“But...?” His eyes were still hard, but for the first time since all this started, Maya knew he was really listening.
“But then I would remember how it felt to sit by the window all day on a Saturday, willing my father to come back to us. Or the hole in my belly as I searched the crowd for him at my dance recitals, only to be disappointed and having to paste a smile on my face and dance. I remembered what it felt like when I finally realized that he wasn’t coming home.” Her nose prickled, tears were inevitable now. “That he didn’t care enough.”
As she spoke, Sam inched closer to her. The hardness in his eyes had melted into something tender, and when that lone tear escaped from Maya’s eyes, he wiped it away. His touch was achingly gentle, causing more tears to fall. “You know it wasn’t your fault he left.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sam. I’m a grown woman. Of course I know that.”
“It wasn’t your fault he left.” He repeated himself as he studied her face, with some surprise. “Have you felt, all this time, that your father left because of you?” Something hard flashed in his eyes and he clenched his jaw, his nostrils flared.
“No. Of course I understand—” Maya attempted a smile, but she couldn’t hold it as her lips quivered.
“You may ‘understand’, but that’s different from what you feel.” The edge in his voice held her. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you that it wasn’t your fault? That he left because of himself and nothing you did?”
Maya shook her head. If she said anything, she’d break down.
“Damn it, Maya.” A new look in Sam’s eyes that she’d never seen before. It looked like pity. He moved closer, as if to put his arms around her. Every cell in her body wanted to be held by him. To inhale him. To feel protected in his arms like she once had. To love and be loved by him. But not if he pitied her. Hell, no.
She stepped away. “Don’t.” She put her hands up between them. “I do not need pity from you. I told you that once and it still applies.”
“I’m not pitying you, and I never have.”
“Yes, you are. It’s all over you.” She hardened her gaze. “And I don’t want it.”
Sam worked his jaw as he shook his head at her. “It’snotpity. It’s—” He fisted his hands and moved away from her. “Never mind.”
Maya couldn’t read his face, but every muscle in his body was tense.
“But I will say one thing. We’re not all the same.” His hands were still clenched.
“Who?”
“Men. We’re not all the same. You should’ve given me a chance.”
A new emotion had found its way into Sam’s face, and Maya didn’t like it much more than whatever had just been there. It was disappointment.
She turned back to the coffee maker. Nothing would ever change his mind. He would never love her again. She was surprised to realize that there was a significant part of her that had actually thought that might be possible. “Here’s your coffee.” Her hand trembled as she gave him his mug and she almost spilled the coffee.
“Careful, now.” He reached out to take the mug from her and his fingers grazed hers, sending a thrill through her. Damn it.
A loose strand of her hair tumbled forward into her face. As she automatically reached to tuck the rebel lock behind her ear, Sam’s hand had started to come up, as well. She tucked the rogue piece of hair back and found Sam’s hand frozen in midair.
Maya shifted her gaze up and caught Sam watching her. She weakened as his eyes softened and held hers for a moment. He opened his mouth as if to speak. Then, just as fast as it had come, the softness left his eyes and he closed his mouth without saying a thing. He closed his hand, quickly returning it to his side.
Maya inhaled, as if doing so would calm her heart. The fact that he smelled likeSamwasn’t helping.
Sam sipped the coffee and frowned. “What happened to the coffee?”
She tried to look him in the eye. “I, uh—I ran out of the other stuff and didn’t make more.” She stepped away from him. “This is a new blend I roasted last week.”
His frown deepened as he met her eyes. “It’s great.” He took another sip. “It’s just not, you know, the other stuff.”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “Well, we’ve had the other stuff for years. We’re overdue for a change.” Her voice hardened and her body stiffened as she looked at him. “Time to move on.”
Sam again opened his mouth to speak, but Niki and Samantha returned. They were laughing and they produced a plate of sandwiches. “Come on, you two. We’re hungry,” Niki called out to them.
“You all go sit down. I’ll just shut down a few things here.” Maya quickly stepped away from Sam, as if she’d been caught doing something wrong, and headed toward the ovens.
During lunch, Niki and Sam told stories about her and Ben growing up. Samantha radiated joy and clearly adored this big-sister-auntie she’d found. Maya relaxed for a moment into that feeling of family, laughing and smiling easily. She caught Sam’s eye, his glance rested on her, easy and familiar. Maya reminded herself of his earlier anger and disappointment. She hardened her gaze and looked away.
