She leads me deeper into the magical forest, the chilly breeze brushing against my skin as if it is alive and urging me forward. Everything here has life within it, like it is all living and breathing with a heartbeat just like mine.
“I never want to leave here,” I whisper, gazing up at the tall trees as they sway to and fro, reaching up toward the colorful sky and waving hello.
Hekate comes to a stop, the river in front of us sparkling and shining brilliantly. It mirrors the sky, those same colors swirling and dancing like magic runs through its veins. I could stare at it forever. The way it glistens is like diamonds in the sun, like the stars were plucked right from the sky and placed within it.
“What is it?” My words are hushed, not wanting to disturb the endless peace around us.
“This place is called Mount Othrys and this is the River Oceanus. It’s a sacred place the gods visit at times to discover and scribe new prophecies. The water here is said to make dreams come true. It is believed to be a mirror into the future, if you gaze into it long enough.”
“I believe it. There is more magic here than I ever thought could exist. It is truly like a dream.” Kneeling before the river, I peer into the water as it ripples and swirls in front of me.
“Would you want to see your future? If you could, would you like to see if the dreams in your heart might come true?” She kneels beside me on the plush, white ground. “I’ve seen my future already, parts of it, anyway. I know you question your place here with the celestials. You believe you belong on the Earth Realm with my coven of witches, but I believe they can offer you much more than we can, Nyx. I believe you’re capable of guiding those who may be lost into the light. I believe you possess the power to heal and to give hope to others who have none left.” Peering into the river, her eyes shine brighter than the sky. “You must believe in yourself the way I do.” As she turns to me, she brushes a strand of hair away from my eyes, securing it behind my ear.
I lean into the warmth of her touch. “I believe in you,” I whisper, my heart racing and my breath coming out too fast. “I believe anything is possible as long as I have you with me.” My smile is small but genuine as I hold onto so many words that try to claw and rip their way out of my heart and into the emptiness.
I love you, my heart screams. I love you and I hate that I do not know how to admit it. It kills me that I have been so unloved myself that I fear those three words will be my undoing. She is all I have, and love is pain. Love is loss. Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, to leave, to rip your heart out and break you, and I can’t… I cannot be anymore broken.
Nodding once, she turns back to the river which now churns faster, the bright hues blurring and becoming one. “Peer into the river and shut off your mind. Let the energy wrap around you like a comforting embrace. Become one with it and allow it to become one with you. It will not harm you. It will free you from any doubts you have of the path you’re on. It will assure you that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.”
She focuses her glowing eyes on the water, raising her hands up and sending it spinning into a whirlpool of colors. The lights shine brighter and though they are hard to look directly into, I force myself to stay focused. I gaze at my reflection, my dark hair cascading to my waist in waves. The deep mahogany of my eyes blends into the pupil, becoming orbs of vast obsidian. My smooth, pale skin peeking out beneath my white robe is flawless in the reflection.
Magic surges, vibrating through the air, the river and forest wrapping around me like a gentle embrace. Warmth courses through my veins, the power latching on and becoming one with my soul. I am it and it is me. We are the same. In my mind’s eye, a vision of myself in all white appears, the usual attire here in the celestial realm. Then I’m kneeling on the floor of my bedroom and an old, faded grimoire sits in front of me. Candles lit in a circle around me are the only light. A black cloud appears, like a shadowy figure made of smoke and darkness and nothing else, and it breaks through the protective circle of magic I casted out around me. The shadow grips me by the throat and forces its dark energy into my body, attaching to my mind and corrupting my soul.
My body shakes violently, and I want the vision to end. I try and try to force the wicked power out, but it is useless. The darkness persists no matter how hard I fight it. It latches on, sinking its teeth in and crawling deeper into the crevices of my soul where it cannot be found or contained or controlled by even me, refusing to let me go. The vision ends and a new one begins. I stand before the gods in the hall of justice. Crumbling to my knees, I beg for forgiveness and understanding as tears stream down my hopeless face. Metal clangs and air whips past my ears as a punishment by the gods is served. The sword slices and severs my beautiful white wings, mutilating the most sacred part of me. Fighting this, too, is useless. I scream and beg as the gods abandon me, casting me out for good, the realm opening and spitting me into an abyss of darkness and pain. I’m left with nothing. No one to turn to. Alone for eternity.
The vision of one day being disowned feels too real, like fate announcing itself before suddenly crashing into me. Screaming so loud the ground shakes beneath Hekate and I, the river stills, but even so, it does not release me from its grips. I try but cannot look away. It is not done with me yet. The reflection I gaze down at now is no longer my own. My smile turns wicked and vengeful, far from the innocent celestial witch I am here today. Black horns protrude from my head as snakes slither and crawl around my shoulders as if they too are a part of me.
The water darkens before my eyes, bubbling and steaming as it turns to the crimson color of fresh blood. Hekate gasps beside me but I am frozen in place, unable to blink or breathe or force myself to look away. She roughly grips me by the shoulders and screams my name.
“Look away, Nyx. Please look away!”
Her breathing is labored and panicked as she pushes herself off the ground, still sobbing and watching the red river flow and ripple in front of us. The crimson fades as darkness swirls in, and the water rages angrily as it becomes blacker than the night and blacker than my soul is destined to become. I cannot breathe as I collapse to the ground, my knees trembling too hard to hold myself up. A knot of dread coils in my stomach and I gasp for air as warmth trickles down my face. The once pure white ground is ruined and stained red from the river, stained like my hands will surely someday be. I knew I never belonged here. I felt it the day of my death as I transformed into a celestial and have felt it every day since. There is something devouring any light I have within me, suckling away at anything good I have left. A thing more dark and evil than I have ever felt lurks within, just waiting for the perfect moment to rear its head and strike.
Hekate, still struggling to command the elements with her magic, at last waves her hands and with a blast of her glowing blue magic, the forest and river disappear. My tears continue to fall. The silvery moon casts a brightness across the dark sky that feels wrong, as if the cosmos are smiling down at me and taunting me for facing my haunting, bleak future. The twinkling stars remind me how broken and dark my future will be, how lost I will become buried within darkness. Even as Hekate grips my shoulders and teleports us back to my bedroom, the sobs still rack my fatigued body.
She tucks me into bed and curls up next to me while I stare off into space. I feel nothing and everything all at once. If that is to be my fate, then there is no escaping it. Fate does not lie. The celestial prophecies do not lie. Life as I knew it is over.
Hekate presses her lips to my forehead and runs her fingers through my tear-soaked hair. “What did the river show you, my love? It matters not. I will protect you with my life.” Her gentle whispered words bring the sobs boiling back to the surface, but I force them down deep.
“I feel it, Hekate. I can feel the darkness within me already. I always have,” I croak, my voice hoarse from the crying and the blood curdling screams. “There is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop it. I will only disappoint you if you believe there is hope for my soul…or hope for us. Something dark is coming. It is here already.”
I cannot face her as I admit the truth. I turn away, knowing I must move on from the one I love, the one who deserves love more than anyone. I must accept that I have lost her already, and that in the end, I will only hurt her.
“Please leave. I no longer want you to teach me magic. I have no interest in being a witch or a celestial. I would like to disappear and never return.” Tears glide down my cheeks, but I am numb. I ignore them, pretending they are not real, that none of this is real. She appears in front of me, kneeling and kissing them away.
Her eyes lack their usual luster and radiance. They are red-rimmed, dull and hopeless. She feels it, too, the truth in my words, that there is no hope left for me. She will never admit it out loud. She will pretend until pretending is no longer possible. I am tired of pretending.
“I don’t care what darkness may come or what may try to corrupt your soul. I will fight for you until the day I die. I love you, Nyx. I am never leaving your side.” Her bottom lip trembles and the air tastes of her tears, the salty aroma making my own vision blur watching her break in front of me.
I do not wipe her tears away. Gods do I want to hold her and kiss her until my head spins and my heart no longer aches and I forget everything that happened today. I let her cry alone instead. I let her heart shatter like glass because I have to. It is the only way this can end.
She must learn that loving me is as painful as every slice and gash from the glass pieces she will now have to force back together.
“I do not love you and I never will.” My voice is flat and emotionless as I hold myself together, staring at her blankly. It kills me to lie. To hold in the truth and pretend I am not dying on the inside. “Just… let me go, Hekate. Find someone who cares and live a happy life without me. I will do the same.”
The ice around my heart that I once let shatter for her wraps around the now lifeless thing within my chest once more. Every piece of my soul untethers and shreds to pieces as I attempt to rip the part of me that cares for her out of my body. As I let her go, darkness clings to me tighter, the shadows smothering out my light and wrapping around my mind. I let it. Without her, I am nothing.
She wipes at the silvery streaks on her cheeks as she stands and shakes her head, her eyes full of disbelief. “You’re lying. We are meant for each other. We knew it the day we first laid eyes on each other. Our love was written in the stars, Nyx. There is no escaping fate.” Her voice is no longer gentle and sweet, it is laced with a rage I have never seen from her before.
