“No, it’s not. It’s honest. You’re stronger, smarter, and better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
“Smart? I can barely read,” she argues.
“That doesn’t mean you’re not smart. Besides, you can read people,” I respond. “You understand how they work in a way I never have. You’re effortlessly charming. Personable.”
Seyoon purses her lips. “I’m impulsive.”
“You’re brave. You’re sure of yourself and your decisions.”
“Stubborn.”
“Determined.”
“Loud,” she tests, an eyebrow raised.
“Bold,” I say easily. “And energetic in a way that’s unfortunately infectious.”
“Cocky.”
“Sure,” I add, smiling a little. “But not for no reason. And even though you’re competitive, you never put down other people or cheat to get to the top. You never stray from what you know is right. You lift people up, people like me.”
Seyoon looks even more puzzled than before, her eyes scanning my face while she parses something together. “Why are you saying all this?”
“Because it’s true.”
“You mean that?”
“Yes,” I urge. It surprises me howmuchI mean it. This emotion, whatever it is, swallows me whole, consumes me. It scares me. Since when do I care?
No. I deserve honesty, too. I’ve always cared. I care about everything, all the time, too much. Just because I don’t often voice my feelings doesn’t mean I don’t have them.
This time, I ignore the fear that prickles at the base of my neck and reach out again, showing her my hand, asking for her touch.The possibility of putting myself out there, of changing this thing between us irrevocably, is terrifying.
Seyoon meets me halfway—like she always does—and slips her hand into mine. Her fingertips skim over the creases of my palm, lighting tiny fires in the pockets of space between our skin.
“This is the truth,” I start, locking eyes with her so she can see my honesty as much as she can hear it. “I like who you are, and I like when we’re on the same side. I promise, from now on, if you still want to be in an alliance with me, we’ll make decisions together.” I slide my hand around until our palms are aligned, giving her an opportunity to move away if this isn’t what she wants too. “What do you say?”
Crickets chirping in the grass puncture the heavy silence. I usually hate eye contact, but I can’t pull myself out of the deep pools of her irises now. When she stares back, perceiving everything I try so hard to keep hidden, I find that it’s actually sort of nice to feel seen. At least when it’s by her.
Seyoon slots her fingers between mine. Warmth plants itself into the crevice of my chest.
“I like when we’re on the same side too,” she says, smiling with confidence this time. “Okay. Let’s win this thing. As teammates.”
Teammates.
Just teammates.
The reassurance should settle me, but all it does is knock something else loose, something left unsatisfied. What more could I want from her?
We settle down on the blanket to stare at the indigo sky. Seyoon begins prattling off the constellations for me, and as I listen to hervoice, feel the heat of her body next to mine—the warmth in my chest explodes. Fire scorches in the notches between my ribs, burning in the blood pumping through my heart. It’s the most pleasant burn I’ve ever experienced. I can see why Icarus would fly toward the sun.
The realization creeps up on me, closing in until I can’t escape it.
I want to be more than teammates.
I wanther.
29
