“You brought it to my attention! Practically dared me to ask. You were… provoking me.”
“Trust me”—his gaze hooked to mine—“if I’m provoking you, you’ll know it.”
A little warmth spread up my neck. I quickly covered it with my hand before it reached my ears. “I obviously didn’t know what you were talking about, so if that was the win you were looking for, then you got it, okay? Zing. I had no idea he partied. None. Zero. Please elaborate so I don’t go home and stay up all night worrying.”
“Wasn’t trying to zing or one-up you, for the record. All I meant by it was that Eddie occasionally lets the partying get out of control. This Christmas was a particularly bad incident. Just ask him if you don’t believe me.” He gestured with his hand. “Go on. Text him.”
“I can’t, okay? I’m maxed out. I sent him…” I couldn’t remember how to say the number. “An excessive amount already, and he’s not answering.”
“Oh,” Fen said, his mouth a round circle as the syllable hung in the air.
“Don’t, okay? My life has been one long nightmare since the accident—is that what you want to hear?”
“Jane—”
“People treat me differently,” I told him. “The few friends I had wanted to go out and be with their girlfriends and boyfriends. Life went on without me. And school? A disaster, okay? I went to a charter school filled with supersmart overachievers, while I got really behind with my schoolwork. Forget college, at least next year. My dad can’t afford it, so I need better grades, and honestly, it took everything I had to even…” I waved my hands, exasperated. “The diploma.”
“Graduate.”
I nodded. “Eddie has been the only bright thing in my life this past year. And now you’re telling me that was a sham? So please, at least spare me my dignity and tell me about this incident that I know nothing about. Because I’m tired of being coddled and babied and pitied—and yes, evenrescued, Fen Sarafian.”
His throat bobbed, and then he nodded. “I get it, I think. And I’m sorry. Let’s truce this out and just be civil, okay? I don’t want to fight with you. It’s way too emotional, and I like you too much.”
That hit me in the chest like a soft blow. Not a painful one, but it had some heft behind it, and I felt it. “Just tell me.”
“Isn’t much to tell. There’s a place outside town, near the private hospital. If you drove in on the freeway, you saw the signs for it. Condor Wings Clinic?”
“That place? I thought it was for injured birds.”
He gave me a soft smile and shook his head. “People call it Wings for short. Eddie’s best friend is Tim Albertson. Tim’s parents sent him there for two weeks in January, and probably Eddie should’ve gone too. It was after Tim and Eddie showed up drunk at my parents’ house at Christmas, made my baby sister cry, and then the two of them disappeared for three days on a bender right before New Year’s Eve.”
“What kind of… bender?” I asked, wanting to know yet wishing I didn’t.
He squinted. “Coke and booze, mostly. MDMA. My dad found them when one of the ski resorts called him to say that Eddie and Tim had caused thousands of dollars of damage to their best chalet with a baseball bat, and someone was running around naked in the resort’s lobby at three in the morning. They were about to call the cops until they realized who Eddie was.”
Heat rose in my chest. It’s not like I’d never been around drugs, though not from Mad Dog, who only smoked weed nowand then and fell asleep after a glass of wine. But now I was wondering if Eddie was ever high around me and I hadn’t noticed.
“I don’t think Eddie’s an addict, in case you were wondering,” Fen added. “I don’t know. Maybe? I definitely think he spends too much time with the wrong people on occasion and makes bad decisions. Did you want to know who was naked in the ski resort lobby, or…?”
I held up a hand to stop him.
He relented with a shrug.
“Maybe he’s been under pressure,” I said, more to myself than Fen. “Maybe he was too embarrassed to tell me. People make mistakes. If he’s sober now and trying to make good with your father by succeeding with this deal for the festival, then doesn’t he get credit for that?”
“Sure, okay. Why not,” Fen said, sounding mentally exhausted. “Eddie gets credit for most everything he does, no matter how badly he screws up or who he hurts.”
“It’s hard for me to respond to that. He hasn’t hurt me like he’s hurt you.” Just lied to me, apparently. Again and again…
Fen gave me a pointed look, like there was something he wanted to say but thought better of it. Then he got distracted. “Listen—hear that?” It was the sound of mission bells. “The horrible dental clown music is over. Time for band number two. Which means Velvet will be heading to the bathroom between sets.”
“Are you serious? Not again,” I said, panicking as I pushed away from the picnic table. “I didn’t sign up for this! What if she overdoses?”
“I think that mostly happens when you’re addicted?”
“But isn’t it ridiculously addictive?”
“Oh my God, yeah,” he admitted, standing with me. “I’m not trying to say it’s no big deal. Cocaine is risky and dumb as hell.”
