Enya felt the flood of relief.
‘How far are you, darling?’ It felt surreal,a grandchild... To think this was the very thing she had often dreamed of. She and Jonathan had discussed it, of course, but never could she have imagined the mess in which they now found themselves, nor envisaged a scenario where the news of her first grandchild would be met with such a complex mixture of emotions topped with sorrow.
‘Ten weeks.’ Holly looked at her mum, who smiled back. It was undeniably wonderful, no matter how terrible. ‘I found out whenAiden was away, didn’t want to tell him on the phone, I wanted to see his, his face.’ She hiccupped.
‘You have to tell him.’ She kept her eyes on Jenny, who gave a subtle nod, lips thin, eyes blazing, another indicator of how far their friendship had fallen. It broke Enya’s heart a little more.
‘Can you do it for me?’ Holly whispered.
‘Me?’ She gasped.
‘Yes, please, Enya, I can’t do it.’
‘I can, but, but you two need to talk. This changes things, maybe not the outcome or decisions made,’ she trod carefully, ‘but it means that you two have much more to talk about than the divvying up of the flat.’
‘That’s what I said.’
It was good to hear Jenny showing at the very least that they were on the same page for this, if nothing else.
‘Can you tell him, and then ask him to come and see me so we can talk. I know we need to, but I want him to know the situation when he arrives, I don’t want to have to break it to him. I think it’s better he has a chance to get his head straight first, easier for us both. He doesn’t want me, I accept that now. I’d hate to think he might feel obligated to be with me.’ Holly shook her head. ‘I couldn’t stand that.’
It felt like compromise and Enya could only imagine what this young girl was going through.
‘I can do that. Of course I can.’ She squeezed Holly’s hand and stood. ‘I’ll tell him.’
‘Phil’s going apeshit.’ Her friend looked skyward.
‘Well, Phil going apeshit isn’t going to help anyone.’ She spoke with a confidence she didn’t feel, but knew she had to protect Aiden if Phil’s rant in her hallway the other evening was anything to go by.
‘Easy for you to say.’ Jenny sighed and it was Enya’s turn to look away, understanding that this was, after all, a mess of her son’s making.
‘I’ll tell Aiden tonight. And will you be at the flat, love? Should I tell him to come and see you straight after?’
Holly nodded and there was the smallest smile on her mouth, as there always was at the prospect of seeing the boy she so loved. It was a terrible reminder of how Holly was still grieving the loss of her great love and, Enya suspected, the hope that it might all in fact blow over.
She raced home, pacing the kitchen, waiting for Aiden to come back while trying to make sense of Holly’s news. The person she wanted to talk to was Jenny, the only other person on the planet who might just understand what she was going through. Without the desire to see another text message read and ignored, Enya decided to take stronger action. They were in this situation together and there had to be a way forward, there absolutely had to be. She loved her best friend, loved her so much.
With the notepad open in front of her, she sat at the kitchen table and took her time, letting the pen dance across the page with such sincerity, it was all she could do to keep her hand from trembling.
Jenny,
I’m still trying to process everything, as I imagine are you. My heart breaks for Holly, but I know she’ll be fine, because she has you, has us and she is loved. My heart also breaks for me and you.
Truth is I miss you. I miss you so much. I guess I would have allowed doubt to creep in over whether Holly and Aiden would be together for life, only because of their age and lack of experience, which you and I have chatted about. But you and I...
She paused and took a moment to gather herself.
I would have bet my house that you and I could have survived anything. Our friendship is something I have always prized, never more so than when we lost Jonathan and there wasn’t a day or night you weren’t there for me. Something for which I will be forever grateful.
Our plans for the florist’s, our cups of tea, the laughs, your three a.m. need for chocolate, all of it is what has sustained me.
To lose you feels... almost unbearable, it makes my stomach hurt, sends me dizzy. I can’t sleep. The fact is the kids are having a baby and I think, no matter how we got here, it’s a chance for you and I to find a way back to each other, because honestly? The thought of doing any of this without you – Jen, I just can’t stand it.
I love you, that’s it.
Enya X
With the letter inside an envelope and doing her best to ignore the quake in her limbs, Enya trod the path to the Hudsons’ front door and popped the note through the letterbox. Her fingers grazed the handle, which she had touched a thousand times, walking into the place where she knew she would always receive the warmest of welcomes.
