I was no better.
Move, move, MOVE!my mind shouted at me, and somehow I was able to break past this ice that had suddenly wrapped around my limbs and walk out. Pull the door closed behind me. Make to walk up the hallway as fast as my legs allowed.
Not fast enough, though.
March seemed to appear right in front of me out of thin air. My cheeks were flushed, my heart racing, but I composed myself quickly. At least I thought I did.
“What?” I said with as much venom as I could lace my voice with.
“Where are you going?” His eyes were wide open, bright, mostly red. His hair was all over the place—he’d been sitting with his hands on his head when I came out the door just now, so maybe that’s why. He looked good enough to eat, even under the dim lights of the hallway.
And the lights did nothing to hide his audacity, either. “None of your business. What do you want?” I said, and tried to convince myself that Ihadn’tmissed looking at his face, especially from closer up.
Then the asshole leaned in and said, “You.”
I would have rolled my eyes properly if all this heat hadn’t poured over my entire body the next second.
Still, I was proud for managing to step aside and say, “Just stay away from me, Heartling.”
The words came out flat and dry—but he heard them.
Even so, when I made to walk away, he put his arm around my waist and pulled me back with ease.
Because I let him.
Silly, silly Ora…
“Don’t you think Iwantto?” March said through gritted teeth. “You can’t even look me in the face! Iwantto leave you alone—I just can’t.”
My poor heart. “Thentry. Harder,”I spat.
He was towering over me now, his eyes all dark, no more red shining in them. “I’ve been trying.”
“Just remember last night and that should do it for you. It does it for me. I haven’t forgotten.” The way he’d looked at me. All those words he’d said. How perfectly worthless I’d felt.
March closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and just when I thought that it worked, that he was either going to step away and let me through, or say something awful to me again, he didn’t.
He grabbed my face in his hand and moved me, pushed me against the wall between Reggie’s and Helen’s rooms instead. “Youleft,” he whispered, his warm breath blowing against my lips. I had my hand over his chest and all I had to do was push.Just push, Ora—push.
I didn’t.
“You just left. I woke up and you weren’t there and I lostmy fucking mind.” Every word he said was like a rock thrown at me. “Why? Why didn’t you stay?”
I felt the hurt. I felt the pain in his words. Iunderstood.
“Because I thought it would be easier.” Because I was a coward and I was overwhelmed and it was all too much too soon.
Suddenly his hand wrapped around the back of my head and he pulled me to his chest in a hug. Held me there so that my ear was pressed right over his heart, and I heard how fast it beat. I heard it as if it were in my own body.
“I pushed you too hard. I’m sorry.” The darkness inside me coiled tighter. “I didn’t mean anything I said. And I’m not trying to excuse myself, but that’s the truth. I’m sorry, Ora.”
My eyes were closed, thankfully, because those tears were vicious as they came. I wouldn’t have been able to keep them in.
I’m sorry,he said, and it was like the world was no longer dark, which wasn’t even fair. It was the anger that had kept me on my feet all day, the anger that had gotten me through.
But how was I supposed to be angry when he saidI’m sorry, and meant it?
Because I was no expert in apologies, but I was twelve-hours certain that I was an expert on anything March. How he looked, how he sounded when he was honest.
