She shook her head. They were hopeful words, but they weren’t enough. “I know you’ve spoken of your growing belief, but that’s different from fully becoming a member of this Church. Joining would require great sacrifices on your part—getting baptized, leaving all you know, becoming one of us.”
Will looked down to the deck. “But don’t you want to stay with me? You—you risked your life to save me.” He looked up and searched her eyes. His voice went low and quiet. “Did that mean nothing?”
Ann frowned as the sadness overcame her. “Oh, Will, please try to understand—”
“Is it because you are worried about your mother? I’ve heard all the talk of going to Zion from the sermons. I know it is a hard journey. But since you’ve been in the sick bay, your mother has spent most of the voyage with Adelaide and her husband. I’ve noticed how much stronger your sister seems since the beginning of the voyage, and your mother will be well taken care of as they cross the plains.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Think on it, I beg you. I would provide a comfortable home, especially as a captain. I thought we would build a family, built on God’s principles, and raise our children right.”
Tears ran down Ann’s face. “I am so sorry. I can’t turn back on what I set out to do. I promised when I was baptized to take upon myself the name of Christ, and I must stay true to the covenant I made to follow Him, no matter what.” She let out a breath. “Seeing the hand of God in this voyage has left me without a doubt that He needsmyhands. My future is so much like this journey—a course I know I must follow. I trust God has given me these coordinates because He knows where I need to be, so I can help Him do His work.” She swallowed. “And that means going to Zion.”
Ann glanced down. “I know I can’t expect you to feel the same. You have a course you wish to follow too.” The beautiful coastline became a little clearer in the strengthening light, and she kept her gaze there, because it hurt too much to meet Will’s eyes. “Though it pains me, I think it’s best we part ways once we land. Or even now, if you cannot abide my presence any longer.”
She turned toward him and watched the color drain from his face, his eyes sad and distant.
“I must be on my way,” he breathed, and with a nod of his head he strode to the upper deck.
Ann tried to keep her eyes on the brown horizon as her shoulders heaved up and down with her sobs. This was, even more than the storms and the illnesses and the squalid conditions, the hardest thing she had ever had to do.
But she could not deny her commitment to God.
Chapter 40
April 16, 1854
54 days at sea
Rather than takeCrenshaw’s watch that evening, Will asked Wilson to stay on another hour and split it with Drake. It was just as well, for as he left his post, he saw Ann coming up to the deck. He guessed she wanted to take in the night air. He was glad he didn’t have to stand duty while she was there. No longer did Will wish to see the light of day or another living soul. He felt he had been cast into the depths of the ocean and was sinking so deep he could never swim to the surface again.
He had nearly died from smallpox. But he was healed. They’d nearly run out of food. Then they were saved. Just last night, he almost lost hold and plummeted to his death. Yet here he remained. He glanced again at the fresh wound on his hand. He’d finally felt he had more purpose in life than ever before, but Ann would not have him.
Oh, dearest Ann. He thought of all the times he’d helped her: the coin purse, the gangplank, the stove ...
If only she thought as he did: that God wanted them together.
But she’d declared God had told her other things.
Perhaps ... perhaps she did not love him as fiercely as he loved her. Yet, he’d seen the look in her eye, felt her lean against his chest, watched her face as she rescued him. Experienced her kiss and her hand on his neck. In all those ways he felt she loved him.
Distraction seemed the best antidote for his aching heart. Knowing Ann wasn’t in the sick bay, he made his way down to Scotty. He owed the boy a visit.
Will acknowledged the doctor as he slipped inside the room. Scotty lay in the nearest corner, his eyes closed, his face red. Will pulled a stool beside him.
At the sound of movement near him, Scotty pried open one eye. “Mr. Boyd?”
“Aye.”
“Have I done something, sir?”
Will shook his head. “No, my boy. I wanted to visit you.”
“But you’re so busy. You didn’t need to take the time ...”
“On the contrary.” Will patted the boy’s scabbed-over hand. “I wanted to remind you that you are strong and can make it through this.”
“Thank you, sir. It ... it means a whole lot.”
Will took in the boy’s face, noticing the current stage of the disease. He was weak and covered in sores, but the fact that he could talk was promising. “So how are you doing?”
“I’ve been better.” Scotty managed to laugh as he said it. “But I’ve had lots of time to think down here.”
