“I told myself that I was different now, time had passed, surely I was stronger...and that I could be a father if I had you by my side. But I don’t have it in me.” He glanced at her parents. “Look at them. It’s agony.”
He felt her swallow hard; her nostrils flared. She gasped as if she’d been punched in the gut. “You’re breaking up with me.”
“I love you. You make my heart race, you make me laugh, you have given me a taste of happiness, which is something I never thought I would know again. I’ve never loved anyone like this. And I am certain I never will again.”
She reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a broken hospital band and held it out to him. He took it. “That’s my band, from the night I lost my baby. From the night Steven left me.” She lifted her chin and captured him in her gaze.
Daniel looked at the band; the lettering was faded, but it was definitely an ER band from his ER. He remembered seeing the tiny one on Sara’s wrist. Where was it? Had they saved it? Did people do that? Should he have saved it?
“But it’s a reminder of the worst time in your life.”
She nodded. “It’s also a reminder of what I survived.”
The lettering blurred before his eyes. “You’ll make a fabulous mother one day. But I...won’t survive another... I’ve barely survived losing... I can’t be anyone’s father ever again, because I can’t do this—” he looked at her parents “—ever again.” His eyes were wet, and it was difficult getting air into his lungs, but this was the right thing. It had to be.
Annika’s skin had gone ashen and tears filled her eyes. Tears that he put there. Better a few tears now than an ocean later.
He let go of her sharply, as if she had scorched him, and stepped back. He needed to stop touching her. “I’m not the man for you. You deserve much more than...me.”
The door to the waiting area opened, and Sajan entered. Daniel’s heart fell into his stomach as the surgeon approached.
“He’s fine.” Sajan addressed Annika’s parents. “His lungs will take a few weeks to heal, but we’ll be monitoring him closely.”
Annika’s parents slumped against each other in relief, both of them tearing up. “Thank you, Sajan!” her father croaked out. “I knew he would be okay under your care. We owe you a debt of gratitude.”
“Actually, Uncle, if it hadn’t been for the quick thinking of his medics—” Sajan nodded in Daniel’s direction “—I wouldn’t have had much to work with.” He smiled at Annika’s father. “I need to get back.”
Daniel turned to find Annika watching him. “See,” she said, relief playing on her face, “he’s fine—and thanks to you.” Her hands shook as she reached for him.
Daniel craved nothing more than to allow her to wrap him in her arms, to believe in the fantasy that he could have a family, that he could haveher. But that was exactly what it was. A fantasy. He had to stop lying to her. And to himself. He stepped out of her reach, because if she touched him now, he would cave. He would give in to his stupid heart and try to live the fantasy.
“No, Annika, don’t. I’m not the one for you.”
Panic rippled through him at the finality of losing his best source of comfort, of not having Annika by his side. He steeled himself, fought the lump that poked at the back of his throat. “Naya’s right. Sajan can make you happy. Give you the life you deserve. I can’t.” He stepped farther back from her, lest he be tempted to touch her again.
“Daniel, you can get help. You only need to ask.” She was pleading with him now.
He couldn’t allow her to do that. He wasn’t worth it.
He shook his head at her. “There’s no help for me.”
“Are you serious?” She narrowed her eyes and threw her next words at him in a low growl. “You’re going to break up with me. In the—” her breath hitched “—hospital?”
The implication was clear. He was no better than Steven. Let her be angry. Anger was easier to deal with.
He spun around and walked toward the elevators, resisting the temptation to look back at her. If he looked, he’d take it all back and ask her to marry him.
That was lost to him now. Forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ANNIKA
ANNIKASHUFFLEDPAPERS, finished her lesson plans and put them into her bag. She threw in her sneakers for her shift at the bar. She’d just eat something at the bar today. Mrs. P. was on a mission to get Annika to eat more, but she simply hadn’t had much of an appetite since that day in the hospital. Since Daniel left her.
She glanced at her reflection in the mirror by the door and pulled out some lipstick. Dark circles under her eyes advertised her lack of sleep. She applied the lipstick, vowing to stop being such a cliché and eat to Mrs. P.’s satisfaction whether she felt like it or not. Not eating and not sleeping were not going to convince Daniel that he’d made a mistake. No one could do that except Daniel himself.
Why she couldn’t fall for normal, stable people was beyond her. The emptiness in her heart and gut were proof of her misguided feelings and had, many times during the past week, threatened to overcome her. But she had a class to teach, lesson plans to write, not to mention her parents were staying with her so they could be closer to the hospital. Whenever she had a minute, she went to see her brother.
