“Priorities change,” he says, looking back at the television. “I love hockey. I excel at it and I know if I’m healthy, I can play another eight, maybe even ten years, but when I picture life ten years from now, it’s not what I see.” He glances at me again.
My stomach dips. The last man I dated love-bombed me and repeatedly told me he wanted to marry me, and that didn’t turn out very well. I don’t need Finn to verbally confirm his emotions to know what he’s feeling. The way he holds me, treats me, and acts around me is enough. But nothing compares to the way he looks at me. Not when he’s checking me out or telling me I’m beautiful the way guys before him have. He looks at me like I’m preciousto him.
48
JOSSLYN
Itold him I want to stop. Stop or come clean. I can’t do this to Joss anymore.
I saw him again tonight. He took me to a secluded farm and we lay on the bed of his truck. I love the way he makes me feel. FML.
There’s a spot in their yard that the cameras can’t get to. It’s become our secret cove when I go over and ‘go to the bathroom.’ I hate myself so much. I know I need to stop.
I push the pages away and stare at the computer, willing it to load faster. From the amount of updates I’ve had to run, it’s clear Finn hasn’t used it in a while.If ever.Maybe if I weren’t in a rush to turn in the assignment, it wouldn’t bother me, but I am. I’m supposed to go to Lyla’s house to see the baby and give Theo the “big brother” present I got for him. As I thrum my fingers on the desk, my phone buzzes with a text from Leo. Even though he’s now second place on my list of anticipated texts, I jump at the sight of his name.
The other person I’m anxiously waiting to hear from is my mom’s neighbor. They have a camera that points at my mom’s backyard, which may have a clear view of the nook Mallory istalking about in her journal entries. Since his dad is paranoid and a hoarder, I’m hoping he can find saved footage from last year. Just the thought of what I might see makes my stomach turn. Doubt has been consuming me lately. I think about Tiago and what he could be hiding. Not that the “T” person Mallory mentioned has to be the same person from my mother’s house, but what if it is?
Tate was no longer around at the time, so I’ve ruled him out. Titus…well, I don’t want to think about that being a possibility, but the more I think about it, the less sure I am. Damian would have no reason to hide hooking up with Mallory, so I know it’s not him. It could be one of his friends, though. Maybe someone on the Blaze.
Leo: I have something you might want to see
Me: the list?
Leo: yes
I take a breath and lower my phone.
Leo: we’d have to meet in person
Me: when can you meet?
Leo: I’ll be available friday
I stare at the words. I have class and practice on Friday, but I’ll do anything to make this work.
Me: not at Onyx
Leo: my place?
I scoff. Fat chance of that happening.
Me: somewhere public. A coffee shop. I’ll send you the location. It has to be between 1-4
He sends me a wink emoji that I immediately want to delete, but decide not to. If I was dating Tate, I would have, since he would have gone through my phone and found a way to make me feel like I was doing something wrong. I set the phone down and open the school portal. After turning in my assignment, I click around to make sure I’m up to date on everything else, and an email pops up at the top of the screen. I see my last name and click it before I even process that this isn’t my computer and the email isn’tforme.
TOM FRAGA
Subject: RE: Santos/Fletcher
My last invoice is attached.
I glance at the subject line again, and at the signature in the email that says this Tom guy is a private investigator. As I try to wrap my head around what this could mean, I scroll down what seems to be an endless email chain. My stomach twists when I open candid pictures of me, and then candid pictures of Titus. One set of pictures in particular catches my attention. Not unlike some others, it’s me sitting at my favorite coffee shop down the street. Unlike the others, I’m looking at my phone with an angered, shocked expression on my face. I know from what I’m wearing that it was the moment I saw the videos circulating of Tate and Gracie making out.
I set a hand on my stomach, hoping it will lessen the sick feeling in it. I keep scrolling until I find the first email, which dates back to just after Mallory’s closed-casket funeral. What. The. Fuck. I note that Finn hasn’t responded to any of these emails, but he’s definitely seen them. I can imagine him getting them on his phone and scrolling through to see the pictures and updates this guy sends him. The invoice is from over a month ago and it says “last invoice,” so I have to assume he’s no longer having this guy following me around. It doesn’t make me feel any better though.
I look through the pictures again. Seeing pictures of myself doing everyday things like running at the park, playing pick-up basketball games with Tiago and Olivia, hanging out with Damian, pulling up at my mother and Titus’ house, makes me feel … exposed. He was having us followed for an entire year. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought. After sitting there for a while, I take a picture of the screen and send it to Finn. I don’t even bother texting words. I just want him to know that I know. I assume he’ll understand why this would upset me.
I sit at the edge of the bed as Lyla nurses the baby. Rosa James Duke. Apparently, Lachlan insisted on the middle name. I think it’s cute. Lyla thinks it’s corny, but smiles when she talks about it, so I think she secretly likes that they all have the same middle name.
