RIYA
She slept fitfully, going over and over Dhillon’s words. She woke early and knew he was right. She arrived at the station early for her shift and found the guys already there, music blaring, laughter reaching her all the way in the parking lot. She parked her bike and inhaled deeply.
Evans, Schultz and Alvarez were laughing and singing as they cleaned and restocked. Her heart ached as she watched them. She wanted to be part of that. If this was what she wanted, she had to take it for herself.
She was mortified that she had frozen on the job, embarrassed that she had to report for psychological support.
The guys switched up the song they were singing and started singing about putting out fires they had never even started.
She inhaled and set her lips to join her company. They were all in the middle of cleaning and singing a Billy Joel song. They stopped singing as she approached. She joined Schultz in restocking the supplies.
“Hey.” Evans approached her. “You came in.” The anger was gone from his deep baritone, but there was no question that he required an explanation for yesterday’s behavior.
She hesitated. She looked from Schultz to Evans to Alvarez. She owed them all an explanation. They waited for her to speak, their faces filled with concern.
She stocked a few things, while she gathered her words. Looked at them again. “I was in a fire. When I was fifteen.” She shot a glance at them. “It was a townhome. Like the one yesterday.” Tears burned behind her eyes. Ridiculous. She thought she’d dealt with all this. “When I saw those flames, I was back at that first fire.” A tear escaped. She slapped it away, clearing her throat. “I should not have let it affect my performance on the job. And for that I apologize. Someone could have gotten hurt because of me. And I can’t...” She swallowed back all the remaining tears and went back to work. That was all she had to say.
“Desai.” Evans spoke first, his deep voice genuine with concern. “You lost someone, didn’t you?”
She kept her lips pressed together, shrugged.
“Most of us have.” Evans nodded, compassion in his eyes. “It shows.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. She turned her back to them.
“If you tell us, it loses its power over you.” Evans’s eyes softened. “I lost a cousin. It’s why my brother and I are firefighters.”
Her heart ached for Samir and Dhillon’s father. Their families had been so close, and Kishore Uncle had been more than just a neighbor to her. Seeing that fire last night had made it feel like she was losing them all over again. She turned her head halfway, speaking over her shoulder. “I lost my big brother. He said he’d always have my back. Now he’s gone.” Tears fell down her cheeks.
“Yeah. Okay.” Evans nodded. “You can turn around and face us if you want to. You’re not the first firefighter to cry.”
Riya froze in her restocking. What was he saying?
“Firefighters have feelings. Yes, we are strong and tough, but that’s because we have to be for the job.”
She wiped at her eyes as she turned to face them.
Schultz smiled. “There she is.”
The next thing she knew, he had her in a bear hug. Then Evans joined in. Lastly, Alvarez. When the guys finally let her go, her tears were gone, and she was smiling.
“I lost my dog in a house fire.” Alvarez spoke up.
Schultz smacked him. “That’s not the same. What’s the matter with you?” Schultz shook his head at Riya, apologizing for Alvarez’s insensitivity.
“No. I get it.” She looked at Alvarez. “A loss is a loss. We almost lost Lucky in the fire. A firefighter carried him out.” Something nagged at her then. Something she had not thought about since that fire. The firefighter.
“The vet’s dog?” Schultz’s question pulled her away from her thoughts.
“Yes. Same fire. We’re neighbors. He lost his dad. I lost Samir.”
She picked up a rag and wiped at the engine, cleaning imaginary grime away to distract herself. “I’m sorry.” She swallowed. “I let you down.”
“We’re fine.” Schultz squeezed her shoulder, forcing her to look at them.
“We have each other’s backs here, Desai. That means you, too.” Evans grinned. “Besides, you’re the best cook in the house.”
She nodded, her heart filling with gratitude. “It won’t happen again.”
