“Are you going to tell him anyway?”she asks in the end.
I gulp.“I think so.But he’ll ask questions, and then he’ll find out how long I’ve known and...Tori, I can’t deal with that.It’ll really break him.”
“You don’t know that, Livy.”
“I do,” I whisper.After all, I’ve seen it with my own eyes in Grace.She was more in love with Henry than he was with her, and now she’s broken when he didn’t even cheat on her like my mum did on my dad.
“But don’t you think it’ll just make everything even more complicated if you wait any longer?”
Not saying anything won’t solve the problem, that’s true.But part of me—an incredibly weak, cringeworthy part—still hopes that everything could turn out OK.That my family will survive this.That one day we’ll be able to sit down to breakfast together at the weekend and not have to weigh up exactly what is and isn’t safe to say.
Tori looks at me.“Do you think she’s really dumped the guy?”
“She said she had.”Even as I say the words, I notice how pathetic they sound.
“Do you believe her?”
I straighten up.“Tori, she said she wants to rescue our family.”
“Do you think she meant it?”
I can’t nod or say yes with any conviction, and that should make me think.Which it does, but I can’t change the fact that I’m seventeen and, given everything else is in chaos, I’m wishing hard for my family not to break up too.
“I hope so,” I say quietly.
“I hope so, too, for you all.”
“How’s your mum?”I ask, after a while.
Tori gives a weak smile.“She’s got through withdrawal.I think she really wants to kick the booze this time.”
“It’s OK for you still to be scared.”
Tori kind of twitches.“I’m afraid we’ll always be scared.”
I nod slowly.“I’m afraid I will too.”
“OK, but you really don’t want to talk about Colin...?”Tori’s voice fades away as I glare at her.
“I couldn’t be less interested in Fantino,” I say.
But Tori just gives that knowing grin of hers.
9
Colin
They’re really serious about this study-hour shit.Every lousy afternoon.To my surprise, I got my English and math tests back by Wednesday.I was less surprised to have gotten everything right.So I don’t see any need to use study hour for studying.I’ve been here half a week now, but I’m still feeling jet-lagged.It’s worst in the morning, though I still fall into a hole of exhaustion in the afternoon.By the start of wing time in the evening, my body’s reliably wide awake and there’s no point even trying to sleep.So I’ve spent the past few nights exploring the school under cover of darkness.
But I’m paying for that decision now because I’m dead beat as I head up to my room after the last class of the day and drop onto my bed.From sheer force of habit, I open TikTok and groan as the app won’t load.Same thing happened yesterday afternoon, and the day before, at this time, because they turn off the Wi-Fi punctually at the start of study hour and wing time.
My roommate looks up from his books and glares at me.I haven’t exactly been a model of friendliness in the last couple of days, and I’m still amused by the way he can’t stand me.Wespeak as little to each other as possible, which is fine by me.Truly.Even though it feels like a stab in the chest to catch sight of him around the school with his buddies when I’ve got absolutely nobody.Not that I want anybody.It’s enough that I can sometimes sit with Kit and his crowd at meals.That’s enough social interaction for one day for me.I’d be better off working on not losing contact with Paxton, Ash, and Maresa, although, now that I think about it, they haven’t messaged our group since I’ve been here.I’d text them right now and ask how it’s going in New York if I weren’t cut off from the rest of the world.
I really need to figure out why my phone won’t switch to roaming.I need data, like my roommate—he’s constantly on his cell phone during study hour.
“Hey, can I use your hotspot?”I ask, sitting up slightly.Sinclair raises his eyebrows patronizingly, and for the first time, I wish I’d been a bit nicer to him.Shit, it should’ve occurred to me that I’d need his help with something eventually.
“Aye, right, you’ve got no internet on that thing,” he says.“That must be pretty shite.”
