“Sounds great.” He drove to the beach and parked. He grabbed a couple blankets from the trunk, and they started walking.
“Feel better with a potential new, totally-cancer-unrelated hobby?” Nimita said. “To do what your sister asked?”
He sighed. “You know, I really do.”
They walked in companionable silence for a bit. The air was cooler here with the ocean breeze. The surf pounded gently, a soothing soundtrack for this walk. Once they were far enough away from the lights, he and Nimita spread out one blanket to sit and cuddled together for warmth under the other one.
Their legs tangled together, and he said softly, “I know this doesn’t solve everything. One new pastime doesn’t make it all better, but I need to do as she asks.”
“I know. But it’s a step in helping you figure out who you want to be.”
He knew it. He’d known it all along. They sat in silence for a while. “I don’t know if I can do it, Nimi.” His voice was low, the words barely out of his mouth.
She squeezed his hand under the blanket and watched him.
The crescent moonlight reflected off the ocean, the only light by which he could see her eyes. There was so much love in those eyes. Whether she said it or not, it was there.
“She wants me to find something that has nothing to do with her. I don’t even know what that means.” He paused. “And I worry…” Unbidden, fear rose inside him. “I worry she wants me to have something that doesn’t remind me of her, in case she…” Tears of anger burned behind his eyes. “I mean what the hell is that? She’s preparing me for a time when she’s not around. It’s like she knows something.”
Tears had filled Nimita’s eyes as well. She didn’t look away. “She’s not hiding anything from you. She just wants you to have a life.”
“It’s too much, Nimi. I do not know who I am if I am not her brother. If I’m not caring for her, who am I? If she dies, what will I do?” A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, followed by another. “I know I need an answer, but I can’t undo nearly twenty years in one woodworking class.”
“You don’t need to do it all at once,” Nimi said quietly. “That’s what she wants you to think about. Whoyoureally are. It’s not about what will you do if she’s gone. It’s about who are you now.”
He dropped his head and gave a small shake. “I don’t know. Yet.”
“Look at me.”
He tilted his head up to her.
“Who are you, if you’re not Mali’s caretaker? I know who you are. You’re a deeply loyal friend. You’re a good son. A brilliant and caring physician. A good brother.” She paused, as tears slid down her face. “You’re the man I fell head over heels in love with. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t want to. I see you, Roshan Dave. I see the man you are. Not in relation to your sister, but justyou.”
He reached out of the blanket and cupped her face with both hands, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears.
“You know why I read the wedding section of the paper?” he asked her. “It’s because I am in awe of those people, who are able to share themselves so completely with another person. It’s almost like reading a fantasy book. Like I could never have it.” He paused. “But then I met you. You showed me the possibility of having that kind of love.”
She met his gaze. “I have been running from my life for so long…falling in love wasn’t even a possibility—I didn’t know how to face everyone when my mom died. Their disappointment seemed unbearable. Then fighting with you… I couldn’t handle your disappointment, too. The reality is that loving you doesn’t bring me down, loving you lifts me up. Loving you is the easiest hard thing I’ve ever done. You are my person. Every part of my day, I want to share with you. I love that you are someone to me. And I want to be that someone to you. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to be.”
Roshan just watched her.
“Say something,” she demanded.
“I’msomeoneto you?” he asked, a bit surprised.
“Yes.”
“I’m scared.” He spoke just above a whisper.
“Me, too.”
“I hurt a friend who had done nothing but help me.” He looked into her eyes.
“You apologized to her, after harboring great remorse for years. You know how to grow.”
“And then I hurt her again when I was trying to deal with my own baggage.”
“You and she both have baggage to deal with. But we can deal with it together.”
