Good. I need her to be angry. I want her to hate me. To despise me and want nothing more than to end me to keep our realms from any suffering or chaos I may cause in the future.
Throwing the thick, suffocating covers off me, I sit up, laughing wildly. “Our love was not written in the stars, Hekate! Our love was a lie. Not a moment of it was real. You just wanted it so badly you convinced yourself we were perfect. I wish I had never met you. The darkness within me cannot be fixed or contained no matter how badly you want to believe it can be. Neither you nor the gods can save me. My fate is sealed. There is no hope for me, Hekate. Leave,” I spit the words at her like venom, letting it permeate the air with my false hatred.
She is hopeless. Her shoulders sag and her eyes darken and even the aura around her is faded and weak. She is giving up. As she glances at the door, she hesitates briefly before turning to leave. A part of me crumbles as I watch her take one step and then another away from me, a part of me that I fear might never be repaired. I feel the loss of her already, the emptiness in my soul that slams into me and leaves me numb. I will never forgive myself for hurting her. I will never heal from letting her leave.
The door creaks open and she doesn’t face me as she speaks. “I will never give up on you, Nyx. Even if your darkness reigns down upon the entire world, there will always be hope in my heart. One day I will save you.”
The moment the door closes and I am alone, I cover my mouth with my trembling hands to stifle the sound of the sobs that rack my body. I cannot imagine facing this darkness alone, but I know pushing her away was for the best. My limbs shake and my rib cage burns as tears force their way out. Once my body relaxes into the heaviness of despair and the well of tears within is dry, numbness takes over completely.
I had to let her go. I must let everyone go. My future is darker than I ever imagined, and I do not want to drag anyone down this dark path with me. The warning written in that grimoire was right, the grimoire I saw myself with in that terrifying vision. I should have never opened that door to darkness. I only wanted to peek inside, to get a glimpse of the power I might learn to wield, the power that surges through my veins. Now I fear I might need that dark power to fight whatever is coming for me. My feet hit the cold, wooden floor as I make my way to my dresser and pull out the grimoire of the dead from the top drawer. Taking a deep breath, I run my fingertips across the material, tracing the stars and the moon and the large owl imprinted on the leather cover. I never told Hekate what I had done, how I had stolen the book from the arsenal of forbidden items in the weapons room, but it called to me. It whispered my name each time I passed by, and I believed it was meant to be mine. She never would have agreed to letting me steal it. She would have feared what the punishment would have been for me.”
I sit on the floor and place the grimoire in front of me. I should not open it. I should burn it or tear it apart or toss it from this realm and into any other, but I cannot help but feel like things are playing out exactly how they are meant to. Maybe it is the darkness playing tricks on me. Maybe my mind is too far gone to see how catastrophic this might be. But I cannot let it win. While I can still fight it, I must try.
Closing my eyes and praying to the gods to save me, I slowly open the book. With a quick flick of my wrist, the black candles on my alter and dresser flash to life. I must train my mind to fight against this darkness that is coming for me. I can win. There is a small part of me that believes there may be hope, but this is a battle I must fight on my own. I will become darker. Crueler. More wicked and vile than it can be prepared for, and only then will I turn it to nothing.
I am Nyx. I am night and starlight and darkness entwined, and this truth is what will keep the shadows from suffocating me.
Darkness cannot have me. Not if I become the darkness instead.
Chapter Nineteen
You Are Not Alone
NORA
The sunlight trickles in through the curtains, so I clamp my eyes closed, wishing today they hadn’t opened at all. Thoughts of crimson eyes, black blood and glowing daggers pierce through the foggy haze of the night before. I should be waking up with Ere wrapped around me, his warm arms keeping me safe. Instead, my sister and best friend are taking up most of the bed and leaving me with nothing to keep me warm, not even my thin top sheet.
I miss him. The way he smells in the morning and the way his lips curve up the moment our eyes meet. I roll onto my side and grab my phone off the nightstand. No missed calls. Not one text from him. He always texts me good morning when he’s away. God, what the hell am I supposed to do now? He keeps me together when I’m on the verge of falling apart and reminds me that if I do, it’ll be okay. My fingers hover over the keyboard as I pull up our texts and then slowly I type the only thing I can think of to say.
Please just tell me you’re okay. I miss you.
I hit the side button and let the screen die, putting my phone face down on my nightstand. I’m sure I’ll hear from him soon. We have to be okay. I refuse to lose another person I love.
The smell of cinnamon, warm maple syrup and fresh bacon hits me and my stomach growls. After all the craziness that happened last night and never having a chance to eat, I’m starving.
“Who is cooking breakfast so early? It smells delicious.” Olivia inhales deep and smiles, then meets my gaze and sadness flashes behind her glossy eyes. “Morning, sis. You okay?” She sits up and pushes the covers down past her feet, nudging Hekate awake.
Hekate groans dramatically and tugs the blanket over her head. “That would be Kairos. He wants to talk to you this morning, Nor. I told him Liv and I would make ourselves busy.” She tosses the blanket off and stands, her icy hair still wavy and perfect.
“Hekate, you’re making the rest of us look bad. We just woke up and we drank a shit ton of alcohol last night. Liv and I look like complete shit, and you,” I wave my hands in her direction, grimacing as I do. “You always look so god damn perfect. It’s really not fair.”
Olivia smacks me in the head with one of my feathery, plush pillows, and I nearly sway right out of bed. Hekate and her both fall into fits of laughter immediately after. “Speak for yourself, Nor. Besides, she’s a witch and a queen. I bet she uses her power to stay this beautiful. She’s hundreds of years old. An old crone probably lives under all that magic.” My sister dodges and rolls out of bed as Hekate’s mouth pops open and she attempts to smack her dead in the face with a pillow.
We laugh, but it doesn’t last long. Once we’re all out of bed and facing the reality of the day, the momentary joy quickly fades.
“Have you heard from Ere?” Liv stands by my side as I rummage through my dresser and pull out a pair of black leggings and a faded grey band t-shirt.
I shake my head. “Nope. I texted him when I woke up, but…” I shrug, having nothing else to say.
Olivia lays her head against mine and wraps both arms around my shoulders. “It’ll all work itself out. Everything Hekate and Kairos told you is insane. I’m having a hard time accepting it all myself, so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. About mom and dad, I mean. I should have believed you.” Sighing, she lifts her head to look at me. “I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”
I swallow thickly, taking a deep breath as I loop my arm around her waist. “Thank you,” I smile up at her, searching her too calm eyes. “Does any of this scare you as much as it does me?”
She huffs a laugh, her eyes widening. “It scares the shit out of me, Nor. Not the magic or the immortals or even the monsters that apparently haunt the island, just the thought of something happening to you is what scares me.” Her arms drop to her sides, and her bright blue eyes glisten. “All we can do is believe everything will be okay.” She shrugs, forcing a smile and turning away.
Hekate pushes the bathroom door open and looks at me and then my sister. “Bromios is waiting for us, Liv. I finally accepted his invitation to have breakfast together after fifty times of being asked, but to his shock and disappointment, I’ll be bringing you along.” She smiles wide and proud, clasping her hands behind her back and swaying side to side, brimming with excitement.
Olivia shakes her head but laughs. “That’s cruel. Hilarious, but cruel. This will one hundred percent ruin his day, and possibly destroy his confidence,” she says, opening the bedroom door and stepping into the hall.
