The tears are back now, flowing freely. “I love you,” I whisper. “But not at the cost of who I am. So I have to walk away, and you need to let me.”
His features crumple into a mask of agony. “I won’t stop you. But I also won’t stopfightingfor you. You’re it for me, Victoria. You’re my goal. My podium.” He takes a step back. “Take whatever time you need.Dowhatever you need. But, when you’re ready, I’ll be here with open arms.”
Chapter Fifty
Asher
Iturn into a lovesick idiot over the next week… and I don’t even have it in myself to be mad about it. If being a dumbass is the way to get Victoria back, then so be it.
Every morning, I get up at butt-fuck-o’clock and run to Victoria’s favorite café, where I get her coffee. It’s waiting on her desk by the time she gets in. I only hear from her about it once, when she sends me a text sayingthank you, but this doesn’t change anything.
I know coffee won’t be the turning point that brings her back to me. I don’t do it because I assume it’ll get me what I want—her—I do it because I’ve been cursed to notice and remember every single thing about her, and I want her to know that I pay attention. I’ve always paid attention, even when I convinced myself otherwise.
We only run into each other once, four days after our conversation. She hides in the analysts’ cave all day and I do my best to give her space, even though I find myself walking by more often than I should, hoping to get a glimpse of her.
When I see her out and about, she’s walking out of the simulation rooms, with Elio beside her. They’re chattingabout something, and my vision momentarily hazes red with rage… until I see the deep circles under her eyes and the sad, exhausted expression she’s wearing. My anger is quickly curtailed by guilt.
“Asher.” Elio notices me before she does, and when he greets me, her posture stiffens. She glances up at me from her tablet, then pointedly looks back down and taps around it.
“Elio.” I nod, trying not to be too curt about it.
Don’t stare at her, you idiot.But I can’t get my eyes off Victoria. She’s running simulations withElio, which is supposed to beourthing.
Has she switched over to his team?
It’s as if she can read my mind. Elio strolls away after tipping me an amiable nod, and Victoria murmurs quietly, “I haven’t made any transition to the first driver.”
“Thank god.” I don’t even try to mask the desperation in my voice. I’ve accepted that I’m a fool in love, and that none of my usual rules or behaviors apply to Victoria. She is, and always will be, my single exception.
“How’s… the coffee?” I grimace at my own attempts at small-talk, but I can’t help myself. I’d do anything to keep her here, talking to me, staying withme. She doesn’t look at me, but if she did, she’d see my silent pleas.Come back to me. Choose me.
That’s the thing about Victoria, though. Even if she ends up turning her back on me like every single other person in my life, I’ll still wait for her. I don’t care if that makes me the biggest idiot in the world. For better or for fucking worse, I’m hers.
“It’s good, thank you.” She glances up at me from under thick lashes. “How did you know?”
“You mentioned the café in passing.”
Her eyebrows rise a bit, and I might be deluding myself, but I think her gaze might soften just a little bit. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
We stare at each other for a while in silence.
“I miss you,” I finally say. “So much.”
She drops her gaze again. “If it’s the sex, then I’ll remind you that you can get thatliterallyanywhere else. There is no shortage of women who will throw themselves at your feet in the world.”
“I don’t want them. I want you. And I don’t just want you for the sex, though I’ll be the first to admit that’s a nice bonus. I missyou.”
Her chest shudders with her next inhale. I want to touch her so badly, to do anything to convince her to come back to me, but I promised I’d give her space—and that’s what I’ll do. That doesn’t mean I won’t be keeping a very close eye on her and shadowing her. I’ll just do my best to be discreet about it.
“Thank you,” I say after several more moments of terse silence.
“For what?” she asks her tablet, still not looking at me.
“The upgrade package. I saw the mockup—that shit’s insane. I didn’t know you werethatgood with cars.”
I think I detect a faint blush at the praise. “I learned from the best.” She finally,finallymeets my gaze again. “I’m furious with you, and with myself, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped believing in you, Asher. You’re going tobe one of the greats. If in ten years, I can say that I made some small contribution to that, I’ll be happy.”
