My hair was of similar color, my skin sensitive to copious sun exposure, my eyes just as blue as the ocean. My royal line had gifted me the signature cobalt eyes that no one living person possessed. Deep like stone and dark rather than light, the color was so unique that I was the recipient of stares in every room I stood. My father had had these eyes, as his mother did beforehim, and her father before her. In one of the halls were portraits of my ancestors—and each one had the same eyes.
The fire continued to burn, consuming the silence as fuel.
He turned his gaze on me and nodded. “I admire your defiance.” He always spoke with a slow elegance, caring about his perception from others rather than being authentic. My father was the opposite. He said what he meant and meant what he said. His candor was a breath of fresh air.
“Really?” I asked coldly. “Because it usually gets me into worse trouble.”
“You’re your father’s daughter, that’s for sure.”
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” One knee was propped, with my heel on the chair, while my other leg dangled to the floor. I was wrapped in a maroon blanket, an old wine stain still visible when the light hit it just right. “I’m the daughter of kings, daughter of the king who exiled the Mammoths, and here I sit, unworthy of the crown bound to me by blood because I don’t have a dick to shove inside a woman.”
My uncle didn’t admonish me in private.
“They’re too old to draw a sword, and I’m the unworthy one?” I asked with a sneer. My father had taught me the blade himself, taught me how to wield a sword and hide a dagger in my clothing. As a queen, I would always be protected by my soldiers, but I had to be able to defend myself if need be. “My mind is clear of the cobwebs and dust that litters their minds.”
“As your years of life grow, so does your arrogance.”
“Yes,” I snapped. “Arrogance is the perfect word.”
“I have a solution that could fix all of this.”
My eyes released the fire and shifted to him with a leap. “I’m listening.”
His hands were on the armrests, his hands gripping the edges, and he hesitated before offering his idea. “You could marry me.”
My initial reaction was a laugh because it had to be a joke. It wasn’t uncommon for women to marry men thrice their age, but the suggestion was so far in the opposite direction of where I was headed that it seemed like an awkward stab at humor.
But his face remained hard, like it wasn’t a joke whatsoever.
My chuckles subsided, and then I felt the hostility of his offense. “I’m sorry, what?”
“The Ring of Elders would approve of me as a suitor. Because of my experience in the castle as the steward and my time on the battlefield as a general, my ties to the royal family?—”
“We’re practically related, Vulgaris.”
“Hanne, you could be Queen Barclay and rule as you wish. I could be there to support you.”
“That’s not the issue I have with this agreement,uncle.” I took a jab at the name my father would sometimes use for Vulgaris when we all had dinner together, making him a member of our family when there were no ties of blood. He’d never been married, and I’d never seen him with a woman. Never thought much of it, because in my mind, you didn’t have to be married.
He finally addressed the most concerning part of his suggestion. “We would obviously refrain from a marital relationship. I would have my lovers, and you would have yours.”
“But what about children?” I wanted to have children and not just to have an heir, because I wanted to be a mom. My own mother had never gotten the chance.
“You could have your lover’s children, and we’ll pretend they’re mine.”
“And you would be okay with that?” I asked in disbelief.
“It doesn’t bother me.” He said it with the straightest face I’d ever seen, like he was truly fine with it, like he’d really thought this through. “The kingdom is secure in the hands of Barclay blood, you can bed who you wish, and I could keep you safe. There’s no one I trust to watch your back more than myself.”
I still couldn’t believe this was a serious conversation. I had to get past the shock before I could truly consider what he suggested. It would make my life easier right now. The search for a suitor would be completed instantaneously, and I had no doubt the Ring of Elders would approve the match. I would have the crown and be queen, and as horrible as it was to say, my husband would be gone in about twenty years, at most.
I hadn’t experienced my first time yet. I’d been too depressed to pursue relationships the last two years, and before that, I was simply too young. So, the idea of having secret lovers sounded exciting at first, but deeper thought made me realize it wouldn’t be exciting for long.
What if I fell in love but could never marry them?
And because I couldn’t, they would leave.
Who would want to have children and allow some other man to pretend to be their father? Not the type of man I’d want to have children with in the first place.
