She sits and watches him, her tail twitching back and forth before moving closer… and then a bit closer. She cries out her woes to him when she finally climbs onto his lap after about fifteen minutes. She just sits there looking miserable, and Liam looks just as miserable.
At some point, they move to the couch, but the two remain there in misery until about an hour before Matthew and Jesse showed up this morning. Then Liam gets up and leaves without taking anything.
Did… did he see Lucille crying and come over to comfort her?
Liam?
Of all people?
“Open the damn letter. We’re all over here dying to know what it says,” Jesse prompts, snapping me out of it.
“You didn’t already read it?” I ask in surprise.
“It felt rather rude to,” Matthew says. “We sure did stare at it, though.”
I laugh and open it.
To the man who means the world to me,
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and the only thing that I will ever find myself caring about. But I fucked up and I can never forgive myself for that. I’ve unnecessarily put you in danger.
My credit card will always be yours. The house will be in your name only, and I will transfer a lump sum into your bank account. You deserve the world and I’m sorry I’m not the one who can give it to you.
Dramatic much?
I wish he was here so I could shake some fucking sense into him.
But he’s not.
“What’s it say?” Mom asks.
“Oh, that he’s willing to give it all to me. The house, his money, and his credit card, but that he’s not good enough for me because he put me in danger, which he didn’t.” I sigh and fold up the letter before tossing it on the end table and leaning back. “Why is he so ridiculous?”
“That’s a very good question,” Jesse says. “I’m really sorry. This is all my fault.”
I lift an eyebrow as I look at him. “It’s not. He’s just… Liam.”
“That’s a pretty good summary of him,” Matthew agrees. “There’s no one else like Liam.”
I lie down in bed and slowly reach over to the cold spot next to me. I’ve handled these last few nights alone at the hospitalbecause I knew Liam wasn’t too far away. But tonight… tonight the loneliness settles in now that I’m home.
And it hurts.
I want to curse at him, yell at him, be mad at him, but I can’t find it in myself to do so. From the beginning, our relationship has been this strange balancing act while I do my best to understand him and he does his best to be what I want him to be. He’s afraid he’ll end up causing me hurt and I’m afraid I’ll lose him.
Does he think that it’s best for me to lose him now instead of after years of loving each other? It really isn’t fair, but I can also understand why he did it. Whether or not Liam would have turned to killing if his parents had lived is impossible to know, but losing them broke something inside of him. The idea of losing me terrifies him… and I’m not sure if Liam has ever felt fear like this since his parents died. His emotions aren’t like mine, and I’ve grown to understand that. But he still seems to think that he’s dragging me down with him.
My hand digs into the spot where he sleeps.
I force myself to push those feelings of anxiety away, the ones that make me question if he truly is never going to come home. I have to push through those thoughts. I have to keep myself from wondering if this is really it.
Does he really think I’m going to let him go that easily?
THIRTY-ONE
Gabriel
I’m pretty sure my mother would send me to time-out if she saw me out and about, but I literally can’t sit in that house alone any longer. It’s already been a week and a half since Liam left, and every day the loneliness gets worse. I’ve done well pushing it back, pretending like everything is fine, especially in front of others. It’s when they leave for the night and I’m home alone that the loneliness and fear get to me.
