The school wouldn’t be open to students for another thirty minutes. They waited outside, the sun growing warmer as they stood, the thick lavender scent turning Daniel’s stomach. Daniel was ready to take Sara and wait in the car until the building opened, when Ms. Groller herself opened the door.
Sara’s eyes lit up upon seeing her teacher, her smile wide, those all too familiar dimples melting his heart.
“I took her hand—you know she could only hold three of my fingers in her whole hand.” He held up his hand and gazed at it as if Sara’s tiny hand might miraculously show up. “We followed her teacher to her classroom.”
The thick scent of lavender filled his nostrils, making him almost gag. He closed his eyes to shake it. It wasn’t real. There was no lavender in this room. He opened his eyes, his gaze resting on those beautiful brown eyes. Annika watched him, no sign of the discomfort most people wore when he inadvertently mentioned Sara. Their faces closed, as if, by being too close to him, they might inadvertently lose their own child and become a member of that club no one wanted to belong to.
Annika rested her hand on his, squeezing tight. He allowed it.
His heart began to pound as if it were all happening again. He couldn’t ignore it.
It had been cooler in the building, and the hairs on his arms had stood on end. Sara had chattered away with her teacher as Daniel followed behind them.
He shivered from the memory of the chill.
“Come on, Daddy!”
His sneakers made soft squishing noises on the tile floor as he followed behind his daughter, allowing her to lead the way. “I’m right behind you, babe.”
End-of-the-year displays lined the walls. Bright yellow construction-paper suns with children’s names on them floated along walls outside Sara’s classroom.
He entered the classroom behind Sara and Ms. Groller. Sunlight streamed in from the window, making yellow bands across the room. Sara walked right up to her desk, opened her backpack and took out her homemade card.
“This is for you, Ms. Groller. I made it.” No inhibitions. No concern that her love would not be well received. The innocence of youth. Pride swelled in his little girl as she watched her teacher ooh and aah over the craftsmanship.
After Ms. Groller admired the card, Sara went to hang her backpack where it belonged.
“I could never get Sara to hang up her backpack at home, but at school, she was Miss This-Is-Where-It-Goes.” His mouth went dry. “There she was, hanging it up like she owned the place.” He’d had another moment of parental pride.
“Sorry she’s so early, but—” Daniel threw up his hands in surrender “—she had to get that to you.” He looked around. “Is there anything I can help you with before I head out?”
“No, not at all. Sara is a wonderful helper.” The teacher smiled broadly at her little charge. “We’ll manage, won’t we?”
Sara nodded proudly.
“Okay, then. Off to work I go.” He knelt down to kiss Sara goodbye. She smelled like baby powder and lotion and that mysterious essence that made children smell so precious.
Try as he would, Daniel could never quite exactly remember Sara’s scent. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, as if he could extract that scent from the air around him. It didn’t seem fair that he could easily remember the offensive odor of the lavender, even feel the chill of the school building, but the little baby smell of his daughter was lost to him.
“Bye, Daddy.” She waved him off. She felt safe.
“Bye, sweetheart.” Daniel stood and nodded at the teacher as he left.
“I left. I left my sweet little girl at school and I went to work.”
“Daniel.” Annika’s eyes were wide; her breath was coming fast. “Daniel, where did Sara go to school?”
He met her gaze with nausea in his belly, unable to say the name of the school.
It was enough for Annika. She gasped. “Chase Creek. Sara went to my school, didn’t she?” Tears filled her eyes. “There was a shooting...”
“Ileft.” He spat out the word and pounded the granite, relishing the zing of pain that flew up his arm. “I was at work and he came...and he...” He hung his head as he leaned against the granite counter with one hand. Sweat beaded on him, his skin went cold. He couldn’t say the words.
A gunman had entered the building twenty minutes after he left and shot the teacher and Sara. He had shot five other people, too, because they were in his way. Four teachers and another student. Seven people. Seven people dead because an unstable man that Ms. Groller had dated one time found access to a gun. Because even though the gunman had a history of violent behavior, even though Ms. Groller had obtained a restraining order, he still had a gun. Because it was easier to get a gun than to get help. He had a gun and he took seven innocent lives before taking his own. Daniel didn’t even get the satisfaction of facing the man while he rotted in jail. Rage built again, and he fisted his hands. Annika took one of his fists in her hands, forcing him to look at her.
The rage melted away, and he dropped his head and shook away the tears that threatened his eyes again. “What if I had stayed? Just an extra twenty minutes?” His breath caught. “I could have saved them.”
“Or you could have been killed with them.”
