I know roughly where we’re headed, but it’s been decades since I’ve been to the palace, so I let Kai lead. Or, more like IorderKai to lead. Not that he seems to mind, if anything, he seems happier today than I’ve seen him since arriving. He walks with a new lightness in his step, like a wolf who’s finally found his place in the pack again. I wish I could share his enthusiasm.
I notice Runa hanging back, walking near Aurelia and me. Aurelia notices at the same time I do, and true to her nature, seizes the moment.
“Thank you,” she says to Runa, her voice carrying in the cold air. “For what you did back there.”
I keep my eyes forward, pretending not to listen.
I hear Runa’s cool voice cut through the air. “I didn’t do it for you.”
My stomach sinks. Fuck. After all those insane things Aurelia was saying about me possibly still wanting to be with Runa—the idea hasn’t crossed my mind for the better part of two years—I’m terrified Runa’s natural defensiveness will give Aurelia the wrong impression.
Not that it should really matter.
I can’t be with Aurelia either, so I shouldn’t be worried about what she thinks. If anything, I should be glad to have another reason to push her away, but I’m not.
Not that I should be thinking about her at all.
Aurelia doesn’t even sound bothered by Runa’s rudeness. “Why did you do it then?” she asks blandly.
I watch Runa’s face harden in the moonlight as she looks at Aurelia. Runa’s eyes fix on the northern horizon. “Forty winters ago, I had a superior who used to corner me after drills. Alone.” Her fingers drift to her collar, adjusting it higher. “More dominant shifters can order other shifters to do anything. Only alphas can resist, and I’m not an alpha.”
Aurelia’s gaze flicks from Runa to me and back. “You don’t have to talk about this.”
“I know, but I want you to understand,” Runa says flatly. “I wanted him dead and I didn’t think I’d be able to do it myself. Not that I wouldn’t have—but again, I’m not an alpha. It was more practical to have someone else kill him, so I told Fox what happened, knowing he’d take care of it for me.”
“Because you were together?” Aurelia asks, glancing back and forth between us once more.
Runa snorts a derisive sound, and I can’t help rolling my eyes.
“No. If anything, that would have made me less likely to do something like that for her.” I say, no longer able to pretend I’m not listening.
The second the words leave my mouth, my brow furrows in sudden confusion. Something about that sounds wrong, yet it’s absolutely true.
“Exactly,” Runa says. “We all know better than to make big declarations for our partners. No one here is trying to trigger a mate bond, believe me.”
“I thought you believed bonds were fated,” Aurelia asks.
Runa shrugs. “Why risk it either way?”
I nod in agreement, even as the contradiction of the conversation hammers at the back of my head. I’ve spent years thinking that what happened to Runa and me had to be because I loved her, but now that she’s saying it like this, it’s clear that I didn’t. If I had, I would have been more conflicted about defending her in case it made things worse and she got even more hurt, or possibly even killed.
All I remember thinking back then was that a beta who used his power over the rest of the pack that way didn’t deserve to keep breathing.
Runa’s eyes shift from Aurelia to me. “I never thought they’d exile you. I expected you to take his place as beta. Instead, I watched them drag you to Dyaspora, and I’ve lived with that guilt for forty years.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I say.
She meets my eyes, unflinching. “True. I saved your mate, which makes us even.”
I nod once, and respond in my head.“Thank you.”
Runa almost smiles, which is about as much excitement as she’s ever shown about anything. She and I are similar in that way—probably too similar, now that I think about it.
I know I should let the subject drop now. Walk away. Keep moving. But something burns in my chest, demanding acknowledgment. “I killed Viktor,” I say flatly, the words hanging in the frigid air between us.
Runa scoffs. “Is that your way of reminding me to call you alpha?”
“Fuck no,” I say, appalled. “I thought you were with him, so how are we even?”
