“Well, I’ve learned there’s no other person in this world I’d rather have nursing me back to health, so by all means, here you go.” He held out his hand to her and met her gaze with a wry grin.
The blush his smile evoked satisfied him so much he hardly felt the sting from the liniment Ann administered.
When she tied the bandage tight around his hand, he brought his other hand up to inspect both of hers. He turned them over gently and lowered his voice to a reverent whisper. “I had no idea you were so strong.”
He rubbed his thumb over the calluses on her palm, and she drew back.
“My hands have never been so unladylike.”
“Your hands have saved many. These rough spots should be worn like badges of honor.” He sighed, wanting to tell her all. “Ann, I am still in awe at what you did for me last night. I realized, more than ever, as I tried to sleep to no avail, that I want you by my side. I need you in my life. Not just on this ship, but in my future. Once I am no longer the first mate.”
Ann pulled her hand away from Will as her heart snagged on his words. She’d been so caught up in the moment she’d forgotten her resolve not to be with anyone who didn’t believe as she did, but now she needed a moment to think. She drew a few breaths, swallowed, and turned back toward him.
“You are giving up your position as first mate?” She hoped she knew what that meant.
“Well, not exactly,” he said, softly. He stood straighter and continued. “I wouldn’t be the first mate, because, well, I’d be the captain.” He paused for effect and smiled at her.
She managed to return his gaze, though she felt like her insides had just been washed overboard.
“Captain Fairfield is growing too old and told me just yesterday he wishes me to take over theWindermereas captain.”
Captain. Every bit of hope she had sloughed off. A tight breath hitched in her throat. “Oh, that would be excellent news, wouldn’t it.” She wondered if he noticed the false joy in her tone. But she should be happy for him. This was every sailor’s dream. And since this so clearly proved his stance, and she wouldn’t be a part of his future anyway, she could at least try to act pleased for him.
He paused, as though he noticed her change, and his voice grew more serious. “As much as I want the promotion, Ann, I want to be with you.”
“Oh, Will,” she said, a strangled anguish in her voice.
“What is it, dearest? Will you really not have me?”
She walked to the railing. Her cold, weather-hardened hands wrapped around the railing as she attempted to still her breathing. She peered across the sea and thought she saw a speck of something brown. Not just a passing island like they’d seen in the last week, but something more solid.
As the sheen of the rising sun cut through the haze, someone else must have seen it too. “Land ho!” a seaman atop a yard yelled.
A bell rang, and the few passengers on deck so early in the morning rushed to the bow.
The sight should have made her rejoice, should have made her move, but it only brought home the realization of their imminent future. She hadn’t expected her feelings to erupt so vehemently, but the sight of land confirmed that she must tell Will the whole of what weighed on her heart. With a deep breath, she gathered her courage and turned. Will had taken a few steps toward her, and when her eyes meet his, he closed the distance.
She turned and pointed. “That’s it.”
“Yes. We will continue to sail another day or two, and then a steamer will give us a tug, and we’ll head up the river for a few days.”
With one hand he eclipsed hers on the rail. She changed her gaze from the distant horizon to his eyes. “My heart is heavy, Will.”
“I know. I can see it. And feel it, my love.”
He called her his love. Those tender words made it all the more difficult to breathe.
“Please don’t say anything else. This is hard enough already.”
He removed his hand from atop hers.
“When we land, I must go to Zion. I belong with the Saints. No matter how much I love you—which is very, very much—” She could feel a sob choking her throat, but she pushed on. “I cannot turn my back on my God, and He made it very clear I was meant to take this journey. Whoever I marry will have to be willing to make such a sacrifice to go there as well. I can’t take you away from captaining your ship, and yet”—she met his gaze and felt the despair there—“I can’t stay with you.”
His shoulders sank. “There has to be some way ...”
“There isn’t,” she said.
His perfect mouth turned down. “I’ve been thinking about it more and more, and I know God is real. He loves me, just as He loves you, and we are meant to be together. We could be a household of faith.”
