68.
now
“We can’t have you getting lost,” I tell Yolo. I’m wrestling him into a cat harness that attaches to a leash. “What if something attacked you? And this way you don’t have to be in the carrier or the backpack.” I ignore my own irrationality. Sure, he found his way home. Sure, there no longer seem to be any cars that might hit him or people who might steal him or other animals that might hurt him.
But I have to keep him safe.
Yolo curls up in the back seat to sulk, butt facing me, as is his custom now.
Taylor Farms is on a different road out of town, one I actually haven’t tried since everyone disappeared.
I wonder if we’re even going to be able to get there. But although it’s kind of far out, it’s still Lithia. So maybe thiswillwork.
As the drive lengthens and the miles pass, Yolo sits up. Soon, he’s got his paws on the window, looking out.
“Is this farther than you’ve ever been, buddy?” I ask him.
He deigns tomehat this.
“I know, right?” I say. “Pretty cool.”
Where else can I go that I haven’t tried yet?
69.
Therapist:You have to stop tormenting yourself.
July:
Therapist:You didn’t know what would happen. You didn’t know how you’d feel.
July:I knew. I knew I was making the wrong decisions. But I didn’t know how to stop. And
I just
didn’t
realize
the consequences.
70.
now
“You didn’t make this easy,” I call out to Syd/Sam/Alex/whoever it might be.
There are so many fields at Taylor Farms. Do I have to walk up and down the rows of each one? Where the strawberries grew in June, where the blueberries and raspberries were in July?
Well. It’s not as if I have other ways to spend my time. This is the farthest I’ve been since everyone disappeared. This far out, the stars are very bright. It’s beautiful.
The flashlight I brought from the glove compartment plays on the bushes, making them flash gold and gray, light and dark. It’s August now, so the berries are picked over, but every now and then I catch a decaying blueberry, a missing-toothed raspberry, on the vine.
Up and down the rows we walk, Yolo high-key annoyed by and low-level resigned to his leash.
I think I’m in the right place. I don’t think I have to go to the farm’s orchards for apples.
Because those are fall harvests.
