After the meeting, a few men introduced themselves to Daniel before leaving, all of them offering words of support and encouragement. Daniel loitered until the last man had left and it was just him and Mr. Mehta.
Mr. Mehta spoke before Daniel even asked the question. “Vipul died when he was one year old. Annika was just two. She doesn’t remember him, but we keep his memory alive. No secrets.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
“Would it have mattered? She doesn’t remember him. Her strongest sense of loss is her miscarriage—which you know about.” They walked out to the parking lot together.
“Why didn’t she suggest this group?”
“You didn’t want help. She tried, I heard her. Besides, I doubt she knows that I still come here. Children don’t always know what their parents are up to, thank God.” He chuckled. “I came to this group when Auntie was pregnant with Nilay. I didn’t want to have another baby. I was already consumed with protecting Annika from every speck of dust. But we had a baby coming, and a friend suggested I try out this group. I was highly skeptical—what kind of man can’t handle his own head? The way I grew up, men showed their strength by simply moving on. Go to work, make a living. They didn’t talk about their feelings, let alone deal with them. I was doing what I had to—providing for my family, protecting, all the things a ‘man’ should do.” Anil dropped his gaze and his tone went flat. “I was trying to make up for not protecting my Vipul. For not being able to save him.” He shrugged, looked back at Daniel. “Every day, my wife would tell me something wonderful about the new baby to come, and every day I ignored her. As if by not acknowledging her pregnancy, somehow the baby would not come.” Anil looked past Daniel, his voice gruff with emotion. “One day, I saw the love in her eyes turn to fear, and I realized that the distance I was putting between us had put that fear in her eyes. I had to make a change. I had to be the man she deserved.” He gave Daniel a small smile. “So, I made myself come here.” Anil stopped at his car.
Daniel nodded.
“What I found here was that while I was taking care of business, I was losing out on everything else—including my wife and daughter.” He shrugged. “I wanted to be a better father for my daughter and new baby, and a better husband for my wife. So I kept coming back. I took over the group eight years ago when our leader moved out of the state. Many of these men had turned to alcohol and drugs and other destructive behaviors before they came here. Many of them were also workaholics. We are an adjunct to whatever regular therapy they seek.”
“Why did you come to me?”
“Because you’re a father. And you need help. Because I’m a father who can offer that help. Not to mention my daughter is in love with you.” He handed Daniel another card. “This group is great. But sometimes we need more than what the group can offer. This guy—” he nodded at the card “—is one of us.”
Daniel took the card, wondering about this brotherhood he seemed to have become an unwilling member of. As if he’d read Daniel’s mind, Anil spoke. “None of us ever planned to be here. But here we are, and we do the best we can.”
Daniel nodded and asked the question that had been burning in his mind. “How is she?”
Anil studied him for a moment. “Well, she was in love with you, and you left her. In the hospital. What do you think?”
Daniel looked away and grunted. “She should move on.”
Anil shrugged. “Probably.”
“She hasn’t? But I thought you and Auntie were keen on Sajan.”
Anil chuckled. “We were. But Annika is not. And when was the last time Annika did anything she did not want to do?”
A spark of hope lit Daniel’s heart. The way he’d left her, he’d thought for sure...and that day, in Nilay’s room. The way she had looked at him, as if he’d better not dare ask for her back. He thought for sure she’d started seeing Sajan.
Daniel looked Anil in the eye. “She’s not why I’m here.”
Anil raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, I’m not getting help just to get her back.” Daniel sighed. “Quite frankly, I believe she can do better.” The daydream be damned. He should put it to rest. There would never be a baby for them.
“That’s quite possible.” Anil grinned. “Why are you here, then? What do you hope to gain?”
“Peace. I want to put my agony and fear to rest.”
“And?”
Damn it. “And I want her back.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
ANNIKA
ANNIKASQUIRMEDINher childhood bed, avoided opening her eyes. The smell of masala chai floated up to her from the kitchen, mixed with the clean scent of her sheets, and took her back to her childhood, where everything was warm and soft and sunny. No one was disappointed, no hearts were broken, big evil men hadn’t punched her brother, and no children had been shot.
Annika wanted to live in that moment for as long as she could, because when she opened her eyes, she would have to acknowledge all those things. And the pain from that was too much today. But today was the day she had to face. It had been a year ago today that she and Steven had gone to the emergency room. A year ago today that Daniel had held her for the first time. A year ago today that she lost her baby. Her heart ached, but she had no more tears. Just as well; she had shed too many this past year. Time to move on.
Was that coffee she smelled? She opened her eyes. Her parents always had chai in the morning. They hadn’t wanted her to be alone today, so they had insisted she come home for a few days. As it was currently spring break in Baltimore County, she had agreed. The truth of it was that she was grateful to be near her family today. She sat up in bed. The day was going to come whether she faced it or not. Better to face it. She washed up, donned an old Towson University sweatshirt, and followed the scent of chai and coffee to the kitchen.
