“Holy fucking hell.” He stiffened and stared at me, stared at me out of the corner of his eye like he’d never seen me before. Like I’d contracted leprosy.
None of this was flattering.
“You’re telling me that there are five dudes just waiting around to see if you’ll choose one of them?”
I sighed.
“There are five dudes just sitting at home, staring at the wall, waiting for you to decide which one of them gets to marry you?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Wait.” He laughed. “Do these guys even know you smoke? Do they know you wander around abandoned playgrounds at night, stalking innocent men?”
I shot him a hard look. “Okay, I think I should go.”
I stood up and he stopped me, his hand curving around my forearm. I stared, surprised by the scene sketched poorlyin the uneven light, surprised by the weight of such a simple touch.
“Wait,” he said. He was no longer smiling. “Wait a second.”
I sat back down, tugged at my beanie.
“What?” I said, still irritated.
“You’re not actually going to marry one of these guys, right?”
I looked up at that, at the horror on his face. I was angry with him, suddenly. Angry with him for making me feel small, for shattering what little was left of my vanity. “I thought you said I shouldn’t need anyone else’s permission to live my own life.”
He flinched at that. Hesitated.
“This is different,” he said. “This just seems wrong.”
“Why is it wrong? What if I actually like one of them? What if it’s actually something I want?”
His eyebrows flew up. He seemed suddenly unmoored. “Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you—I mean—do you actually like one of them?”
I almost laughed.
“Why would I tell you, even if I did? You’ve just spent this entire conversation horrified by the idea that anyone would even consider marrying me, and now you want me to dissect the inner workings of my heart for you?”
His eyes widened. “Shadi, I just—I care about you. You’relike— I mean, I’d be upset if this were happening to my sister, too, you know?” He straightened. “Wait, there aren’t dudes kargarying my sister, are there?”
I went still. “No.”
“No one at all?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t talked to Zahra in a long time.”
“But, like, to the best of your knowledge?”
“No.”
“Huh.” He looked out into the night. “I think I’m offended.”
“Yeah.” I tried to laugh.
