“But we were told to keep them on at all times?” Except after film hours or if we’re in the bathroom, these clip-on mics are meant to pick up every word, hum, and fart.
“Who told you that? Some crew member?” I nod. Garrett flaps his hand. “Well, the guy who paysthatguy is telling you otherwise. Go on.”
Curious, both of us reach for our collars and flick the little switch on the mic.
“Whardifbouf?”1Seyoon attempts to speak through a mouth full of muffin.
Garrett leans back in his chair and fakes nonchalance. He looks so ridiculous in the apron, it’s kind of pissing me off. “I feel like it’s my responsibility as both the host and your unofficial uncle to see how the two lovebirds are doing.”
“Lovebirds?” I squeak—say.
“Uncle?” Seyoon nearly chokes.
“Alright, I knew I was pushing it with that one. But with how close me and your parents were, it’s within the realm of possibility that I could have been a sort of godparent to you. And in that alternate universe where I am a respected and beloved guardian, it’s my duty to check in on some rumors floating around that you two are K-I-S-S—”
“They’rejustrumors,” I cut him off before he can keep going. “We’re not—it’s not like that. We’re not dating.”
“Really? Huh.” Garrett leans forward and snags a muffin, taking a bite before continuing. “Can you pretend to be?”
What?
“What?” Seyoon voices my thoughts. She shakes her head and stands up, shoving another muffin into her pocket. “Never mind, forget it, I don’t want to hear any more. I was right, you’re a creep, and we’ll be on our way now. Thanks for the muffins.”
She’s already walking away, but something about the amused look in Garrett’s eye makes me wait. He looks like he expected that reaction. Like it was a test. I’m good at tests, and one of the reasons is because I consider all the possibilities before selecting a choice.
“Why?” I ask. Seyoon stops once she realizes I’m not following.
“It’s not because I particularly care whether you two are actually experiencing the marvelous horrors of young love, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Garrett drawls, his bubbly, TV-host voice completely gone now. Even the slightly dumb glaze in his eyes has disappeared. He looks smarter and more calculating than I could have expected from him. “It’s because this is a great opportunity for you two, and as someone who’s been in your shoes, it’d be a shame if I didn’t tell you. A worse shame if you didn’t at least consider it.”
“Go on?”
Garrett, finally getting the undivided attention he craves, preens. “You already understand the benefits of an alliance. Teams are strong, and strength is feared in competition.”
A hundred examples come to mind. Jenny and Emma in season three, who worked so well together that everyone stayed out of their way. Then there was Theresa, Mauve, and King in season fourteen. They dominated the game to the point that their strongest rivals bargained with them to target other people. And Hectorand Thomas, who, in their semifinal challenge, were pitted against two other contestants who gave up halfway through because they knew they couldn’t beat the dynamic duo. A great alliance has gotten more than a few contestants to the finish line.
“However, everyone knows an alliance can be broken by the smallest thing,” Garrett continues. “But if the others think you’re united not just through sportsmanship butlove?That’d make for an unbreakable bond. Might be intimidating. Might be beneficial.” He takes a huge bite of his muffin, chewing with his mouth open. “God, wow, I can’t believe how good these are.”
Seyoon slowly approaches us again, standing behind my chair. The wheels are spinning in her head, I can see it on her face. Garrett’s making a lot of sense. A sentence I never thought I’d say. “Why would you want to help us out? You’re not a nice person.”
“I’m wounded!”
“Sure you are.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Nothing a little twerp could say would keep me up at night after all these years in the limelight.”
“Then, just tell us the truth.”
“The truth is, romance boosts ratings,” Garrett says plainly. “Audiences eat up a good showmance, and yours is the jackpot. The kids of former contestants who were in an ill-fated alliance, now falling in love on the same show? You’re star-crossed lovers, doomed by the fact that only one of you can win. Shit, wait, that’s a good line, I need to write that down…”
I hate to admit it, but he’s completely right. It’s gold. This is the stuff they throw out in a writing room and have to scratch because it’s too good to be true. Damnit.
“Besides,” Garrett goes on, still scrambling for a pen and paper. “You’d be doing me and Blakey a favor. We’re trying to get funding approved from the network for a nice spinoff show starring yours truly and my precious nephew.” He fans his hand dramatically. “Moxley to the Maximum.I think if we prove to the powers that be that America still lovesForest Feud, they’ll give us the moolah.”
Seyoon tugs at the back of my collar. “Yeah, I knew it was for selfish reasons. Come on, Dean, let’s go. Grab that muffin.”
I do, following her lead. We see ourselves out, but before the door closes behind us, Garrett calls out, “Hey, just because I’m selfish doesn’t mean I’m wrong!”
Seyoon slams the door hard enough to shake the frame. “God, I hate him.”
