect as I flick back the lid and hold the flame to my skin.
Olive
He walks past me without once looking me in the face, and for a moment, I don’t know how to keep breathing.There’s just this pressure in my chest and the buzzing in my head.
He’s walking away.
I told him what happened andhe’s walking away.
I don’t care, but apparently my body does, because when Colin goes, I feel sick.The door shuts, I stand in his room wearing nothing but my leggings and a bra, asking myself what just happened.A dry sob bursts from my throat as it sinks in.
How could he do that?How could he just walk out?
I don’t know how long I stand there before I hear voices and laughter outside the door.
I have just enough time to pull my top back on before I spin around to face Tori and Sinclair.Sinclair frowns in confusion, and Tori’s eyes fill with concern.
“Er...hi, Olive?”Sinclair says as Tori comes over to me.“You’re in my room.”
“What happened?”Tori asks.I don’t ask myself how she knows that something must have happened.Apparently, the sight of me is enough.“Fantino?”
I nod with compressed lips and feel the tears well up again.
“Can you give us a moment?”Tori asks Sinclair, not taking her eyes off me.
“Hey, this is my room.Can’t you two—”
“Out,” says Tori curtly, and Sinclair groans.
