“I’m in love with you, too,” I said.
“Not just a little. I can’t see a future without you anymore.”
“That’s why I have to go.”
“Now? Today?”
I nodded against his chest. “I think it’s better. If I can. I’m going to try to leave now.”
“Without saying goodbye to anyone? Ani and Ari? My mom? I don’t understand why it has to be now. Please, talk to me.”
“Would it be any better if it were a week from now, now that I’ve told you this?” I said, pulling back to look up at him. “We’ve been ignoring the fact that I was going to leave at the end of the summer, but here it is, the end. And now that it’s between us, we’d both be counting the days, dreading it. It would be like waiting for an execution. We’d be miserable.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“To L.A.? I don’t even know where I’ll be staying. I told you, I’m not going back to Bel Air. I’m leaving Mad Dog’s service.”
“But our families are connected. What about Velvet? And Frida?”
“It’s not my family, and Frida’s not my dog.” My throat constricted so hard I couldn’t breathe for a moment. I’d forgotten about Frida. If I was doing this, then I’d lose her. And Exie. And Norma. And Starla.
I choked out a sob.
A crew of people walked past us, hurrying down the corridor as they carried cables. For a moment, there was some back-and-forth on walkies similar to the ones we used in the lodge. Fen and I both tried to pull ourselves together, wiping our faces on our clothes. And when we were alone again, he gave me a haunted look.
“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?”
I shook my head.
“We can do a long-distance thing, then.”
“That doesn’t work very well, trust me.”
He paced away from me several steps, screamed into his hands, and then came back. His hair was a nightmare. His eyes were bloodshot from crying. He’d never looked more beautiful.
“I told you that you had the power to crush me, didn’t I?” he said.
I sobbed again. “I never wanted that power.”
“Too bad.”
“I’m so sorry I made you see ghosts.”
“I would happily live with ghosts for the rest of my life.”
I shook my head emphatically. “Ghost-free. That’s the goal. No more hauntings.”
“No. The ghosts are what we lived through. They are us, me and you! You don’t get rid of ghosts—you befriend them. That’s what we’ve been doing wrong. Please don’t try to run away from this.”
“I’m not running away.”
I don’t think he believed me. “When are you coming back? This isn’t forever. Let’s negotiate.”
“Sarafian, through and through,” I said, smiling a little through my tears.
“A month.”
“I want to go to college.”
