“I’m also a data analyst by training.”
“Not just that, either.”
“And I’mtechnicallya mechanical engineer by eduction—”
“Victoria.” Asher reaches out, wrapping a lock of my hair around his finger. “You know that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about our relationship.”
“Our relationship is over.”Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…
“That’s what I want to talk about.” He tugs my hair, presumably to pull me nearer, but I tilt my head back and step away. Being so close to him makes my soul ache. I’m strong, but I’m not strong enough to tolerate losing Asher and having to stand in front of him.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You made your stance clear, and that’s fine. I respect it.” I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Let’s just… keep our distance for the rest of the season, okay? I don’t think we should be alone together anymore.”
“Sweetheart—”
“Don’tcall me that,” I hiss. He lost the right to call me that when he said… when he—
“Victoria.” Asher’s eyes are pleading. “I said terrible things. I didn’t meananyof them. I was angry and stuck in a spiral. For a little while, I went back to the man I used to be, but—”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shake my head. I’m too invested in self-preservation to let Asher chip away at my defenses.
“Sweetheart,please,”he says quietly. “Please, just hear me out. I’m so,sofucking sorry for what I said. I hate myself for it. I don’t blameyoufor hating me for it.”
“I could never hate you.” My whisper spills out like a sin told to a priest in a confessional. I clear my throat and straighten. “Thank you for your apology. I’m going to go home now.”
Panic flits through his expression. “Victoria, I want to… go back. Go back tous. I miss you so much I can barely fucking breathe—”
“Neither can I,”I snap, losing any semblance of control over my tone. The tears teasing my eyes start blurring my vision, and any second now, they’ll spill over. “I haven’t been able to breathe since Miami, Asher. Or sleep, or eat, or fuckinglive. You have a chokehold on every morsel of who I am, and I can’tstand it.”
“Then help me fix this,” he says urgently, stepping forward. “Yell at me. Call me whatever mean names you want. Do whatever you need to, Victoria, butplease…don’t end this.”
“Youended it,” I remind him, just as the first tear tracks a path down my cheek. “Youpassed me up for second best!”
He looks devastated at the sight of my tears. He reaches out his hand, as if to comfort me. When I step back, he curls his fingers into a fist and lowers it. “I didn’t mean it. I was angry, and beneath that,afraid. What I feel for youterrifies me, Victoria. The depth of my lo—”
“Don’t!” I shout. “Don’t say it. It doesn’t matter. You made your decision, and now, you have to stand behind it.”
He loses his battle to keep his hands off me and steps forward, wrapping his arms around me. His touch is gentle, giving me every opportunity to push him away, but I don’t have the strength to.
I cry all the painhecaused me intohisshoulder. I cling to him as if I’m clinging to life itself. All the while he murmurs things in my ear that I choose not to hear, and apologizes, again and again.
But when my tears have run dry… nothing has changed. I’m still devastated by him. I still can’t be with him. And, worst of all, I still love him so much it tears me apart from the inside out.
I flatten my hands on his chest and push him away.
“I can’t do it, Asher.” My voice trembles. “I justcan’t.”
I don’t want your fucking help anymore, intern.
It’s over.We’reover.
I’m going back to Ethan. You can take your destructive bullshit somewhere else—if anyone will have you after today.
The memory of his words crash into me, plunging me into freezing cold and pitch-black waters.He knew where to push to hurt me the most, and he did so mercilessly.
“We need space… to move on.”
“Thereisno moving on.” His voice is sullen now. Almost resigned. “Not for me. There won’t be anyone after you.” He gives a short, bitter laugh. “How could there be? I spent my whole life afraid of getting too attached or falling, Victoria. I left so that others wouldn’t leave me first. But you…” he shakes his head. “I didn’t just fall for you, I face-planted and broke my nose on the way down. You fuckingtrippedme. I’ve never been a fan of change, sweetheart. And you…” he shakes his head. “From the moment I saw you, I knew you represented thebiggestchange of my life. Loving you wasn’t ever a choice, but even if it was one, I wouldn’t change it. You make me the best version of myself. When I’m with you, it’s like…” he pauses. “It’s like seeingcolorfor the first time after living in a noir film. So don’t talk about moving on.”
