There’s nothing wrong with Ere. I’m the problem. So many times he has tried to turn our situationship into a real relationship. He’s shown up with red roses and taken me on romantic dates and picnics under the stars. He did all the things women adore and long for, yet I still couldn’t help but push him away. The truth is, he deserves better than I can give him, because I’m a work in progress. I’m incomplete. After last night though, I believe that one day, I might be better for him.
Shooting Katie a half smile, I admire her beauty as she applies a fresh layer of nude lipstick before running a hand through her perfect wavy hair. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror and she spins on the stool to face me.
“Don’t listen to your sister. Tonight is about having fun, okay? We miss you.” She stands and plops down at the edge of my bed, crossing one bare leg over the other.
She’s always dressed and ready for a night on the town, so beautiful and elegant in every way. I wish I had the confidence she does. She could have anything she wants with just a look or a smile. Katie doesn’t use her beauty, though, not the way some do. There’s so much more to her than that.
Sitting beside her, I pull one leg up leaving the other planted firmly on the floor. “Magic is real, isn’t it? I sort of believed in it before, but after tonight there’s no denying it. I felt your power, Katie. It was beautiful. There’s much more I don’t know about, isn’t there? I mean, besides the existence of guardians and witches?”
She watches me pull and twist at the fabric of my shirt nervously, shifting my eyes around the room. I’ve joked many times about her being a witch because she owns a crystal shop and does tarot readings, but until tonight I was only humoring her. I’ve always only believed in what I could see with my own eyes, but I didn’t need to see Katie’s power to know it was real. Every part of me recognized what I felt as something otherworldly and magical. She’s more amazing than I realized.
Patting my knee, she nudges her shoulder against mine, and I bring my eyes back to hers. “Does it scare you? Knowing there are many things you don’t yet understand and much more you have yet to see?”
“No. What scares me is the thought that guardians, witches, and magic exist and yet darkness somehow always seems to win. What’s the point of magic if not to make the world a better place? To end suffering and death?” Swallowing thickly, memories and thoughts of the unfairness of my parents’ deaths swarm in, stinging and lashing at me as I swat them away.
“Maybe they try, Nor. Maybe trying sometimes just isn’t enough. Sometimes darkness is stronger and more powerful than even the celestial guardians are capable of handling. But it’s what they were created for, to fight darkness. If witches and celestial beings exist in the world, you would assume they try to make the world better. Wouldn’t you?” Her pale, smooth face doesn’t twitch or yield as I keep my eyes pinned on her, searching for any sign that what she says is untrue.
If every witch is as pure as Katie, then I know they could do no wrong. She’s too good for this world. I hate the sadness that lingers in her eyes, the deep sorrow she thinks she hides so well.
“You told me tonight I need to let go of the past to welcome the future. I’ll try. What about you Katie, will you try as well?” I pause as she shifts uncomfortably, staring at a spot on the floor. “You told me you’ve had your heart broken, and I get being scared of being hurt again, but you deserve happiness and love more than any of us. There’s someone out there waiting for someone exactly like you. Maybe it’s time you open your heart and stop holding onto your pain.”
Glancing over at me, her eyes are hopeless and devoid of light. “I fell madly in love once, Nora. I will never choose to put myself through that kind of heartbreak again. To me, it’s not worth it. I’d rather die a thousand times and live a thousand lives alone than to ever suffer that kind of loss again.” She stands, making her way to the window on the far side of my room, peeking out the curtains and losing herself in her thoughts.
It kills me to see her this way. Her pain is a wound even I can feel, still gaping and bleeding while salt is poured in, never having a chance to heal.
“I’m so sorry for whatever happened to you. For whatever pain you’ve been through.” Pushing off the bed, I make my way to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leaning my head against hers. “If you need a friend, I’m here. Whether it’s for a shoulder to cry on or to release the secrets and pain you’re holding inside, I’ll always be here.”
Her eyes glisten with tears as she looks at me then quickly looks away. “Thank you, friend.”
She says nothing else and neither do I. We lean against each other as we gaze outside, both our hearts aching for different reasons. Hers for a love lost and mine for a pain I don’t understand but wish I could heal.
Chapter Thirteen
Sunshine and Tangerines
NYX
MAY 18TH, 1848
The scent of sunshine and tangerines brings instant peace to my soul as Hekate’s white hair flows around me, brushing against my cheeks while she giggles quietly and kisses me. My once forgotten heart screams at me to tell her how I truly feel, how deeply her love has planted itself within me, forcefully giving meaning to life for the first time. She has no idea what she means to me.
Rays of light from the large bay windows in my room dance across her pale skin, the white sheets rumpled and wrinkled from our long day of enjoying each other’s company in the Realm of Light.
“I’m proud of you for who you’re becoming, Nyx. For the progress you’ve made lately. You should be proud, too.” Her glowing sky-blue eyes lock with mine as she brings her face closer, so close I can taste the air she breathes.
Straddling me, she wraps her soft thighs around my waist, guiding my hands beneath her lacy dress until I’m firmly gripping her hips. Gods, she is like a warm breath of fresh air, so inviting and intoxicating and more perfect than anything or anyone should be. I feel the heat building between my thighs as she gazes down at me.
“Should I be proud? How might the gods and my king and queen feel when they discover all you have really been teaching me this past year, Hekate? Like… how to kiss,” I croon, leaning up and brushing my lips softly against hers. “Or how to make love.” Wrapping an arm around her waist, I flip her onto her back, pressing my body into hers as I roll with her. Heat flares in her eyes and my heartbeat quickens at the squeal of shock and delight that rushes past her lips, breathing life into me. Lowering my head slightly, I drag my tongue across her lips and shiver with pleasure over her suffering, a soft moan humming within as she realizes I won’t yet give her the satisfaction of kissing me. “Or how to fuck.” I lick my lips and give her a teasing smile and then she can’t take anymore, gripping the sides of my face and pulling my lips to hers. She suffocates me with her kiss, with the desire pulsing through her until I no longer remember how to breathe.
Pulling away slightly, her eyes are contemplative and sure as she brushes strands of my dark hair away from my face. “I do not care what the gods or anyone else thinks,” she whispers, teasing the sensitive skin along my spine, her fingertips dancing slow and torturous strokes against me. She smiles with satisfaction as the pleasure of her touch makes my body shiver in response. “I only meant to be a mentor and a friend, someone to teach you how to wield your power. They can be angry if they wish, Nyx, but I never meant to fall in love with you. I do not believe either of us could have stopped this.”
Her words send a thrill through me like I have never felt before. No one has ever loved me. Not even my own mother who was so desperate that she sacrificed my soul and my future for a manipulative demon. He promised her everlasting love so long as she promised him a child who would one day be powerful enough to free him from the fiery pits of the Underworld for good. She never loved me. She was insane. The king and queen pitied me when they took me in as a newborn babe, discovering that my mother had been slaughtered by the same demon she went to bed with to birth me, but they, too, will never love me. I am simply a tool, a weapon, a mixed-breed fool who wanders through life with no one who truly cares, thanks to my mother. My demon blood makes me unlovable.
“You cannot love me.” I shake my head, averting my gaze. It does not matter how many times I might hear her say it, a hundred times, a million times, even, I still would not believe it.
I have never felt worthy of love. I never will. Despite that, I refuse to let someone as perfect as Hekate slip through my fingers. I will be better for her. One day I will accept her love and find a way to give it back to her times a hundred. I will do whatever it takes to keep her forever.
“Well, I do.” The sun begins to set outside my window and the darkness settling in is illuminated by the blue glow in her eyes. “Not only do I love you, Nyx. I know you love me, too.” She nibbles at my neck playfully, smiling at the look of shock written across my features as her words wash over me.
