“I’m sorry.” Belt takes an involuntary step back. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No. I’m glad you did. It was the right thing to say. It’s just good to have someone else hear her and come to the same conclusion.” She gestures him toward her. “Thank you.”
Belt waits a beat. He takes a cautious step toward her. The look on his face says, “Are we really doing this?”
“Do… do you want to talk about it?” His brow rises and he rushes his next words. “I mean, only if you want to.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I need a moment to sit with it first.” Her gaze shifts to the clock on the microwave. “Besides, I don’t want to make you late for your rehearsal.”
Belt turns to check the time. He turns back, still looking pensive.
“Yeah, I need go now if I want to be on time for rehearsal. If you need someone to talk to…” He waves goodbye to Ellie, who waves back. “Say hi to Daniel for me.”
Belt walks into the living room. Ellie doesn’t blame him. When she was getting the hang of things, she didn’t want anyone watching either.
She stares at the containers on the counter. The one with the porridge is filled nearly to the rim. Gingerly, she pries off the lid. As she spoons porridge into the bowl, the thought she pushed away last night roars back with a vengeance: With Mom gone, she doesn’t have to put up with Chris anymore if she doesn’t want to.
They’ve run out of parents. If Ellie cuts Chris out of her life, she’s run out of siblings. Unless Daniel counts, which he admittedly does. Still, Ellie’s not sure she can cut Chris out of her life. She can still see Mom in bed telling her to smile and placate Chris, do whatever she tells her to do. Ellie making peace with Chris is what Mom always wanted from her.
Ahdi’s right about Mom’s loyalty to family. Once, in one of those late-night visits where she sneaked into Mom’s room, Ellie told Mom about all the things Chris has done to her. Mom pronounced that Ellie would never get her to say anything bad about Chris.
Mom would have wanted Ellie to dismantle the monstrosity trapping her between life and death. She also wanted Ellie to keep putting up with Chris, to keep the family together whatever the cost. Perversely, Chris trying to kill her might be the one stable element grounding Ellie’s life. This past month of not knowing when or if she’ll start up again has been even more stressful. She doesn’t want to go back to semi-regular assassination attempts, though. There has to be some way to make Chris easier to put up with.
CHAPTER 14
By the time Daniel comes back, she’s on the dregs of a bowl of hot porridge. The microwave is still unstained, or at least she’s wiped it off after accidentally blitzing the porridge for ten seconds too long. The containers of dace and pickled cucumber sit opened on the table next to the half-empty plastic tub of??she grabbed the instant she saw it in Daniel’s extraordinarily well-organized cabinets. Sweet and salty, pork but wispy like cotton candy, she loves the stuff. It’s not hard to find in Boston, she just never gets around to going to the right stores. Ellie is dumping??into the dregs when Daniel shows up.
Daniel’s always even more mountainous after a workout. His uniform of T-shirt and jeans stretches across rather than merely hugs his body. A duffel bag hangs off his shoulder. He’s sipping a protein shake out of a shaker bottle.
“Ellie.” Daniel tilts the bottle up for a chug. “Is breakfast OK? I can make you whatever you want.”
“No, this is great.” She sets her chopsticks on her bowl and pushes away from the table. “Do you want some?”
“Oh, no thanks.” He shakes his nearly empty shaker bottle. “I’m a protein-shake-and-banana guy in the mornings.”
“Belt says hi, by the way. He stopped by this morning.”
“Oh, right. To pick up his score. He texted me.”
“Daniel.” Ellie bites her lower lip. “What do you think of Chris?”
“I don’t. She told me that I didn’t deserve to help take care of Aunt Vera.” He takes a last chug. “What brings this up?”
“Do you think Chris and I can ever have a relationship like two normal sisters?”
Daniel’s eyes bug out. They don’t pop out of his skull, although they look like they really want to. He takes a deep breath as his eyes slowly retreat back into their sockets.
“I think… you must love her very much to put up with her.”
“That’s not really an answer.”
His mouth opens, as if he’s about to say something. He doesn’t, though, and his mouth closes again.
Ellie’s heart pounds. Maybe she hoped that Daniel would have simply said no and that would have been that. Now, she wishes she hadn’t asked.
“Guess that answers my question. Thank you, Daniel.” She sets the bowl and chopsticks in the sink. “Ready to go to the archives?”
At first, Daniel looks surprised at the turn in the conversation. Then he looks relieved.
